The Truth Of the Matter

If you speak to any insecure woman long enough then you are bound to get to the root of the cause and likely, it isn't a pleasant situation. You see, lurking in the fast paced, get-it-done, information superhighway known as the internet is a not so hidden evil: pornography.

Unfortunately, I have gone to generic websites only to see a flashing image in the sidebar that screams for attention. For some, the attention can turn into sin. It did for me.

Having never even clicked on the image to see what it was about I did several things that caused me to sin:

1. I judged the woman who's face I saw.
2. I became unsatisfied with my own self and the way God created me because I did not compare in physical appearance to the woman who's image I'd seen.
3. I became enraged at her and other girls like her and the men who continued to obsessively keep them in business.

It put me in bondage. God had to set me free.

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
James 3:16

I had become envious of what I believed I did not have: my husband's sole desire; a body like I had when I was 20; and answers as to why these girls do what they do. Then God spoke to my heart...

In the midst of angry thoughts towards these women God put images into my head, new ones. I saw an older man and He spoke directly to me. He said, "She is my daughter. I was never there for her. I worked long hours and weekends believing that was what she needed to have a good life. I wasn't there to love her but others were. What have I done?"

Then I saw a woman about my age. She was crying and through her tears she mumbled, "She is my little sister. She was date raped when she was 16. She planned on saving herself for marriage. That all changed after that night. She was never the same again."

I tried to shrug off the things going through my mind at that point but God persisted. A little girl showed up next. She was making cereal for her little brother. After she poured the milk she explained that her daddy left and her mom couldn't pay the bills. They had already lived in their car and they didn't have enough money to get to her grandma's house. One day a nice guy offered her mommy a job taking pictures. Mommy promised she would only take a few and that once she had enough money to get to grandmas then she would stop but after a while that nice man wouldn't let her stop. He would come to get her mom if she tried to stay home. He hit her a lot too. She put the milk back in the refrigerator and my thoughts drifted to another scene.

I saw a casket. A woman and a man knelt beside it. Her screams penetrated every fiber of my being. She cried and wailed. I saw a picture of a beautiful young girl on a table near the head of the box that would forever be her resting place. The father picked up the photo and held it to his close to his heart. Through his tears he said, "My daughter was kidnapped when she was 13 years old. Within days she was sold into sex trafficking and even though we got close to finding her many times they always managed to keep her just out of reach. They eventually killed her for trying to escape but not before they had uploaded her photos to the internet for all the world to see. They left her in a ditch like she was nobody. The papers read, 'Local Prostitute Found Dead.' She isn't a prostitute! She is my little girl!" Tears overcame him as he rejoined his wife.

By this time I was crying too and I knew exactly what God was trying to tell me. I'd never seen these women as real people before. I just always saw them as my enemy. God wanted me to see them through His eyes. They all have a story just like I do. They have reasons for their actions just like I do. God loves them as much as He loves me and He wants them to spend all of eternity in heaven with Him too.

I have a new perspective on this. Though there are some who may not have ever experienced anything like this and still have chosen to live this life, we have to remember they are still God's children. We must pray for them. We must treat them with dignity and respect and we must not judge them.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

If we want to see this foul practice come to an end then we need to intercede on behalf of all of those involved. We must ask God to break the strongholds and we must seek to find security in God and not in what we perceive to be desirable beauty. If we each only focus in prayer for one person then we could most certainly change the world. Won't you join me?

Two great ministries to get information on this subject matter is: Cyrus International and A21.

I'd love for you to visit me at my personal blog: In Pursuit of Proverbs 31

Do Not Stop On Tracks

Do Not Stop On Tracks

I pass this sign on a daily basis. The tracks run between a tiny section of Linden Street between a set of stop lights a block or two apart. Much to my chagrin, trains often use this track when I am in a hurry to get somewhere.

But please, who would be silly enough to stop on these tracks? Still, it seems to be human nature to ignore these kinds of signs. And children who live near train tracks have to be told over and over not to play on the tracks. Sometimes, it seems, that we flirt with danger.

