Conditions for Growth

My husband and I would love to have a garden. We envision someday having dozens of square feet of lush, ripe soil filled to overflowing with vegetables of all kinds, a harvest too much for our family, but perfect for sharing with neighbors and friends. This spring we dreamed of beginning one, yet looking ahead to our traveling schedule over the summer, we decided to wait another year.


Instead, my husband thought we should try our hand at a couple of easy-to-grow veggies in large rectangular flower pots on our sun-drenched deck to see if he had a green thumb. He started with radishes. They grew beautifully and easily and we enjoyed fresh radishes on our salads for a number of weeks. Next he planted some carrot seeds. "Five weeks", read the packet. So we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But the tiny green shoots coming from the soil didn't look like they ever matured. They were scrawny and thin and we could only hope that the carrots underneath were full-grown.

Last week, my husband had had enough of the waiting and decided to pull one out to see for himself what they looked like. His over-dramatic disappointment (purely for the kids' sake) at the sad, puny, hairy little vegetable at the end of the shoot cracked us up and we considered this experiment a failure.

Somehow, the conditions were not appropriate for those little carrots to grow to their full potential. Not being a natural gardener (and coming from a long line of conspicuously poor ones), I really don't know why. Maybe they were spaced too closely together. Maybe the soil wasn't deep enough. Maybe they had too much rain. I have no idea.

I assume it shouldn't be so hard to grow things. After all, God created them, all we have to do is cultivate them and allow them ample opportunity to grow. We all want to bear fruit in our lives as well- those wonderful ideals in scripture such as patience and kindness, long-suffering and peace- and again, as in those carrots, those character traits are natural, God-created ones waiting for us to help cultivate in our own lives.

There's something else, though, that needs cultivation and care to thrive. Something that requires nurture and proper conditions to reach maturity.

When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Sin.

I think we often consider sin to be something that simply is there, or isn't. A failure to obey, a giving-in to temptation that is clear-cut and hopefully isolated, or perhaps a pattern of behavior that we repeat over and over. But James says that sin grows in us. In order for something to grow it requires the proper environment to thrive. And for certain sins, the ones that I fall often into, I am the right environment.

While I try to create in myself the perfect conditions for the fruit of the spirit, I also seek to minimize the popular growing opportunities for the sin that so quickly entangles me. In my life, those sins include pride, a critical spirit, lack of patience and self-control, and discontentment. When I sense a little bit of one of these sin patterns creeping into my life- scrawny and small, like the carrot we grew- I am sure to disrupt their environment and overturn the soil they are growing in, so they can't reach maturity. Perhaps I find a close sister in Christ who can keep me accountable, increase my time with the Lord, find extra opportunities to foster feelings of gratefulness, or practice purposeful acts of kindness.

Sin doesn't have to become full-grown. It is a choice we make each day.

So as I try to learn how to garden successfully, with inevitable failures along the way, I will use my attempts to remember that there are two kinds of things that can either flourish or wither in me as well. As I prepare the soil of the earth, I will also prepare the soil of my heart to cultivate good and not evil.

As you tend to your inner garden, I ask you: What grows well in you?



Christine can be found daily at her personal blog:

UNconditional Love

Please Welcome Guest Barista, Mary Hess, to the Cafe!

Lamentations 3:22-24 – The Message

“God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left.”

I'm tired - worn out actually. This has been a crazy week. You know the kind - busy from the time your feet hit the floor in the morning until you lay your head down late, late, late at night. You can't even rest well because your mind is still active while you sleep. So those crazy dreams come. Yeah - the mixed up ones that make no sense. You think "If only this week were finally over, I could calm down and rest."

Busy.

Have I opened my Bible this week to read? Nope.

Have I spent any quality time with God this week? Nope.

And my mind says, "Whoa Mary! You are not doing well on the 'Great Christian Scale' this week. God is probably not very happy with you right now. Don't even think about trying to get Him to show up and help you with that problem. You haven't shown up for Him."

But if there’s one thing I know is true it is this: God Loves Me! He LOVES me! And His love for me isn't conditional.

Now, don't get me wrong. I need to pray. I need to read my Word. Those things help me with my Christian walk. Should I do it every day? Well, I can't say that there is a strict rule for it anywhere. But I will tell you this: When I go a few days and don't communicate with my husband, it sure makes for some strained times. If I don't communicate, how will he (Shannon) know my thoughts, my feelings, my problems, etc? How can we grow in our relationship if there is no intimate, bonding time? So yes, it's extremely important. And we should want to spend time like that with God.

What I'm talking about though is getting the concept, grasping the reality, that God loves us as much today as He did yesterday and as He will 50 years from now. His love for us never changes.

And when we miss a day of intimate time, it’s wonderful to know that every day we get a new chance to start fresh. The Bible tells us that God's mercies are new EVERY morning and His faithfulness is great toward us. Isn't that just awesome?! Even when I'm at my lowest and sometimes honestly don't make the effort to 'do this thing' God still loves me and wants me to succeed.

So I challenge you this week to ask Him to help you understand His unconditional love for you. If, like me, you have a hard time believing it, just tell Him. I can assure you it won't take Him by surprise.

Father, so many times I find myself just wanting to ‘get it right’ instead of just being with You. Thank You for understanding me even when I can’t understand myself. I know You love me unconditionally. Please help me to believe it. Thank You for being so faithful to me. Help me to stir up the passion inside of me that will cause me to look for You every day. I want to be with You. Amen.

