Guarding Your Mind

On a morning that I woke before my "desired" time....the craziest phrase kept rolling over and over in my mind. "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country." Remember it? The phrase was created in 1867 by Charles E. Weller merely as a typewriting exercise.

However, the real need is this:

For all (men, women and children alike) to pray!

"And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams: And on my servants and on my handmaidens I will pour out in those days of my Spirit; and they shall prophesy:" Acts 2:17-18

This was from Peter's first sermon which took place in Jerusalem--he was quoting from the Scriptures, the Prophet Joel. (Read the whole book of Acts-you will be encouraged by what you find.) The power of the HOLY SPIRIT was given to all who seek Him.

"Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, [even] as many as the Lord our God shall call." Acts 2:38-39

If your children have a need...who do they go to for that need to be met? You. We have an extreme need. A need to be filled to overflowing with the POWER of the Holy Spirit. I have told my oldest child many times, "in the last days we will need the power of the Holy Spirit to see us through the tough circumstances of life."

The unexpected.

When you don't know what to pray...the Holy Spirit does so for you. "Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." Romans 8:26

I am urged on as never before to seek more of God in my life. There are many that feel that some things that the world partakes of is alright. . . . It may be for them, but it is not for me. I WANT the Spirit to speak to my heart when I am about to step into an area that is not "for me". I WANT the Spirit to direct my footsteps and yes, even the words I say.

Matthew 12:36 says, "But I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment." Christ's own words. Think He meant it? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Right. He meant it. Big time sister.

During a time of devotion on our Sisters of Faith Retreat 2008, I told the dear sisters that I felt that even the "thoughts" of our mind would be accountable to Christ.

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8 NLT

When provoked to the point of anger, where does your mind go? I know EXACTLY where mine goes. And I have to pray. The mind is a dangerous place for most of us.

For men, when they see a woman on the cover of a magazine---half naked---where do you think their mind goes? Same for many women. The body of muscles rippling on a naked torso of a man sends some women into a frenzy of lust. And almost every single magazine you pick up from the newsstand screams that today. Makes me want to wear a blindfold many times at the check-out counter!

As I watched the movie Fireproof a while back, I was reminded of the book by Beth Moore, Get Out of That Pit where she describes many pits that are waiting traps---and many we dig ourselves right into...

I have plunked myself straight into the pit of depression...all because I did not capture the flailing thoughts and I allowed the enemy to plant seeds of doubt and discouragement there. Then, I sat idly by as he (the enemy) watered those same seeds until I was a complete and total mess.

Only through the power of prayer---the POWER from the Holy Spirit was I ever able to break free from the debilitating grip of the enemy in my life. Over my mind and heart. It happens. As surely as a panic attack can come on some, despair can come on others. Depression. I've been there.

I used this passage yesterday...but it's needed again today. "For I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." 2 Timothy 1:12

I have committed my heart and mind to following Jesus Christ. As the song says, "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back."

Allow HIM to come into your heart and life today. When you give HIM full control over your heart and mind....He will do some amazing things ...on a daily basis. I know. I am there.

And it shall come to pass, [that] whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved. Acts 2:21




(picture from Bella Lino linens--not my bedroom---I only wish!)
I welcome your visit to our place though, "The Knightly News"---pull up a chair! Make yourself at home!

Great Expectations

Every year, it seems we have expectations of Christmas. Our expectations frequently don't match up with our reality, do they? The turkey is dry; we didn't get the gift we dropped 100 hints about; our family is just as dysfunctional as it was last Christmas. Christmas can be, well, different from what we expected.

I've been thinking a lot about Mary, being that it is Christmas time and all. Actually since I first became pregnant six years ago with my son Shepherd, Mary has been constantly on my mind.

And I wonder: what would Mary have been expecting on that very first Christmas?

Consider this: the girl had had angels come to tell her she was pregnant. Now that is a long long way from tee-teeing on a stick. She knew she was chosen by God. Being that she was Mary and not Missy, she did not get arrogant about it, nor proud – she remained humble, as we see in her Magnificat.

