Whine connoisseurs

It’s 6:24am and I have just given my infant son his bottle. I gaze into his little round face, get in one last snuggle and sniff before I lay him back down, when a thought passes through my drowsy brain: He never ever said thank you?

Not once!

No “thanks Mommy for getting up with me every hour on the hour to pop my pacifier back in my mouth since 3:30 this morning.” No “thanks for interrupting your dreams at 6 to make my favorite breakfast.” Occasionally I might get a smile or a coo, but this morning, not even that. In fact, he is fussing at me right now.

I am being a bit facetious because he is only four months old. But recently my annoyance regarding the lack of gratitude has been more authentic regarding two of my other children, who are ages 2 and 3.

What irritates me to no end is when we have had a wonderful, utterly child centered day. Say we have been to the mall playground and then to an “eat house” for their favorite meal: quesadillas and Sprite. As we walk back in the door of our home, one asks for a popsicle, Mommy says no, and all Hades breaks loose. Weeping and gnashing of teeth ensues. Then my annoyance is quite sincere.

I have been Perfect Sacrificial Mommy all day long. I have orchestrated my entire day around their pleasure. And now they are throwing fits because yet more sugar was refused by me, Responsible Mommy, who has only dental health and approaching bedtime at heart? Little ingrates! has thundered through my brain on such occasions.

Do you think God ever feels like I do?

Does he look at all he has given me, all that he has arranged for my pleasure, and get irritated when I throw a tantrum because I didn’t get a popsicle too?

Well, the Old Testament is full of God getting extremely irritated at his people’s ingratitude. From the very beginning, God gave Adam and Eve every single thing in the garden but one and they just aren’t satisfied and they just have to have that popsicle of Good and Evil, and here we are all now.

The main job of the Old Testament prophets was to tell the people, watch out, shape up, turn back to the Father with hearts of thanksgiving or he’s gonna blow. His righteous anger over their ingratitude led to the Babylonian captivity, for one thing, and possibly to the Flood. God's displeasure at their blatant lack of gratitude is most flagrant in Exodus.

He rescues the Hebrews from slavery in Egypt through a series of spell bounding miracles and as soon as they hit the desert, the whining begins. The result for the Israelites? No Promised Land for you, bellyachers. Your children will enter, but you will grumble to death here in the desert.

So what does God think when he surveys the beautiful, healthy, and oh so prayed for children that surround me while I whine about how tired I am?

Or when he sees me in the kitchen with my husband, the one I begged the Lord for 20 years, received by his grace, and now curse because he has forgotten to take out the trash?

Is he frustrated beyond belief while I sit in an beautiful, air-conditioned church that the martyrs died for and gripe about the music?

Praise be to God, he is not.

Because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, who laid his life down to deflect the wrath of the heavenly father, when God sees me, I think his heart dances in the same way mine does when my new son gives me a crooked smile. My sin is completely covered; my complaining has been washed away by the blood of the Lamb. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Because God truly is the perfect parent, by the grace and works of Christ I am in his eyes the perfect child! The phrase Little ingrate does not cross his mind when he sees me. He is never ever irritated at me. Whew.

So what is the issue? When my kids act that way, beneath the aggravation lies hurt. I know that they are young with no concept of empathy, so the hurt is currently small – but as they grow, it will grow as well. The feeling of ingratitude, of being unappreciated and possibly unloved despite my best efforts, cuts into my soul. Is this a reflection of God’s heart? Do I hurt him, do I grieve the Holy Spirit by my whining? Sadly, perhaps.

When I complain about an earthly situation, I am exhibiting an utter lack of appreciation of God’s providence.

Now I am not talking about laying our hearts before the Lord. The bible also has many examples of godly men and women crying out to God about a painful situation, and finding comfort and counsel in his loving presence. It is natural and right and even commanded that we call on him in the midst of our struggles and sadness.

I'm just talking about acting like a spoiled brat. Y'all know the difference.

In the margin of my bible is a note that I wrote the first time that I studied Exodus: “Grumbling is a sin.” When I grumble I am not complaining against the situation per se. I am audaciously complaining against the one who orchestrated the situation. In Exodus 16:8, Moses and Aaron told the Hebrews, “You are not grumbling against us, but against the Lord.” Apply that to my gripes and –the Ouch of conviction. I do not want to miss out on joy in the Lord, my own promised land, because I am too blinded by the imperfections of my situation to seek the beauty of his sovereignty.

At this point in my life, I can truly say that I have nothing to complain about. We are currently in a season of blessings. But boy oh boy, can I whine when I think I deserve more popsicle!! How pathetic of me to insult the Lord, whose amazing sacrifice for me far overshadows my small maternal sacrifices, just because I didn't get my own way.

Like...a two year old.

Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters but always with an eye to obeying the real master, Christ. Don't just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ's servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you're really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free.
Ephesians 6:5-8 (The Message)

Lord, please change our hearts, by the power of your Holy Spirit, that we may do all things without complaining and disputing, so that we might be your ambassadors of light to a whiny world. Amen.

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Resolution

I feel for Zechariah.

He was a good man, a very good man. A priest. He loved the Lord. He was a rule follower. Yet for years he and his wife Elizabeth had suffered the ultimate ancient-times disgrace - infertility. Elizabeth was barren. No amount of praying, no amount of you-know-what, had produced the child they longed for. Perhaps a miracle could have occurred at some point during Elizabeth's child bearing years, they had certainly asked for one. But now - well, now they were definitely way too old.