In Him,

Mary Hess

Mary can be reached at: www.maryhess.com or maryhess2003@gmail.com

Heart Based Discipline

I have a three year old daughter who is sometimes a challenge. She is bright, beautiful and sweet. She is also obstinate, strong-willed, too verbal for her own good, and prone to drama.

In regards to the latter, that also means that she is....um...er...just like me.

Over the past two years I have read every book on discipline I can get my hands on and spent many hours in prayer, trying to figure out what works with this child. I am delighted to announce that I seem to have (finally) found a method I feel good about: heart-based discipline.

Heart-based discipline focuses on changing the heart of the child as opposed to simply the behavior. Most of us were raised using classic behavior modification techniques, which in my case, meant as soon as no one was watching or as soon as I ran a favorable risk analysis, I frequently made the bad choice. But I want my children's hearts to be made more holy, not just their actions. I want their behavior choices to be based on biblical truths and a desire to please God, instead of a reward/punishment mentality or a desire to please mom and dad.

There are many books that tell you exactly how to implement this and several now sit on my nightstand. I still have much to learn, but I have applied some of the advice already. And here's the glory glory hallelujah - it's working. I have seen more changes in my daughter's behavior, and in her heart, in the past month than ever before.

So. Tonight. My husband is working late and I have been home all day with my four tired, cranky pre-schoolers. I am giving them a much needed bath. My oldest has been told four times to quit splashing. He splashes soap in the eyes of his two year old sister and she begins to cry. Do I:
a) look into his eyes calmly, discuss the sin of disobedience, quote some Colossians, lead him to repentance, and finish with a prayer, or do I
b) scream "I SAID STOP!!!!!" as loudly as I can?

If you chose letter B you get a sticker.

I apologize, he forgives me. I apologize again. He forgives me again, and tells me I hurt his ears. Ten seconds later my three year old clone is irritated by her sister and screams at her as loudly as her little voice can. Hmm, wonder where she learned that behavior. Sheepishly, I tell her not to yell.

Later, I ponder the Bathtub Incident. You see, this isn't the first time I have blown my top and yelled at my children. I've been trying to stop doing this for a while. I have been trying to modify my behavior, and I have made some improvement, no doubt. Until my husband works late and I am tired and I am hormonal and and and...

Suddenly That Voice whispers inside my head, Sounds like you need a little heart-based discipline.

Conviction, meet Hypocrite.
Oh, we've met before. Many times!

So here I go with a little Grownup Version of Heart Based Discipline.

Step one: Identify the sin.
Anger is not a sin. Yelling at a four year old is.
What is at the root of my sin?
-Pride.
-Dishonor.
-Impatience.
-Unkindness.
-Rudeness.
-Being easily angered.

What does the bible say regarding my actions?

1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Proverbs 29:11: A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

How could I have handled the situation better?

Proverbs 12:18: Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 16:21: Pleasant words promote instruction.

Repentance:

Psalm 51:10: Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Dear Lord, please forgive me for taking my frustration out on my precious children. Please change my heart so that my temper is kept in check and my words are kind.

And now, the best part, encouragement:

Hebrews 4:16: Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

• Are there any behaviors for which you seem to be on the "repent and repeat" track?
• Can you identify the specific sin behind the behavior? (Sometimes a mature friend in Christ can help you narrow it down.)
• Find some bible verses that apply to your sin (googling works great!)
• Repent and ask God's forgiveness, remembering that he will forgive and purify those who earnestly seek his grace (1 John 1:9)
  
• Apply the verses to your life, and pray them for yourself.
  
• Wait with me for the Lord to change our hearts and our lives!

Get Back Up!

Have you ever felt like a failure? Have you ever felt like you have "gone around the same mountain" a hundred times on a particular issue? Do you find that you "beat yourself up" about it, or do you extend grace to yourself? I think sometimes it easier for us to extend grace to our children, our best friends, or our coworkers than to ourselves. I am so disappointed with myself when I stumble and fall in my spiritual journey.

Praying one morning, God used an example of Abigail to illustrate a point He was making with me about all of this.

You see, our Abigail is just learning to walk. She is so cute as she is testing the waters.

She gets up and takes a few steps.

Oops! She falls down.......

But, she gets back up again.

God asked me, "Tracy, do you get mad at Abigail when she falls? Do you think she is a failure? Do you scold her, telling her she should know better, do better, BE better?"

Of course not! When she falls, I encourage her to get back up. I am not angry or upset with her, but understand that as she grows and learns and "masters" walking, she will make mistakes, she will "mess up" and she will stumble and fall. I smile at her, clap my hands to tell her what a good job she is doing. I scoop her up in my arms, hugging and snuggling her!

And, so it is with our spiritual walk. We will make mistakes. We will stumble and fall. But, our Abba Father, our Daddy, isn't sitting behind us with arms crossed, furrowed brow, scolding us. No, "there is now NO condemnation in Christ Jesus". Our Abba Father wants to encourage us, to help us up. He is smiling at us, clapping His hands to tell us we are doing a good job, scooping us up in His arms, hugging and snuggling us.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus....For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, "Abba, Father." -Romans 8:1, 15

Father God, thank You for Your grace and Your mercy. Thank You that You are my Abba Father, watching over me, encouraging me, and cheering me on! Help me to extend grace to myself, not focusing on my failures, but on how You are growing and maturing me. Glory to You, God! In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen.

Questions to Reflect Upon

1. Are there areas in your life where you need to extend yourself grace and forgiveness?
2. How do you extend grace to family and friends, and why do you think it is difficult to treat ourselves in the same way?

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