The Gospels do not tell us what her pregnancy was like, which I think is a sure sign that they were written by men. Imagine if God had chosen a woman to write a Gospel – how many chapters would have outlined her morning sickness and labor? But I assume Mary threw up like the rest of us and woke up every hour to go to the bathroom and had sciatica and embarrassing gas moments (which makes me love her more.)

She knows she is carrying the Savior of the world in her womb. She knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that the baby who has been kicking her all night long for months now is going to bring peace to all mankind. She knows this. That angel had told her. And being that she was human, I would imagine she had some...expectations.

As her contractions increased and she walked the long road to Bethlehem feeling, like most women at 9 months gestation, like a big fat cow, I doubt Mary was expecting a gilded room at the palace (I am sure the thought would have crossed my mind, but as I mentioned previously, I am no Mary). However I feel pretty sure that she was expecting God to provide her with at the very least, a room - a private, warm, reasonably clean room to deliver this precious child. Such a small request! She had earned at least as much – suffering through the societal stigma of an unplanned pregnancy, and almost losing Joseph – surely God would make it up to her in childbirth.

The one thing that I doubt Mary expected to be provided by God was a stable. I have birthed four babies myself; I just cannot imagine giving birth in a barn. Non-Mary I would have had some tacky things to say about this particular arrangement.

What must have gone through her and Joseph’s minds? The Messiah, the Prince of Peace, the Mighty One, is coming into the world in a barn? Surrounded by animals and manure? Imagine how protective we are of our brand new babies – and imagine lying one to rest in a manger that cows eat out of?? Hardly sterile.

Do you think they wondered if they had gotten the message wrong? Did they ask if this was some holy joke? While she was pushing our pure and stainless Lord into the world onto hay and dirt, did Mary keep waiting for someone to rescue her?

Mary had been obedient, she had prayed unceasingly, she was the ultimate woman of God, yet in her time of great need, doors were repeatedly slammed in her face, literally. I think she must have been very confused in that stable.

I know so many people who are in a stable right now.

Many of my dear friends are amazing women of God. They pray, they fast, they are so obedient. Some of them even do their quiet time every single morning. They are much, much godlier than I am. They are doing everything “right”.

Yet, we have cried together over this last year. Things are not going the way they planned. Several are exhausted with grief. Others' empty arms are aching to hold a baby. One's son was diagnosed with autism. Some are in unhappy marriages or going through divorce. And my heart is especially burdened for a few girlfriends who are in their 30s, strongly desiring marriage and children, but God has yet to call them to this.

This life is not the way it was supposed to go, not what they signed up for. It’s not what they thought they were promised. This life right now is definitely not what they expected. And they, perhaps like Mary was, are so confused.

We have the blessing of hindsight to know that the stable was representative of a very different kind of messiah. A humble messiah, with a message of peace, not the military hero the Jews were expecting (there is that word again.) A messiah who hung out not with kings but with the dregs of society, beginning with the shepherds who were his first visitors. “Not the righteous; sinners Jesus came to call.”

By ordaining such a humble birthplace, God sent a message from the very beginning that this baby was going to rock everyone’s expectations, and shake their world view, and cause them to question everything they thought they knew. God does nothing haphazardly. There was a purpose in the stable. There was something bigger going on than Mary or Joseph – righteous, yet mere humans - could see or grasp.

I submit that there are purposes in our stables as well.

Usually, we cannot see the reason for the stable while we are in it. Sometimes, God clues us in later, and when it happens that is a real treat. But we don’t always get the blessing of knowledge. In fact frequently God in his infinite wisdom does not clue us in. I don’t know why the desires of my sweet friends’ hearts are not being met. I don’t know why Christian marriages fail, I don’t know why babies die, and I don’t know why my friends who would make such wonderful mothers can’t get pregnant.

I don’t expect to find out this side of paradise, and there is no biblical promise that it will be revealed to me even in Heaven. I only know this – that God is sovereign and God is good.

There have been times in my life when “God is sovereign” has been a mantra I screamed repeatedly inside my brain. And there have been times when I just got depressed and wondered when I was ever going to get out of this dumb stable. But (praise him) our responses and our feelings and our confusion regarding these stables do not change the fact that God is sovereign, and God is good. And that he is up to more than we can see, that his grand design is greater than our own expectations, however noble they may be – which means, without a doubt, there is a purpose for the stable. God is intimately, unceasingly, invasively, personally involved in every aspect of our lives.