Zechariah is chosen by lot to light the incense in the temple - the highlight of his career, so to speak. It's a big day. After he lights it, he prays, he opens his eyes, and there is an angel standing right there who tells him that, after all this time, his prayers have been answered! Not only is he going to have a son named John, but this is going to be Some. Special. Son. One who will bring joy to everyone and, in the spirit of Elijah (major biblical times buzz word - they knew Elijah meant Messiah On Board) "turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." (Luke 1:17)

WOW! This is some big announcement. So does Zechariah rejoice? Does he whoop and holler and praise God and thank the angel?

Nope. Standing just feet from the Holy of Holies, confronted by the angel Gabriel, majestic and terrifying in all his full-on, I-have-a-message-from-God angel glory, Zachariah responds, "How can I be sure of this?"

Let's paraphrase this, shall we? It's as though Zachariah says, "I really don't think you know what you're talking about. I'm old. Liz is old. A baby? Oh, silly angel, that's impossible."

Gabriel is understandably ticked off. So much so that he strikes Zechariah deaf and dumb for the next nine months, until after John the Baptist is born.

I understand his disbelief, I really do. He had tried for years and years and years to have a baby. He had done everything in his own power to make it happen. Probably tried every old wives tale in the book, drank all kinds of herbal potions, consulted every specialist. All to no avail.

I was a lot like Zechariah. Throughout my twenties, I really, really, really wanted to get married. I read books, I consulted hours with friends. I even, in a latenight act of desperation, ordered a DVD from an infomercial. I tried to twist the arm of many a man into putting a ring on my finger. All to no avail.

So then when it seemed to me that God dropped a certain "we're just friends" man out of the sky and into my lap with a wedding proposal, did I jump for joy? Did I whoop and holler and praise God?

Well, yes, initially. But very soon, I felt like Zechariah. I had prayed for a husband for years, sure. But not this one. I did indeed love this proposer but you see I had a plan, and this? This was not it. I had to confess I even felt a little perturbed with God for mapping out my life and choosing my husband without even discussing it with me.

And later, like Zechariah, I also had a baby come when I really wasn't planning on it. I had prayed for children, oh yes. But I wanted them to come on my terms, when I determined they should come.

I prayed for God's will to be done in my life, but then when he did it, I sounded a lot like my (surprise pregnancy) three year old daughter, crying out, "Me do it!"

Also, like you, I have had devastating things enter my life that I would never have asked for. Times when I really felt that I should be in control, not God.

Six months into Elizabeth's pregnancy, an angel appears to a young unmarried girl. He tells her that she will bear a child, a child whose reign over his kingdom will never end. Good news! Mary will never suffer the shame of her cousin, and the fruit of her womb will the Son of the Most High.

But it is also frightening news. News that might destroy her world, and will certainly wreak havoc on all her plans. She will be an unwed mother, who will have to explain things to her fiance, and her parents, and her community. She will risk being disbelieved and mocked and outcast and possibly even stoned to death. And she didn't even know the worst of it yet - Simeon reveals to her later that she will suffer pain like a sword piercing her soul, because she will eventually lose this very beloved son. (Luke 2:35)

Mary asks Gabriel almost the same question as Zechariah - almost. And yet, her response revealed so much about her faith. Mary says, "How will this be?" How is God going to accomplish that which God has already determined that God will do? The angel graciously fills her in on a few of the details and then Mary says, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:34, 38)

We are now in the new year. I have a whole list of resolutions. I have lots of plans for 2009. I feel sure than 2009 will bring many joys. But it is possible - well, it is certain - that 2009 will bring us all some disappointments as well. Some surprises. Some unexpected kinks are destined to be thrown into our plans.

Some things are going to enter our lives this year that we will just flat-out have absolutely no control over. Some may be joyful. Some may be difficult. Some may pierce our souls like a sword.

We may not have control over what the Lord wills for our lives in 2009, but we will have control over how we respond to to it. Will we be a Zechariah, and doubt the providence and sovereignty of God? Will we feel annoyed at our holy God invading our lives? Will we cry out, "Back off God! You don't know what you're doing! Your timing stinks! ME DO IT!"

Or will we be Mary? Will we stare at our circumstances for what they are, and declare, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."

I am praying now that I will be a Mary this year. That I will trust in my God, my protector, my very present help in times of trouble, the author of my faith and the shepherd of my life. I am praying that daily my faith will remain strong and that my soul will magnify the Lord, and not my circumstances.

Can I do it by myself? Absolutely not. I am a selfish self-centered sinner who can do no good on my own(oh, you too?) But the Lord has told me that his grace is sufficient, that his Holy Spirit will guide me, and bring God's Word to my mind to remind me that all things work for the good of those who love the Lord.

And therefore I know that 2009 will be a year of abundant blessings.

Lord, please remove any Zechariah-like doubt from my mind regarding your divine plans for my life and for the life of my family. Send your Holy Spirit every day this year to remind me to keep my eyes focused on your sovereignty and your will instead of my plans and my circumstances, that I may say, like Mary: My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.
Amen.

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Great Expectations

Every year, it seems we have expectations of Christmas. Our expectations frequently don't match up with our reality, do they? The turkey is dry; we didn't get the gift we dropped 100 hints about; our family is just as dysfunctional as it was last Christmas. Christmas can be, well, different from what we expected.

I've been thinking a lot about Mary, being that it is Christmas time and all. Actually since I first became pregnant six years ago with my son Shepherd, Mary has been constantly on my mind.

And I wonder: what would Mary have been expecting on that very first Christmas?