I'm law abiding (I've never gotten a speeding ticket!). So, stopping on these tracks isn't really an issue. But, I found God asking me, "So, what tracks do you stop on?" Me? Law abiding, Amy?

I have recently become acquainted with a woman who is new to my church. A friend told me I had to meet her because we process the entire issue of singleness in the same way. My interest peaked. However, we barely got introduced when she needed surgery. My friend was trying to find meals for her and I volunteered to make something and took it on Sunday.

Monday night I made my famous chocolate chip cookies. I always make plenty to share, so I decided to drop some cookies off to her as the medicinal impact of cookies is well known.

When I stopped in, her nieces were there to watch a movie with her. The cookies couldn't have had better timing. I was there for minutes, but I felt my heart sink as I left. I stopped on the tracks.

I have always wanted children. Barring that for the moment, I have always had this fantasy of "aunt-dom." In "aunt-dom" I imagined being the perfect aunt. I would go to soccer games and basketball games, plays and parties, take my nieces and nephews to McDonalds, let them stay up late, raptly listen to their stories, and be an all-around-cool kind of aunt. It hasn't worked out that way. We live too far apart and there are certain family dynamics that have made it an impossible dream.

But still, I dream of it. Walking in on them was like walking in on part of that dream. There was an easiness about it. One niece was helping with something. The woman from church teased the younger of the two about what her present for her upcoming birthday might be. My heart lept-- I want a day like this with my nieces and nephews! But, my heart also fell because I was instantly seized with jealousy. And then, I dawdled along those tracks for the rest of the day and evening.

As I prayed about it, God brought to mind this sign. He also brought to mind a friend's comment the other day. My friend Jill was with me when I dropped off my meal. We talked briefly and somehow it came up that I often spend time with Jill's children. Jill said something to the effect of not having family in town and me being an "adopted aunt" to them. God reminded me of the tough spring I had. When I was feeling a bit better, I had them over. One of them said, "It's been 2 months since we spent the night!" I was astonished they had been keeping track. There couldn't have been a sweeter compliment.

How do we get off those tracks when the bars have come down and the lights are flashing? Philippians 4:8 has some good advice.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (NIV)

So I'm counting my blessings. My nieces and nephews might be far away, but God has granted me several other kids to invest in -- to go to track meets, play games, indulge in little ways, cheer on during basketball, and hopefully help mold in positive ways.

Questions for reflection:

In what ways do you stop on the tracks?

How can you follow Paul’s advice to the Philippians?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Better than Shakespeare

There is an email circling around, perhaps you have gotten it. It includes a youtube link to Oprah's new book study, where she discusses why she rejected the Church. You can watch the video here. This is her quote:

"Then (the pastor) said, 'The Lord thy God is a jealous God, and I was...caught up in the rapture of that moment, until he said 'jealous'. And, something struck me. I was...about 27 or 28...and I was thinking, God is all, God is omnipresent and God's also jealous? God is jealous of me? And something about that didn't feel right in my spirit, because I believe that God is love and that God is in all things and so that's when the search for something more than doctrine started to stir within me."

Oprah and I (believe it or not) have a little something in common.

Sometimes I read a verse in the bible, and I, too, am "struck". Sometimes something doesn't sit right with me. Sometimes it seems to contradict what I believe I know about the nature of God.

Does that ever happen to you?

So, what do we do when this happens? Well, we have some choices.

• We can decide that God must be bad, and reject him.
• We can decide that the Bible must be flawed, and reject it.
• Or, we can treat it like Shakespeare.

Let me explain. I was an English major in college, so I studied a bit of Shakespeare. You have probably also read a play or two, even if it was eons ago. What do you remember about it?

Most of us would say, "I remember it was hard." I liked the Bard, and I still thought it was hard. The more I studied it, the more complex I found it to be. For starters, his plays reflect a culture that is virtually nothing like our own. (A professor once told me that the political satire A Comedy of Errors was as difficult to comprehend as a Saturday Night Live script would be, if found 2,000 years from now.) And then, there is the language barrier. Because it's in English, but...you know. Not our English. On top of that, there is so much symbolism and inside joking and slang and puns and historical reference...