At some point, on earth or in Heaven, we will praise him for the stable, because he loves you and me as much as he loved Mary – take a moment and grasp that – and He has as much reason and purpose for putting us in our particular stable as he did Mary and baby Jesus. And this should give us hope – And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:5)

Merry Christmas.

Visit Missy at her blog,

Overcoming Darkness

Sitting in the dark, a hot little forehead pressed against my chest, I watch the clock display the passing minutes. It is early, early in the morning and little Zachary has barely slept. He's comfortable now, so I plan to stay right where I am, snuggled on the couch under an afghan, listening to the sounds of our home. His breathing is calm and deep, as is mine. I don't mind the dark. It clothes me thickly and allows me to embrace thoughts I may push out of my mind in the lighter hours of the day. Busyness has no hold on me in the darkness.

Memories of the past year travel lazily through my mind. It seems far away now, but at the time my depression suffocated me and erased any possibility of future happiness. Darkness swept over me and my soul hurt with the weight of it. Looking back, from this physical darkness that feels so much more peaceful, I realize that I was pulled unknowingly through that time by a thread of hope deeper than my own consciousness. I didn't know if God was there. God is light; I was in darkness. How could I reconcile those opposites?

I tried to quote scripture to myself in those dark days. It sounded hollow to my ears, to my spirit, too. So many saints had been through darkness and didn't lose faith, why was I floundering?

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
Psalm 143:3-4

The baby stirs on my chest, sniffles, and settles again, his weight hot and damp. I reflect on the gift that he is, though bearing him and living through his first months resulted in my spiritual valley. I feel grateful, yet aware that I had just passed through a season of complete ungratefulness, and whisper a prayer to thank God for the darkness I experienced. That depression, a common occurrence in our world, but unique in my life, had birthed renewed appreciation for the light that is God's presence. I wished I had thanked God in the midst of it, if not for it, following Job's example...

"You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept
good from God, and not trouble?"
Job 2:10

I carefully rise from the couch, cradling Zachary's little head. His binky slips out of his mouth without incident, proving the deepness of his sleep. I realize as I begin to step toward the stairs that there is a soft, almost imperceptible glow in the room, a precursor to the dawn. I hadn't noticed the light before, but the darkness is no longer quite as heavy. I smile to myself, realizing that my depression had faded just as quietly, in tiny increments, bringing dawn in on tiptoe, until I could once more see the steps ahead of me.

I place the sleeping baby in his crib and head to my own room for an hour, perhaps two, of sleep. No matter. It has been a time of reflecting, of learning, of accepting the lessons brought by the darkness. Sleep comes peacefully, tenderly, and is welcomed.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze...
Do not be afraid
for I am with you...
Isaiah 43:2,5

• How have the valleys in your life shaped your view of God? Your sense of gratitude?



• Are you able to see God in the "darkness", or does it take time and hindsight to learn what God is trying to teach you?



• What can you tell yourself in future dark times that will remind you that the light will come and you one day will be able to see God in your circumstances? Write yourself a note now to keep for when that time comes.

DEALING WITH THE STUFF

My sister, Aimee called me Sunday afternoon and said, "the ladies are so excited that you are coming to speak!"....I said real quick like...."well, they better get over it!---I am nothing to be excited about!" But Jesus is. Actually, I am the one that is excited. I am excited that the Lord has allowed me a voice to share His mercy and goodness to any person with ears! Whether they want to hear it or not....and you know, every now and then you come across someone that "does not want to hear".

This past Sunday, Rylan, our oldest grandson (the one with the autism disorder), was able to spend the day with us and he was doing pretty good that day, so I thought, well, I'll just take him with me in church instead of taking him to nursery (he's 6 but because of his condition, he generally doesn't do well in church with the sounds of the instruments, singing, etc.---too much stimulation). Anyway, we were getting to the "preaching segment" of the service, and he had done well so far, but I was still of holding my breath. As the visiting minister came to the platform and began his welcome, Rylan said in a not so quiet voice, "Is he Jesus?"....I said no, but he is about to tell us about Jesus. And so he did.