Consider this: the girl had had angels come to tell her she was pregnant. Now that is a long long way from tee-teeing on a stick. She knew she was chosen by God. Being that she was Mary and not Missy, she did not get arrogant about it, nor proud – she remained humble, as we see in her Magnificat.

The Gospels do not tell us what her pregnancy was like, which I think is a sure sign that they were written by men. Imagine if God had chosen a woman to write a Gospel – how many chapters would have outlined her morning sickness and labor? But I assume Mary threw up like the rest of us and woke up every hour to go to the bathroom and had sciatica and embarrassing gas moments (which makes me love her more.)

She knows she is carrying the Savior of the world in her womb. She knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that the baby who has been kicking her all night long for months now is going to bring peace to all mankind. She knows this. That angel had told her. And being that she was human, I would imagine she had some...expectations.

As her contractions increased and she walked the long road to Bethlehem feeling, like most women at 9 months gestation, like a big fat cow, I doubt Mary was expecting a gilded room at the palace (I am sure the thought would have crossed my mind, but as I mentioned previously, I am no Mary). However I feel pretty sure that she was expecting God to provide her with at the very least, a room - a private, warm, reasonably clean room to deliver this precious child. Such a small request! She had earned at least as much – suffering through the societal stigma of an unplanned pregnancy, and almost losing Joseph – surely God would make it up to her in childbirth.

The one thing that I doubt Mary expected to be provided by God was a stable. I have birthed four babies myself; I just cannot imagine giving birth in a barn. Non-Mary I would have had some tacky things to say about this particular arrangement.

What must have gone through her and Joseph’s minds? The Messiah, the Prince of Peace, the Mighty One, is coming into the world in a barn? Surrounded by animals and manure? Imagine how protective we are of our brand new babies – and imagine lying one to rest in a manger that cows eat out of?? Hardly sterile.

Do you think they wondered if they had gotten the message wrong? Did they ask if this was some holy joke? While she was pushing our pure and stainless Lord into the world onto hay and dirt, did Mary keep waiting for someone to rescue her?

Mary had been obedient, she had prayed unceasingly, she was the ultimate woman of God, yet in her time of great need, doors were repeatedly slammed in her face, literally. I think she must have been very confused in that stable.

I know so many people who are in a stable right now.

Many of my dear friends are amazing women of God. They pray, they fast, they are so obedient. Some of them even do their quiet time every single morning. They are much, much godlier than I am. They are doing everything “right”.

Yet, we have cried together over this last year. Things are not going the way they planned. Several are exhausted with grief. Others' empty arms are aching to hold a baby. One's son was diagnosed with autism. Some are in unhappy marriages or going through divorce. And my heart is especially burdened for a few girlfriends who are in their 30s, strongly desiring marriage and children, but God has yet to call them to this.

This life is not the way it was supposed to go, not what they signed up for. It’s not what they thought they were promised. This life right now is definitely not what they expected. And they, perhaps like Mary was, are so confused.

We have the blessing of hindsight to know that the stable was representative of a very different kind of messiah. A humble messiah, with a message of peace, not the military hero the Jews were expecting (there is that word again.) A messiah who hung out not with kings but with the dregs of society, beginning with the shepherds who were his first visitors. “Not the righteous; sinners Jesus came to call.”

By ordaining such a humble birthplace, God sent a message from the very beginning that this baby was going to rock everyone’s expectations, and shake their world view, and cause them to question everything they thought they knew. God does nothing haphazardly. There was a purpose in the stable. There was something bigger going on than Mary or Joseph – righteous, yet mere humans - could see or grasp.

I submit that there are purposes in our stables as well.

Usually, we cannot see the reason for the stable while we are in it. Sometimes, God clues us in later, and when it happens that is a real treat. But we don’t always get the blessing of knowledge. In fact frequently God in his infinite wisdom does not clue us in. I don’t know why the desires of my sweet friends’ hearts are not being met. I don’t know why Christian marriages fail, I don’t know why babies die, and I don’t know why my friends who would make such wonderful mothers can’t get pregnant.

I don’t expect to find out this side of paradise, and there is no biblical promise that it will be revealed to me even in Heaven. I only know this – that God is sovereign and God is good.

There have been times in my life when “God is sovereign” has been a mantra I screamed repeatedly inside my brain. And there have been times when I just got depressed and wondered when I was ever going to get out of this dumb stable. But (praise him) our responses and our feelings and our confusion regarding these stables do not change the fact that God is sovereign, and God is good. And that he is up to more than we can see, that his grand design is greater than our own expectations, however noble they may be – which means, without a doubt, there is a purpose for the stable. God is intimately, unceasingly, invasively, personally involved in every aspect of our lives.

At some point, on earth or in Heaven, we will praise him for the stable, because he loves you and me as much as he loved Mary – take a moment and grasp that – and He has as much reason and purpose for putting us in our particular stable as he did Mary and baby Jesus. And this should give us hope – And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:5)

Merry Christmas.

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New every morning

My son Ingram is 18 months old. Each morning he wakes up and cries out for his momma. I enter his room see him standing in his crib, swaying back and forth. He's so cute. He's just so stinking cute. No matter how cranky or tired I may be, as soon as I see his face, I break into a huge smile.

Ingram has bad allergies, so usually in the mornings his little smiling face is just caked in snot. Under his nose, and then wiped all over his face. There's often even some dried snot in his ears and hair. And his diaper is always full so the first thing that greets me, before I see his crusty face, is one of two stenches - or both. On a good day I catch a whiff of it as I walk up the stairs. And he usually chews on his crib rail while he waits so I also get slimed by drool.