Shakespeare's hard. And if you want to really appreciate his words, you have to study them. If you just pick up Hamlet and read it, you will get something out of it, no doubt. However, I wager there will be quite a few head-scratching moments. You might just skim over those hard parts. Or, like many a high school student, you might throw the book against the wall and, petulantly, declare it stupid.

Maybe you would then choose a simpler book, one where you weren't so challenged, one that closer matched your world view.

But, if you take a class on Shakespeare, you will discover what a genius he was. Learn a little about his culture, and you might laugh out loud at some of those jokes. Intently study his words, by consulting the minds of those who are experts on him, and you might be moved to tears by the beauty of his poetry.

Shakespeare was a smart guy, and his writings deserve a little brainpower to be truly appreciated.

God is much, much smarter than Shakespeare...and his writings deserve a little brainpower too.

The bible was written in a different language, in a culture opposite from our own, amidst a historical and political climate way beyond our experience. And the author is a Being so much different from us, whose thoughts are not our thoughts, and whose ways are not our ways.

When we read it, there are guaranteed to be some head-scratching moments.

If we really want to understand what God meant with a hard saying like, "I am a jealous God", we can study it. We can find commentaries written by brilliant women and men who have devoted their lives to figuring this stuff out, like this one, for instance.

We could humble ourselves to confess that, ahem. We don't know everything. Not about Shakespeare, and certainly not about God. We are limited creatures, with limited intellect and perspective, who frequently can and will be flat out stumped by the Creator of the universe.

We can remind ourselves that God is good, and if something we read in his Word seems to contradict that, then we need to study it and study it until it does, as Oprah said, 'feel right in our spirit.'

And most of all, we can appeal to the Holy Spirit to clear our minds of the lies and confusion from the world and reveal the beauty and clarity of the Word to us. And here's the best part - we are assured that he will answer this prayer! For that is his job:

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
John 14:26

What's your choice?

Visit Missy at her blog

Any Woman

I love it when God blows me away with the reality of His love, or with the certainty of forgiveness, or with glimpses of eternity. I love it when, because of His infinite patience, sometimes I finally "get it" that He is absolutely in control and will never leave me nor forsake me. I love those high and lofty moments that make me think, "This is what heaven will be like!"

Um . . . This won't be that kind of message. Today, God has really dropped a different kind of message into my heart. Definitely not warm and fuzzy, but girls, sometimes we've gotta hear it. (Tell me I'm not the only one.)

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Any woman can hold a grudge. Any . . . woman. Any woman can be an angry shrew. Any woman can hold another in distain and go through the motions of everyday life, bitter on the inside, "dutiful" on the outside. Any woman can build a wall around herself so as not become vulnerable . . . again. Any woman can concentrate on how 'right' she (actually) is, along with how 'taken for granted' she is, day after day. Any woman can mask discontent with busyness and a fake smile. Any woman can wear her disappointments like sparkling, shiny jewelry around her neck. Any woman can carry a mental, "How I've been wronged" list as ammunition against those who would suggest forgiveness. Any woman can quote scripture that she does not live. Any woman at all. Any woman.

It takes no special training. In fact, our flesh is well equipped with everything necessary to pull off the entire paragraph above without breaking a sweat. We come fully loaded with an aptitude toward jealousy, anger, bitterness, self-righteousness, self pity, and an everlovin' bucket full of "All of the reasons I have a right to pout."


To be honest, there have been way too many times that I have deserved the title "Queen of Mean" - skillfully displaying all of the above traits with abandon. My fearful heart was the cause of my behavior. But a bruised and battered heart will act like that, too. So will a confused heart. And, over time, habits of behavior form, to protect those damaged hearts, and we become . . . any woman.