This actually brings me to something the Lord has been dealing with me about. Our reflection of Jesus. What are we showing the world? If the world came to our house, could they look inside every closet, drawer and cabinet?...What would they see? If nothing was hidden....what reflection would be seen? Jesus? Or, the world?

The Lord began directing my thoughts in this line during my sister, Wanda's last few months, and even more so just after her passing. What her life reflected. What you saw in her home. What was in her spiritual heart. Not the physical one. For that one was malformed. But her spiritual heart was completely in perfect order with Him. Her Lord.

I was talking with Aimee about this as we were cleaning up before she came home from the hospital in January after the long stay just days after Christmas. Her kitchen counters had "things of life" on them. Music CD's that she listened to "to encourage her heart", medicine, papers, mail, cards, a book or two, many things that had just not been put in it's correct place.

She had become overwhelmed in the days before Christmas with all the functions, activities and cooking that was necessary and had not had a chance to put things that was readily visible in complete order. But, when you opened the cabinet in search of something, the cabinets were in tip-top shape. Bowls stacked according to size, lids all together, glasses clean and without spots, and in their correct place, and her pantry was much the same.

Wanda could tell you exactly where everything was kept. (Which she did once she came home and we began cooking for her.) Everything on the inside was in perfect order. She had more stuff on the outside than she could cope with at times, but she organized and put away as she could to keep things in such condition that she would not be embarrassed for anyone to come in and visit.

I began to think of my own house. Not only my physical house, but my spiritual house. I have too much stuff. More furniture than I know what to do with right now (since we just let the lease on the apartment go). I have had to crowd as many things in a closet as will fit. While most of the time, the dishes, pots and pans are in a passable order, there are the times when my husband may put something away....and not knowing my "system" ---well, you get the picture...or at least once it all falls out you will!

As the Lord began dealing with me about things in my house, as well as things in my heart, I knew it was time to deal with both.

Stuff can overwhelm us. Not only too many things in our home, but too much going on in our lives. Philippians 3:13-14 says "No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven." (NLT)

Have you ever noticed how the world makes it all too easy to just "hang on to stuff". Not only do we cram our closets, but we rent "storage rooms" or warehouse units so that we can "keep piling things up". Why? Why would we want to continually flood our lives with things that we need to deal with now?

I am guilty of that myself. When we moved to Marianna we had to rent storage until we "repaired" the house we are living in. Then we had to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. Right now, we have some things in storage. Some is being stored for future use for Tiffany and Jared, some for April and David. But as for me....I am dealing with and getting rid of all things that are unnecessary in my house and life right now. Lesson learned long ago.

Almost 15 years ago I was in a raw emotional condition due to not dealing with some critical issues in my heart and life. They were painful. It was hard. It was much easier to just tuck it all away in a pretty box and label it "do not open". Trouble came though, when the box lid slipped. I don't remember what caused it...but when it slipped...the stuff came boiling to the top. This is painful even to admit I allowed myself to become so "overtaken by anxiety" that one night---after many nights of sleeplessness, the enemy of my soul crept into my room and whispered into my ear..."What's it all for? Why continue on? Who would miss you? Who would care? They'd all be better off"....and I listened...and cried in my pillow. I will tell you --I am ashamed to say this, hardly anyone knows the depth of my pain from this moment of my life, but even the thought of ending my life entered my head.

Tormented in my heart as I was, I cannot believe now that I could be in such a despondent condition. I hardly remember that girl of anxiety and despair. I know in my heart and mind right now that I would have not followed through with the thoughts of destruction, but I say this to tell you that "anyone" is susceptible to the attack of the enemy.

I look back now and wonder how/why? I had done almost everything in the church from cleaning toilets to teaching Sunday School. Yet, in all of that life of "christian activity", I was not exempt from the evil attack of satan. It was the most horrendous of enemy attacks I believe that exists, because when he tempts you to "take your life", he is telling you that you can "control" your life and God. Friend...you cannot control God. The enemy is trying to succeed in casting you in outer darkness forever. No turning back. When the last breath flows out, there is no putting life back in. I believe you have just physically plucked yourself from God's hand and jumped headlong into eternity---without Him.