He's a mess.

And oh, do I love that boy. My heart dances at the sight of his nasty little self. Covered in uck, I sing good morning to him, kiss him, and take him downstairs to begin our day.

Do I love this baby more when he is fresh from a bath and covered in lavender lotion? No. I love him, dirty or clean, because he is mine. He is my child and I would give my life for him.

Do you realize that your Heavenly Father sees you this same way?

For years, I was crippled by what I termed a Janet Jackson view of God, based on her hit song of years ago. I thought that God looked down on me and thought, "What have you done for me lately?" (Ooo, ooo, ooo, yeah.) And I always felt he looked down and said "tsk, tsk", disappointed because on any given day I had led zero bible studies, and fed zero homeless people, and hadn't even cracked open my bible.

And I had some sin. Lots of sin that haunted me. I felt like I was covered in snot, and poop, and drool - just covered. I was a mess.

I knew God loved me, he officially had to, the Bible tells me so, yeah yeah. But how could God possibly really love me, unconditionally, me being so stinky and sticky and such a flop at being a "good Christian"??

God impressed upon my heart - through a mentor - that God actually loves me. Really, really loves me. He delights in me.

Because it's not about me.

When the creator of Heaven and Earth sees me, I am not covered in snot. I am drenched, soaking, dripping wet in the blood of the Lamb. Because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, and because I have believed in my heart and confessed with my mouth that he is Lord, all God sees when he looks at me is a holy shade of the purest white.

Have you also believed that he is Lord? Then when he sees you, he sees the face of his perfect Son! God is not judging us with a naughty or nice list. His list always reads nice. More than nice: perfect and unblemished. The bible tells me so.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1

How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!
Hebrews 9:14

That's what it means to be washed in the blood of the lamb.

What a relief, y'all! It isn't dependent upon you! It's dependent on Christ, who is totally reliable to complete the work he began in you!

If you forget to pray or do or don't do quiet time or yell at your kids or gripe at your husband or are otherwise not the perfect Christian, his love is not diminished. Even if you are carrying around some "big" sin, God does not turn his face from you. No matter what you do or have done, he still sees you the same way that I see Ingram each morning: precious, perfect, and melting my heart with his beauty. The Lord of the Universe sees you with that same pure love and joy every. single. morning.

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

Every morning, I walk into Ingram's room and he laughs, claps, then reaches out his hands to me. I never fail to lift him up, embrace him, kiss his fuzzy head and tell him I love him.

When the Lord sees you each morning, he says, "That's my baby. She is mine. I gave my life for her!"

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name: you are Mine.
Isaiah 43:1b

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us,
that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1a

Rejoice! Clap your snotty hands! Reach out and allow him to gather you into his loving arms!

Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.
How awesome is the LORD Most High, the great King over all the earth!
Psalm 47:1-2

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:8

Let him clean you up

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Psalm 51:7

Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Mark 1:41

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith,
having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience
and having our bodies washed with pure water.
Hebrews 10:22

and feed you breakfast

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
Psalm 63:5

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.
John 6:35

because he loves you.
About a million times more than I love sweet Ingram.

the LORD delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Psalm 147:11

How could believing this change the way you live your life?

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Ignoring the Serpent

I wish I didn't relate so much to Eve. You know, the one who messed it up for the rest of us? I wish I could say I was different from her.

Genesis 3. Eve is hanging out in the garden one day. She's alone. Maybe she was okay with solitude for a little while, but, she's a female. And we females like to talk.

She's looking at that tree, the one God said not to eat. You know she wanted to discuss that. Adam is nowhere around, and the serpent seizes his moment. He slithers up, and makes some conversation. The bible doesn't say so, but I wouldn't be surprised if her complimented her hair first. (If she hadn't been naked, he might have told her her shoes were cute.)

Eve is probably happy to have someone to chat to about this very interesting and forbidden tree. She's a woman, and women are by nature, relational. Some of us seek out friendships with many, some with a few, but I have never met a woman who didn't long for a best friend. Eve is an easy target.

The serpent didn't try this trick with Adam - because if Adam was like my husband, he was not on this constant quest to connect to others that I am (hello, I blog.) No, Satan went for the woman. And they connected. Genesis 3:6 says that Eve was seeking wisdom, a noble pursuit. She was just looking for it in all the wrong places.

Well, we know what happened next. The serpent was not a good friend. He was giving her some advice, but not the kind she needed to hear. His counsel led her straight to destruction, and we are all still suffering because of her lack of discernment.

How often do we have an Eve moment?

When I am having an "issue", especially an issue with another female in my life, my initial response is to turn to my girlfriends for guidance and support.

The danger is that whenever we women get together to discuss a conflict, no matter what our levels of spiritual maturity, the conversation is very, very prone to go south. It is our sin nature to be vindictive. Throw some emotion into it, some past baggage on either side, and a dash of PMS, and the conversation can go from spiritual to worldly in no time flat.

This isn't to say that we should not seek the advice of godly women. I believe that good girlfriends and mentors are a gift from the Lord, and I have been blessed many times by their counsel. Often they will tell me wonderful, wise advice. But - not always. They are sinners just like me, after all.

How can I discern if their advice is godly, as opposed to worldly?

Scripture, scripture, scripture.
Any advice we receive must be in line with God's word. And, fortunately for us, God dispenses plenty of advice regarding conflict resolution.

Here is a scenario. You believe you have been wronged by a friend, or a family member. Feelings are hurt, egos are bruised. What to do?