But you know, don't you, that we aren't called to be 'any woman' - we are called to be God's woman. God's woman refuses to accept the enemy's description of her situation. She flows in forgiveness, because unforgiveness would place a barrier between her and her God. She doesn't operate in anger, because she recognizes that THAT is a trait of her enemy. She isn't wiped out by life's disappointments because she trusts God to be in control. She is reasonably comfortable with her limitations because she knows that God is aware of them too. God's woman does not hold a grudge - she knows that THAT will never reflect her Savior's image. She is intimately connected to THE Source - Who directs her life. God's woman has learned that bitterness doesn't produce beauty, but vulnerability, in Christ, does.

'Any woman' will continually move farther and farther from her divine destiny.

God's woman will rock her world simply by choosing to reflect the Savior rather than her flesh.

"Let not your beauty be [merely] external adorning, but let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God" (1 Peter 3:3-4 Amp)


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A couple of months ago, I attended a women's conference where Holly Wagner spoke. She made a statement that sticks with me still. She was speaking about the beginning of our Christian walk when the road is wide and full of people. Then, it becomes narrow, and less populated as 'runners' drop out of the race. She said:

"As the road narrows, the crowd thins out. (Not as many chicks still walkin' the walk.) And though there aren't as many women, the caliber of woman you meet there, on the narrow road, will take your breath away!" (Holly Wagner - paraphrase)

Does our walk take anyone's breath away, Lord? Are we willing to give up our "rights" at the foot of the cross, and allow you to break us, mold us, into Your image? Have we allowed Christ to fill us, so that we finish this race as God's woman? Or are we full of . . . us? Of all the things we've ever wanted to be, Lord - "Any woman" - is not one of them.

Have Your way, Lord. . . Have Your way.




Visit Darnelle at her personal blog:
All Things Work Together

Don't ignore the elephant

It's not something that is easy to admit. Some may have to face it each and every day. Often times it creeps in slowly and other times it is thrown right into our face. We think to ourselves, "I am not sure what is wrong, oh, but I know it is not that." It sits right in the middle of the room like an elephant and yet we choose to completely ignore it.

But one day we will be forced to acknowledge it's presence, otherwise it will continue to grow deeper and stronger and before we know it, our thoughts have been completely overtaken. What in the world am I talking about it? The spirit of envy! We don't wake up one day and choose to be envious. No, often times it shows up on our door step or has slowly leaked into our thoughts and has gone unnoticed for years. The sheer definition of the word makes me squirm a bit, " painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage." Oh, how painfully aware I am of those things that others seem to have an advantage in that I don't. Through the years my own insecurities and lack has caused me to literally sit on the elephants back and yet deny in my own heart that it was actually there.

But the one thing we can't ignore is the company it keeps in scripture. Just read through Galatians 5 and notice the other "works of the flesh" which are listed right along with envy.

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21

And does anyone besides me notice where it sits in the list? Between heresy (denial of truth) and murder. All I can say is that I better pay attention. King Saul ignored the warning signs and instead chose to allow the spirit of envy take root. Initially Saul was highly pleased with David and set him over his men of war. But one day Saul heard the women of Israel singing, "Saul has slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands" (1 Samuel 18:7). Scripture goes on to say, "Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on" (1 Samuel 18:9). God has placed each one of us in the body of Christ according to His purpose (1 Corinthians 12:18), and has assigned to each of us a place in life (1 Corinthians 7:17).

Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

The cure for the sin of envy is to find our contentment in God. Asaph in Psalm 73 was envious of the wicked as he saw their apparent prosperity (verse 3). He felt his pursuit of a holy life was in vain (verse 13). Only when he was enabled to say to God, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is none upon earth I desire besides you." (verse 25), was he delivered from the sin of envy.

Has envy taken up residence in your own heart? Meditate on His truths and His promises! God wants to deliver you.



In Him...Chris

Chris may also be found at her personal blog Come to the Table

Spears of the Heart

Someone once said, “It’s a safe bet that if a pastor is ‘stuck’ on one topic in the pulpit that he himself is struggling with that issue.”

I’m not sure about that, but I eventually came to apply this theory to my life, recognizing that repetitions of certain themes are probably God’s attempt to gently shape, direct, or correct my inner man. If I still don’t pay attention, He is then usually less subtle. I prefer the subtle method!