Fortunately, I had presence of mind to cry out to Abba Father, and He was in the house---chasing the enemy from the room as I called out to Him in my pain. As I lay on the floor in the bathroom and sobbed out to Him, He reached down and picked me up. I eventually returned to bed---and Jeff was never aware (until days later), of the spiritual battle that had taken place that night while he slept. It was a battle. And I knew that I was not "armed" for this battle as I should have been.

While my house and life had been flooded with "stuff" ...there were some things I had neglected. Daily prayer. Daily reading of God's Word. Intercessory prayer for others. Yes, you can do all the "christian things that are expected of you" and still neglect your own heart and prayer life. Oh, I was still a Christian, but I was running around practically naked (if you will pardon that example). My spiritual clothing was missing. Parts of it was there, but it was ill fitting because I had neglected to keep it in tip-top shape. What to do?

Clean out your closet and drawers. Don't leave anything in. Get it all out. As Aimee, Wanda and I had made plans to help each other in the beginning of this year "clean out the excess stuff"...we had proclaimed that we were going to get "Ruthless" with each other's stuff. No hanging on to things that were unnecessary. Apply that to spiritual things in our lives. Take it all out and examine it for wear and tear. If it's not appropriate....get rid of it.

The closer I get to the Lord, I am finding that things---I'm not necessarily speaking of clothes here, but some things are just not "for me" any longer. Things that might have been okay, in the past few years, aren't any more. Even some --dare I say..."TV shows"....make me uncomfortable the closer I get to the Lord. I have a new determination that I have never experienced....to follow hard after Him. I don't want anything...ANYTHING to stand in the way of my relationship with God. Not any individual...nor any earthly possession. There is nothing...and nobody like my JESUS!

Ephesians 4:10-18 (NLT) "A final word: Be strong with the Lord's mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere."

The entire wardrobe of holiness must be donned daily. DAILY. In a recent discussion with Aimee, we both shared our need for prayer in the morning. Aimee said, "I don't feel fully dressed if I haven't prayed." Without a doubt, that is the truth.

We aren't adequately covered spiritually if we don't get with the Father....and I have to do that in the mornings as well as at the close of my day. My former prayer life was not as fervent. But I have learned. It is the "effectual fervent prayer that will avail much". The Matthew Henry Commentary shares that "the prayer itself must be a fervent, in-wrought, well-wrought prayer. It must be a pouring out of the heart to God; and it must proceed from a faith unfeigned. Such prayer avails much. " To get a clearer understanding of this I looked up avail. Avail means to be of use or value to; profit; advantage; have force or efficacy; or the power or capacity to produce a desired effect.

So, where do we go from here? I tell you where I'm going. I am dealing with everything that comes up....as it comes up. No waiting. No putting it off or in a cute box....It's deal with it now. If you wait, the enemy has a chance to plan a strategy to use it against you.

I am closing with this: After Wanda passed away, Mark asked Aimee and I to meet him at the house to choose her clothes for burial. As we began searching through her closet for a dress, I noticed how neat and orderly her shoes and her clothes were. She did not have a cram packed closet of clothes. Just enough to take her through each season of life. Her shoes were neatly hanging in the shoe bag. Not an extraordinary amount. Shoes were not her obsession. After we chose her dress, I began going through her dresser drawers for other necessary things and found her things in perfect order.

As I rolled this over in my mind---I realized that with Wanda, what you saw on the outside...a neat, petite, orderly sweet woman, was exactly what she was on the inside. Both physically and spiritually. While her physical "heart" was not formed from birth as it should have been, her spiritual heart was in perfect formation. I knew right then I had some things that needed tending to. I am continually cleaning out. Continually removing, rearranging, and getting downright "ruthless" with myself, to be in perfect alignment with my Father.

So...are you ready? Grab those garbage bags girls....let's get to it!

I welcome your visit to my blog!