The world says:

• Vent. Let it all out. Tell your friends exactly how you have been wronged. Give a play by play of what she did.

Scripture says:

• I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. Psalm 142:1-2
• If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26
  

The line between venting and gossiping is as thin as a hair, and crossing that line happens without even realizing it. It feels good to vent. It feels better to pray. I am learning to vent to God, instead of to my husband, my friends or my mother. And you know what I'm learning? God is an awesome listener.

The world says:

• You don't deserve to be treated this way. You need to stand up for your rights. Confront her and tell her off.

Scripture says:

• "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Matthew 7:3-5
• It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. Proverbs 3:20

There are very specific rules for confronting another with their sin in Matthew 18. It must be done from a standpoint of love and humility from remembering our sins for which Christ died; with the goal of reconciliation, not with the intent to "stand up for your rights" and certainly not to tell them off.

The world says:

• Be passive aggressive. Don't confront her outright, just "forget" to call her back or keep her informed. Make subtle little tacky comments, to her and about her. Harbor resentment.

Scripture says:

• So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. Matthew 7:12
• Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10

The world says:

• Ignore her. Give her the silent treatment.

Scripture says:

• Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:17-18

The world says:

• Get her back. Make her sorry she messed with you.

Scripture says:

• Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:19-21
• Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philippians 3:2

The world says:

• You are such a victim. Poor you. It's awful how you are being treated when you did nothing wrong.
  

Scripture says:

• Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. I Timothy 1:15-16
• Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24
  

The world says:

• What was done to you is just unforgivable.
  

Scripture says:

• Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
• "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." Luke 17:3-4
• Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. I Peter 4:8
  

I'm not saying the godly way is easier.

The Eve in us wants to get down on our bellies and slither around the feet of the one who has hurt us, whispering insults and sinking our fangs into her ankles.

Trust me, I know.

But we are more than Eve. For we have the spirit of Christ in us, and Christ has overcome the world and all its so-called wisdom. And we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:15-17

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Moving On

Someone in my life is angry at me right now.

Last week, in the midst of frustration, I said some things that offended her. I didn't think my words were that big a deal, but, well, obviously they were.

The problem is that this person didn't let me know that she was angry. She just cut off communication with me. And it has been such a busy week that I didn't even clue in that she was angry for days. We were in a little “spat”, and I didn’t even know it!

This morning I was griping in my head about it. That silent treatment business is so passive aggressive, so childish. Just tell me I offended you. Give me a chance to apologize so we can move on with our lives.

Right then I heard That Voice in my head say,

You're doing the exact same thing.

Oh no, it's true! Achhh!

Someone else has offended me. For a good couple of weeks now, I have harbored a grudge. I have responded in the exact same way - silence. I have ignored her phone calls and emails, or only answered in a very cursory way. I have been passive aggressive one. I have been giving the petulant silent treatment.

I am - gasp - just like that other person whom I offended!

But God! I cry out. I don't know how else to handle it! This has happened in the past with her and it has never turned out well. Confrontation, whether angry or loving, only makes things much, much worse. She is never going to change. So what am I supposed to do when she offends me over and over?
I don't know what to do!

Forgive her, the Lord says. Forgive.

And then the Holy Spirit tells me this:

Good sense makes one slow to anger,
and it is his (her) glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 19:11

and this

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:21-22

and this

Above all, love each other deeply,
because love covers over a multitude of sins.
I Peter 4:8

Forgive. Love. Just overlook the offense. Get over it. Move on.

Forgive.

God has "gotten over" all my offenses. He has "moved on". When he looks at me, he does not see all the times I have hurt others with my words, or neglected to forgive others, or any of my million other sins.

He only sees me as pure and unblemished, redeemed by the blood of the lamb. I am dearly loved by God, and he proves that love for me by his forgiveness.

That forgiveness was bought with a price - the price was the absolutely excruciating crucifixion on the cross. But God is not asking me to do that in order to forgive the one who wronged me. He is only asking me to crucify my ego, and crucify my pride, and crucify my sense of entitlement that makes me think that everyone should put me and my feelings first.

And that is, frankly, just excruciating for me to do.

Excruciating, and flat out impossible to do by myself. I can try as hard as I can to be holy, to be sweet and forgiving, but all my efforts will be filthy rags. As Paul says in Romans 7:18-19, “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.”

If I rely on myself to forgive others, and lean on my own countenance to overlook offenses, then I. will. always. fail.

But that same Lord who was crucified for my sins - like, the very fact that I am so unforgiving - sends me the Holy Spirit to enable me to be what I am not. He’ll show me the way, and give me the heart to obey. He’s just waiting for me to ask.

Lord, send your Spirit to break my proud and hardened heart. Teach me to overlook offenses, as you constantly overlook my own. Teach me what it means to love by forgiving. Amen.

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Let your hair down

There was a very famous newscaster in Houston who was on the air for years and years. If you grew up here you knew him from your earliest childhood. He was a very kind man and did great things for the community until his recent death. He was a local character. So much so that I saw him once on the sidewalk outside Walgreens and I just froze in awe. It was as surreal as if I had seen Bugs Bunny picking out produce at the grocery store. He always wore loud suits and ties, blue tinted glasses, and a very white, very luxurious wig.

Well, we are in Texas, y'all.

Recently I heard an interesting story about him: When he first started appearing on the air, he had a phobia that is common to man. He feared that he would go bald, and the entire city would watch the eventual demise of his glorious mane. So, to avoid that humiliation, he began wearing a wig, so that no one would be able to tell whenever it happened.