And now, with a deep sigh, I reveal to you that lately, due to recurring pop-up instances, I apparently need to re-visit the problem of envy.

Honestly, my first self-preserving inclination is to point out to you that I am NOT super envious—not as bad as, say, that insecure, disobedient, spear-hurling King Saul, who was delirious in his jealousy of David--nay, not I! My envy is way less “sinful” than Saul’s! I’m being facetious, of course. Sin is sin, and to qualify sin is useless. Like cancer, sin manifests itself in stages, and whether it’s stage 1 or stage 4, it’s all bad. A little bit of leaven, you know.

Envy is admiration gone south, and it’s particularly destructive. It begins when we see gifts and strengths in others, or some blessing befalls them, and we are caught up in their charisma or accomplishments, and we admire them. So far, so good.

If we’re not careful, though, we start to wonder why we are lacking in those qualities or blessings. Slowly at first, an emotional downward spiral begins twisting, and we go from rejoicing with to wishing we had what they have, then to focusing on our deficiencies, then to becoming discontent, self-absorbed and bitter. In fact, at the spiral’s vortex is selfishness. We lose sight of who we truly are in Christ and inexplicably forget the goodness He has poured into our lives.

I’m reminded of Saul in 1 Samuel 23:21 when the men of Ziph betrayed David by telling Saul where David was hiding: “Well, Praise the Lord” Saul said. “At last someone has had pity on me!” [Living Bible]. When I read that, I laid my Bible down, cracked a sarcastic smile and thought, “Boo-hoo. You were an idiot. You had the most loyal servant in David, but you were blind. Sheesh! Glad I never have those pity parties!" I must confess, however, that I do throw myself the occasional "pity blow-out."

By chapter 23, Saul was not only peeved with David, but he had convinced himself that no one around him understood him or was loyal. And we all know what became of this envious King who once stood head and shoulders above the rest. He became the object of scorn and pity—ugly attributes became his legacy.

I suppose you want the lowdown on my envy. I’ll give you my latest example. Recently I opened our newspaper and read about a local author who said, “I never wanted to write at all. The book contract just sort of fell into my lap.” Well, I’ve always wanted to write, and publishing opportunities are not miraculously floating in my cereal bowl each morning or cropping up like dandelions in my lawn. Therefore, I felt a twinge of resentment when I read about her good fortune. I’m sure she deserved to be published. I’m sure she’s more talented than the average person. I’m happy for her, really I am. There’s room enough in this world for gazillions of authors. But my internal brat cried out, “How long, O Lord, how long? (Before a contract falls into my lap?)” In other words, I believe I grumbled. I also believe grumbling and resenting are tiny arrows hurled from an imperfect heart, or sin, if you must make me say it.

The antidote to the poison arrow is two-fold:

Part 1--Prayer for forgiveness, cleansing, creating within me a clean heart and right thinking, expressing gratitude for innumerable blessings, blessing the person for whom I had resentment, laying my feelings at the foot of the cross, etc.

Part 2—Surrendering my insecurities and my desires. This act is more difficult than asking forgiveness. In fact, Dr. Daniel Harrell, Pastor of Park Street Church in Boston has said, “A prayer of surrender, a prayer of genuine trust is the hardest prayer to pray. To be someone after God’s own heart is to be someone not after your own.”

At this point, I must ask myself: If, for any reason, God does not wish me to pursue being published, am I willing to lay that desire down and pursue His plans? Or, suppose he wants me stop my negative self-talk and pity parties and work more diligently at being published. Am I willing to sacrifice—to say “no” to some things in order to say “yes” to this plan? Am I totally surrendered, no matter what?

Our great Enemy launches enough spears at us without our mimicking him with each other. I do not want to cast arrows at my brothers and sisters. So once again, I’m laying down my arrows and surrendering my will to my Father's plan. Because more than anything, I want to be a woman after God’s own heart, no matter what path he directs me to. I only know that on that path, there is no room for envy.



Please visit my blog at 2nd cup of Coffee