Shore of Salvation

"Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on Me – the very thing you’ve been unwilling to do.”
Isaiah 30: 16-17

Have you ever seen a drowning person being rescued? I remember seeing a young girl flailing around in the water as my dad and a friend jumped in to save her. She fought at first, grabbing at them with all her might and fighting to stay afloat. With fear in her eyes, she wasn’t realizing that she was actually working against those who were there to help her. It wasn’t until she settled down and depended on them to help her, that they were able to pull her to safety.

The Bible says, in the same way, that our “salvation requires us to turn back to God and stop our silly efforts to save ourselves. Our strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on Him.” So many times, we fight against all that Christ tells us, thinking that we are going to help ourselves, but this verse tells us this is simply “silly efforts”. We are only saved by “settling down and completely depending on Christ”.

What is tugging at you and trying to pull you under? Perhaps you are still searching and have yet to even find Christ as your Savior. He is waiting to rescue you from your sin and be everything you need. For those of us that have already experienced His salvation, is there something that is pulling us under the waters of life? Are we struggling to stay afloat financially? Is it taking all of our strength to tread the water in a strained relationship? Perhaps we are simply struggling in the undercurrent of our culture and finding ourselves being drug out further than we should go. No matter where we are, the rescue itself will look the same. We must “stop our silly efforts to save ourselves, settle down, and depend completely on Christ to save us. He is able and He is there waiting for us to turn to Him and trust Him to take us to safety.

Stop grapping at everything else around you and looking for another way out, and just surrender to Him. Allow Him to pull you from the water of worry, the sea of sin, and the rivers of regret, and take you to the incredible shore of Salvation.

Lord, thank you that you are my Savior. Thank you that you are always there to rescue me if I will only stop my own silly efforts to save myself, settle down, and depend on you. Thank you that no matter how deep I may find myself, You are always deeper still.

In Him~
Tammy…

You can read more from Tammy by visiting her at Steps in Our Journey

For Those Who Struggle Through the Holidays

Dear Reader: The following is a column I wrote for our local newspaper. This column probably means the most to me of all that I've written because I can relate first-hand to depression, and I received more feedback about this column than any other. You may not be struggling in the grip of depression, but you probably know someone who is. God is sovereign--let God be praised, for He pulls us out of pits such as depression and promises that nothing can ever separate us from His love!


Words of Hope for the Discouraged

Lauren sits at the Christmas dinner table with her head gratefully bowed, realizing she's holding the hands of the dearest blessings in her life: family. But Lauren's Christmas prayer is an exercise in faith and maturity because she doesn't feel much emotional warmth or connection. She is numb. Lauren is fighting depression that intensifies during the holidays, when the pressure is on to be happy.

Can believers, claiming to know the source of peace and wholeness, be depressed? From David, who poured out his intense angst in the Psalms, to you and me, it happens. Whether by circumstance or biology, people of faith struggle with this paradox.

Others simplistically advise, "Read your Bible more," or "Quit navel-gazing and go work in a soup kitchen," or "Depression is a part of life. Get over it." The depressed person knows that compared to those in Darfur or those facing catastrophic illness and loss, she has nothing to moan about, so the admonishment only contributes to her implosion -- guilt and shame are heavyweights. Some people are born seeing their proverbial gravy boats half full instead of half empty, and they will never understand persistent depression.

Many in the heat of the battle faithfully follow directives for coping, including counseling, medication, serving others, exercising, keeping a gratitude journal, etc. They are committed to slogging through the wet cement of depression. Still, they are wondering, "Will this ever end?"

It will.

The key is not to ask, "How long, O Lord?" but to continually affirm, "His grace (strength) is sufficient for me," whether enduring the holidays or 3 a.m. insomnia. Just because you don't feel spiritual doesn't mean God has left you; relationship is more than feelings. The verse 2 Timothy 2:13 says, "If we are faithless, he will remain faithful."

Sometimes we travel through dark tunnels we never saw coming. We look around, and others don't seem to be affected. We look ahead and can't see any light. We pray and hear an echo. Pretty soon we just sit quietly, confused and anxious.

Keep praying -- your prayers are heard.