Guess what? It never happened. He never lost his hair. For decades, he awoke every morning and put a hot, sweaty, piece of synthetic on top of his real, perfectly nice hair, in a city where 100 degree temperatures are the norm. All because of fear. Crazy, huh? So irrational.

Aren't most fears just that? So irrational?

In this country, we all love a good scare. If you believed the media hype, California should have fallen into the sea long ago while the rest of us were chased by killer bees who stung our flesh-eating bacteria ridden arms. The only reason that we haven't all starved from the Population Explosion is because of SARS or Bird Flu. And I would have thought that Y2K or the Second Ice Age would have wiped us all out before we even had a chance to worry about Global Warming.

Those of us who become mothers face another onslaught. If the coffee I drank when I was pregnant didn't ruin my children surely all those toxic plastic bottles and pacifiers will. And what about that bacteria they consumed when I gave them baby food from a jar they had eaten from previously? And don't get me started on the future calamity I inflicted upon them because I couldn't breastfeed.

We just love a good scare.

And then there are the more personal scares: fears of death; fears of cancer; fears of losing our children, our husbands, our jobs, and our material wealth; abductions; failure; shame; not being a good mother; what other people think; insert your's here - I know you have a list like I do.

How much time do we waste on fear and worry?

I am not saying that we should be irresponsible and just stop wearing our seat belts or eating our green leafy vegetables - no. Not at all. It is our duty to prevent as much evil from happening as we have the power to do. I do believe that the majority of our fears, however, have a minute chance of happening - regardless of how much we worry about them.

Chances are we will never lose our proverbial hair. Yet, we walk around sweating under big stinky wigs because of the "it could happens."

Personally, I have dealt with paralyzing fear of losing one of my children. Could it happen? Of course it could. Have the hours I have spent lying in the dark worrying prevented it from happening, even one tiny bit? Nope. All it did was rob me of my much needed sleep.

Corrie Ten Boom, a Dutch Christian who saw the majority of her worst fears realized in Nazi Germany, had this to say about worry:

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow.
It empties today of its strength.

and

Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts
whirling around a center of fear.

Oh, what a waste of time!

What does the the Lord say about it?

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Hebrews 13:5-6

The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
Psalm 118:6

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:31-34

I could go on and on. Phrases such as "fear not", "do not be afraid" and "do not fear" are mentioned more than 100 times in the bible. We are commanded not to fear even more than we are commanded to love!

I think we begin to fear when we forget to trust. I must remind myself - daily - that God is sovereign over all, that not a hair falls from my head without his will, that he is in control of and has ordained every single detail of my life, and will use any trial that does come my way for my sanctification and for his glory.

I can choose to meditate on my worries or I can meditate on the goodness and strength of a Father who loved me so much, he sent his only son to face the worst fears imaginable.

Only then can I take off my hot, stinky wig and rejoice as I shake my hair in freedom.

As Ms. Ten Boom said,

Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.

Reflection:

1. Make a list of your fears, either irrational or reasonable.
2. Confess your lack of trust and pray for forgiveness and the ability to repent.
3. One by one, ask the Father to send you a spirit of peace, power, love and self-control.
4. Find some verses to commit to memory that you can speak to your spirit when the worry begins to sneak in.

With thanks to Gary Thomas for his inspirational thoughts on fear.

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Heart Based Discipline

I have a three year old daughter who is sometimes a challenge. She is bright, beautiful and sweet. She is also obstinate, strong-willed, too verbal for her own good, and prone to drama.

In regards to the latter, that also means that she is....um...er...just like me.

Over the past two years I have read every book on discipline I can get my hands on and spent many hours in prayer, trying to figure out what works with this child. I am delighted to announce that I seem to have (finally) found a method I feel good about: heart-based discipline.

Heart-based discipline focuses on changing the heart of the child as opposed to simply the behavior. Most of us were raised using classic behavior modification techniques, which in my case, meant as soon as no one was watching or as soon as I ran a favorable risk analysis, I frequently made the bad choice. But I want my children's hearts to be made more holy, not just their actions. I want their behavior choices to be based on biblical truths and a desire to please God, instead of a reward/punishment mentality or a desire to please mom and dad.

There are many books that tell you exactly how to implement this and several now sit on my nightstand. I still have much to learn, but I have applied some of the advice already. And here's the glory glory hallelujah - it's working. I have seen more changes in my daughter's behavior, and in her heart, in the past month than ever before.

So. Tonight. My husband is working late and I have been home all day with my four tired, cranky pre-schoolers. I am giving them a much needed bath. My oldest has been told four times to quit splashing. He splashes soap in the eyes of his two year old sister and she begins to cry. Do I:
a) look into his eyes calmly, discuss the sin of disobedience, quote some Colossians, lead him to repentance, and finish with a prayer, or do I
b) scream "I SAID STOP!!!!!" as loudly as I can?

If you chose letter B you get a sticker.

I apologize, he forgives me. I apologize again. He forgives me again, and tells me I hurt his ears. Ten seconds later my three year old clone is irritated by her sister and screams at her as loudly as her little voice can. Hmm, wonder where she learned that behavior. Sheepishly, I tell her not to yell.

Later, I ponder the Bathtub Incident. You see, this isn't the first time I have blown my top and yelled at my children. I've been trying to stop doing this for a while. I have been trying to modify my behavior, and I have made some improvement, no doubt. Until my husband works late and I am tired and I am hormonal and and and...

Suddenly That Voice whispers inside my head, Sounds like you need a little heart-based discipline.