The shortest distance between two points, the beginning and end of your tunnel, is a straight line. Don't be so impatient to stop the pain that you lurch out sideways; you'll feel the wall you throw yourself into. Listen for the voice that says, "This is the way, walk in it; do not turn to the right or to the left."

You are going to come out on the other side of depression like waking from a coma. Your spiritual eyes will open, and you'll see how God was with you, teaching you, comforting you. You won't be so tired anymore. Your relationships will be meaningful again. The glass wall between you and others will shatter. You'll be glad you hung in there for one more day ... then one more day.

Your purpose and destiny are not nullified because of this struggle. In fact, you'll be able to help others better because you'll be spiritually richer, more compassionate, more humble, more usable, and more in love with God.

So stay the course. The darkness is almost over. Hold on one more day ... and then one more.



2nd Cup of Coffee

When Depression Threatens, Don't Forget Your Slingshot

About 12 years ago, I experienced my first bout of extended depression, not just a week or two of the blues, but the real deal--a suffocating, absolutely relentless depression. It made me feel like one of those caged cats in the zoo who paces back and forth day after day after day behind steel bars, unhappily separated from his former life and former self--or perhaps who spends the day sleeping, seizing his only respite from his misery.

Eventually, I sought spiritual counseling, sought medical help, turned to friends who loved me unconditionally, began exercising and focusing on surviving, and because God never gives up on us even when we've abandoned all hope and sometimes even abandoned Him, I am here today. I claim Psalm 94:16-18, "Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' your love, O LORD, supported me."

I'd like to offer a few tools, simple as they are, that I use to help batten down the hatches when the winds of depression kick up in my life. Maybe they will be relevant to you or a friend.

The first/best line of defense against any threat is prayer and reading God's Word, of course. But since we eventually have to close the Bible or stop praying actual words for periods of time, I think it's wise to have some small practical weapons in our arsenal with which to fight these battles. Sometimes it only takes a few stones in a slingshot to bring down an enemy of the Lord!

I'm not a professional, of course, but I am a survivor. Is my life perfect now? No. Do I ever feel down? Sure I do. But--when I feel the shadow of that terrible period hovering over me now, I quickly and confidently acknowledge that I am not powerless. I do not panic anymore because "If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed"(John 8:36).

Here are some "stones" I keep handy when I'm under attack:

1. I remind myself of the verse above by stating, "Jesus set me free of depression; therefore, I am free. I may feel threatened. I may feel a little roughed up. Doubt may be tapping me on the shoulder. None of those feelings can compromise the truth: I am, at my core, set free from depression's oppression. Thank God. Now that I've remembered that the issue is settled, what else can I focus on to strengthen my faith?"

2. I get outside at least briefly, to get natural light. Outside light is different from indoor light, even on a partly cloudy day. Twenty minutes can do a world of good. And if I walk those 20 minutes, even better. Plus, outside I can pray more effectively. When I was heavily depressed, my mind was a thick fog, and I couldn't stay focused on praying or reading the Bible if there was any aural or visual distraction.

3. I avoid sad songs/movies/books/network news. I avoid rehearsing the time when I was depressed. I simply avoid reinforcing anything negative at all, until I feel I'm past the most intense vulnerability.

4. Any time you remove a temptation or avoid something, you need to provide a substitute to fill its spot. So you guessed it; I listen to music that glorifies Jesus or I listen to secular songs that I know also evoke positive feelings/outlook, none about broken hearts. I look for little ways to help other people; I watch funny movies. I talk to friends who will lift me up. It's OK for me to express what I'm battling with a friend, but we need to quickly leave the subject and talk about healthy, uplifting topics--not dwell on how low I feel.

5. I talk myself "down from the ledge." I say, "You are an old pro at fighting this. You are smarter than the threat. Your sad feelings may be valid; they may be rational depending on what's going on in your life currently, even so--it's still not all about you and your feelings in this world. Move emotionally outward. Feelings are fleeting. This depression is not coming to stay; it's coming to pass. You are prayed up, read up, sung up--now get up and live like a nondepressed person. Smile." Guess what? I start to feel like an overcomer. and that's not being false--remember--I have been set free. I am an overcomer.

I am not boasting about having it all together; I do not have all the answers, nor do I have particularly original suggestions. It was Christ who set me free and the Holy Spirit who teaches me how to cope with my own personal trials. But sometimes I need to be reminded of fundamental truths and simple plans for facing hulking giants. Now matter how large depression looms, I know that I serve a bigger God. According to Ephesians 4:8 "When He [Christ] ascended on high, He led captivity captive [He led a train of vanquished foes] and He bestowed gifts on men" (Amplified). He has defeated depression. He has bestowed on me the grace to face my fears, an abundant life to enjoy in Him, and courage and desire to begin a brand new day.



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The Shadow of His Wings

Every day going to and from work, I pass a small municipal airport sitting so far from the road I rarely remember it’s there. Instead, I’m focused on the day’s events or on jabbing buttons to get to a better song.

Occasionally, out of the blue, a shadow sweeps over my car, quickening my adrenalin and firing up goose bumps. For a split second, as the interior of my car darkens and lightens again, all I know is that something big is happening all over and around me. Before I can make sense of it, it’s over. Afterwards, I smile at myself for forgetting where I am . . . airplanes tend to hang around airports.

No matter how many times I watch planes take off and land, I never get over the wonder of the physics and finesse of the maneuver. The procedure is so far above me, literally and mentally. And when one descends relatively close by, it’s always breathtaking.

I’ve noticed that God often reinforces such arresting images to teach or reassure me. For example, I was walking in my neighborhood listening to “Better is One Day” by Kutless, and a plane cast its shadow over me again. Coincidentally, there is a line in the song that says, “I sing beneath the shadow of your wings” (Psalm 63:7). I was sensing a theme. As I listened, it occurred to me that the “fly-over” is how I often experience God’s presence in my life, especially when I cannot seem to hear his voice or feel his direction.

Christians often talk about moments when we feel God’s presence or hear him speak and the times we don’t. Of course, God is faithful and constant, but we seem to have certain expectations of how he will communicate with us, and if he decides to use another means, we often miss hearing him. Other times, we might miss him if we’re simply too distracted by pushing life’s buttons, trying to get to the next best thing or stay ahead of the game. And how easy is it to miss his voice if we’re constantly submerged in TV, music, movies, telephone conversations, and (gasp) blogging? I’ve never known anyone who experienced Jesus walking into their room, turning off the TV or computer and demanding, “We need to talk!” although I have wondered about my occasional Internet shutdowns!

Obviously, we could write off those examples of apparent silence as our fault, but what about those times when we focus intently on hearing him, and we’re met with silence? Just the other day, I was following the ACTS L guide to praying (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication and listening). When I got to the listening part, I quieted my mind and waited, but I sensed no revelations, no guidance, not so much as a cricket chirp of communication. That can be discouraging.

Oswald Chambers has something interesting to say about silence: “[God’s] silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvelous understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said – ‘I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone.’ He did not, and today you find He gave you the bread of life.”

Some believe silence is holy--especially those with toddlers! I believe God uses periods of silence to deepen our faith. Perhaps silence tests us insofar as showing how little it takes to discourage us, in order to compel us to grow deeper. On the other hand, if we steadfastly continue to seek him during our trials, silence may help prove that our faith remains hardy in spite of circumstances, marking a robust and seasoned faith. If you’re waiting for a response to a specific prayer, remember how long Job waited to hear from God. In other words, waiting in and of itself can be a message.

So now I view periods of silence another way. I look for the Lord to “fly over” my life, covering me with his presence. Almost immediately, I begin to see him in others, in his creation, or in music. And no matter how many times I experience him close-up and personal like this, just as with the airplane flying low over my car, I never get over the wonder of it—he is awesome.

Our God casts a big shadow—a big, big, shadow, with the majesty of an eagle whose wingspan is immeasurable, with the precision and power of the most sophisticated aircraft and the tender care of a mother covering her children. His presence is all I need. The image of the mighty eagle swooping down and up, circling and watching, casting his holy shadow over my life, allows me to lay my head on my pillow at night in peace. And in my spirit, I sing beneath the shadow of his wings.