Conviction, meet Hypocrite.
Oh, we've met before. Many times!

So here I go with a little Grownup Version of Heart Based Discipline.

Step one: Identify the sin.
Anger is not a sin. Yelling at a four year old is.
What is at the root of my sin?
-Pride.
-Dishonor.
-Impatience.
-Unkindness.
-Rudeness.
-Being easily angered.

What does the bible say regarding my actions?

1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Proverbs 29:11: A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

How could I have handled the situation better?

Proverbs 12:18: Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 16:21: Pleasant words promote instruction.

Repentance:

Psalm 51:10: Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Dear Lord, please forgive me for taking my frustration out on my precious children. Please change my heart so that my temper is kept in check and my words are kind.

And now, the best part, encouragement:

Hebrews 4:16: Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

• Are there any behaviors for which you seem to be on the "repent and repeat" track?
• Can you identify the specific sin behind the behavior? (Sometimes a mature friend in Christ can help you narrow it down.)
• Find some bible verses that apply to your sin (googling works great!)
• Repent and ask God's forgiveness, remembering that he will forgive and purify those who earnestly seek his grace (1 John 1:9)
  
• Apply the verses to your life, and pray them for yourself.
  
• Wait with me for the Lord to change our hearts and our lives!

Better than Shakespeare

There is an email circling around, perhaps you have gotten it. It includes a youtube link to Oprah's new book study, where she discusses why she rejected the Church. You can watch the video here. This is her quote:

"Then (the pastor) said, 'The Lord thy God is a jealous God, and I was...caught up in the rapture of that moment, until he said 'jealous'. And, something struck me. I was...about 27 or 28...and I was thinking, God is all, God is omnipresent and God's also jealous? God is jealous of me? And something about that didn't feel right in my spirit, because I believe that God is love and that God is in all things and so that's when the search for something more than doctrine started to stir within me."

Oprah and I (believe it or not) have a little something in common.

Sometimes I read a verse in the bible, and I, too, am "struck". Sometimes something doesn't sit right with me. Sometimes it seems to contradict what I believe I know about the nature of God.

Does that ever happen to you?

So, what do we do when this happens? Well, we have some choices.

• We can decide that God must be bad, and reject him.
• We can decide that the Bible must be flawed, and reject it.
• Or, we can treat it like Shakespeare.

Let me explain. I was an English major in college, so I studied a bit of Shakespeare. You have probably also read a play or two, even if it was eons ago. What do you remember about it?

Most of us would say, "I remember it was hard." I liked the Bard, and I still thought it was hard. The more I studied it, the more complex I found it to be. For starters, his plays reflect a culture that is virtually nothing like our own. (A professor once told me that the political satire A Comedy of Errors was as difficult to comprehend as a Saturday Night Live script would be, if found 2,000 years from now.) And then, there is the language barrier. Because it's in English, but...you know. Not our English. On top of that, there is so much symbolism and inside joking and slang and puns and historical reference...

Shakespeare's hard. And if you want to really appreciate his words, you have to study them. If you just pick up Hamlet and read it, you will get something out of it, no doubt. However, I wager there will be quite a few head-scratching moments. You might just skim over those hard parts. Or, like many a high school student, you might throw the book against the wall and, petulantly, declare it stupid.

Maybe you would then choose a simpler book, one where you weren't so challenged, one that closer matched your world view.

But, if you take a class on Shakespeare, you will discover what a genius he was. Learn a little about his culture, and you might laugh out loud at some of those jokes. Intently study his words, by consulting the minds of those who are experts on him, and you might be moved to tears by the beauty of his poetry.

Shakespeare was a smart guy, and his writings deserve a little brainpower to be truly appreciated.

God is much, much smarter than Shakespeare...and his writings deserve a little brainpower too.

The bible was written in a different language, in a culture opposite from our own, amidst a historical and political climate way beyond our experience. And the author is a Being so much different from us, whose thoughts are not our thoughts, and whose ways are not our ways.

When we read it, there are guaranteed to be some head-scratching moments.

If we really want to understand what God meant with a hard saying like, "I am a jealous God", we can study it. We can find commentaries written by brilliant women and men who have devoted their lives to figuring this stuff out, like this one, for instance.

We could humble ourselves to confess that, ahem. We don't know everything. Not about Shakespeare, and certainly not about God. We are limited creatures, with limited intellect and perspective, who frequently can and will be flat out stumped by the Creator of the universe.

We can remind ourselves that God is good, and if something we read in his Word seems to contradict that, then we need to study it and study it until it does, as Oprah said, 'feel right in our spirit.'

And most of all, we can appeal to the Holy Spirit to clear our minds of the lies and confusion from the world and reveal the beauty and clarity of the Word to us. And here's the best part - we are assured that he will answer this prayer! For that is his job:

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
John 14:26

What's your choice?

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Bless my Interruptions

At 2:30 this morning, I was asleep. Blissfully asleep. Until my little boy Shepherd came running and crying into my bedroom, anyway. “Ingram’s crying, Mommy! He won’t stop! I can’t sleeeeeep!” I turned up the monitor to verify that my one year old son was indeed hysterical.

How I wish I were the type of mom who popped up smiling in the middle of the night, sweetness and light wrapped in a frilly nightgown, never bothered by the intrusion.
Well, I am not that mommy.
I'm more of a crab in a ratty old tanktop.

Since first becoming pregnant I have suffered from insomnia, so I view sleep as a very precious commodity. Often when I am awakened in the middle of the night, I cannot fall back asleep. So wake me up and you will encounter Grouchy with a capital Grrrrr.

I stomped upstairs to assess the situation, frustrated at Shepherd, frustrated at my sleeping husband, and yes, frustrated even at the baby. Frustrated at insomnia. Frustrated at myself for being frustrated, because Hello, I am a mom, this is what I signed up for. Grrrrr.

A bottle and a diaper change later, I climbed back into bed and I said a quick prayer for sleep to return. Suddenly a prayer I read years ago popped into my mind: “Dear God, please bless my interruptions today.”

And then I realized that God and I needed to have one of those Get Over Yourself conversations. Ack, we have so many of them.

The thing is, I get on a mission. I have certain things that I want to accomplish in a given day. Or night, in which Blissful Uninterrupted Slumber is the number one item on my agenda. My happiness, my peace, is so often reliant on checking things off my to-do list. So when Someone – and usually Someone is less than four feet tall – interrupts me, I might get a wee bit bent out of shape.

What if I prayed that prayer, to view my interruptions as blessings, or as opportunities to bless another?

I wonder what impact that would have on my days?

God is the God of order, yet when he walked among us on this earth, Jesus’s days probably looked a lot more like my own - noisy chaos. He got interrupted all the time. Hands forever reaching out for more, throngs of voices constantly demanding service. (If Jesus had had a cell phone, it would have rung nonstop!) The Bible tells us several times that he had to go far away, all by himself, so he could pray. I so get that! Every time Jesus tried to go someplace, he was interrupted. Did he view the Centurion’s servant as an imposition? Or Jairus’ daughter? Did he snap at the hemorrhaging woman because she slowed him down? When the blind man asked to be healed, did he check to see if it was on his to-do list first?

No, Jesus blessed his interruptions. Grace and mercy flowed down on those who got in his way. Oh, that it would be the same for those who get in my way.

Oh, Lord, give me the humility and the grace to seek your to-do list today, and not my own. Remind me to bless my interruptions -
for your glory.
Amen.

You can interrupt me over here:

Majesty

The Internet Cafe welcomes

Missy from 'It's Almost Naptime!!'

"Majesty"

On June 2, 1953, Princess Elizabeth left Buckingham Palace, her home of over 800,00 square feet, and rode to Westminster Abbey in a golden horse drawn coach for her coronation as Queen of England.

During the spring of 33 AD, Jesus made his triumphal entrance into Jerusalem. He was coming from Bethany, but he was essentially a homeless man, for he had said that he had no place to lay his head. Jesus entered Jerusalem on a young donkey - the most humble animal available. Not a horse, and not even a full grown and trained donkey, but just a colt. A simple, stupid beast of burden.

A crimson coronation robe that was six yards long hung from Elizabeth’s shoulders. Made of hand woven silk velvet, it was edged with ermine and two rows of embroidered gold filigree work. Her crown was solid gold and set with 444 precious stones. She also held a scepter that contains one of the largest diamonds in the world, at 530 carats.

Five days after he entered Jerusalem, the governor's soldiers took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company of soldiers around him. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of him and mocked him. "Hail, king of the Jews!" they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. (Matthew 27:27-30)

Designers and seamstresses worked on Queen Elizabeth’s coronation gown for sixteen months. The white silk was elaborately embroidered in pastel colored silks, pearls, diamonds, pale amethysts, golden crystals, gold and silver bullion and sequins.

Jesus was stripped of all his clothes and hung on a cross. He was completely nude. Naked and exposed, he was humiliated in front of his mother and all of his friends and enemies. His clothing was then gambled away by strangers.

I am a daughter of the King. Therefore, I am a princess. But what kind of princess do I really want to be? Am I striving after what the world considers royalty? Or is it my goal to exhibit my royal blood in the same way that Jesus did?

My daughter Eva Rose is 3 years old, and has recently entered her “princess stage.” She is obsessed with castles, tiaras, and ballgowns.

I’m a whole lot older than Eva Rose, but think I still retain a little of this princess attitude myself. I definitely think my husband should be Prince Charming, and can get very frustrated when he isn’t. I want my children to be perfect princes and princesses, with appropriate regal attire, and I especially want them to behave in a royal manner. (Boy, is that fantasy going royally unfulfilled.) And I want my home to be a castle, beautiful, with everything just so. Jewels and wealth and servants to do my bidding would be awfully nice as well.

But this is the worldly view of royalty. And if I want to grow in godliness, I need to Get Over It.

Our King didn’t live like that, not in the slightest. Why should I, his daughter, expect such things? How can I closer reflect his life in my life? How, as John the Baptist put it, can I decrease and Christ increase (John 3:30)?

Reviewing the events of Easter week, the word that most comes to mind is humility. The Lord of the Universe, the Prince of Peace, the King of Kings, humbled himself in the most degrading way possible, that I may be called a child of God, a member of a royal priesthood, an heir to his glorious inheritance.

Humility. I am closer to godliness when I am changing a dirty diaper than possibly at any other time!

Humility. I more resemble Christ the King while cleaning the toilet than if I had a 800,000 square foot palace full of servants.

Humility. I reflect the splendor of my Father more when I am gracious to a rude salesclerk than Queen Elizabeth did in all her finery on her coronation day.

Lord help to remember this, change my heart to be thankful for the opportunities to lay down my time, my pride, and my life for others.
Change my spirit that I would not be bitter or resentful of the unending chores and sacrifices.
Renew my mind that I may see them as opportunities to become more like the daughter of a heavenly King, who condescended to save me from my worldly desires.
Lord, teach me what it means to be your Princess.
Amen.

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