I Would Have Made a Good Pharisee

For some reason, my favorite Bible characters have been on my mind as of late. They include Josiah and Peter and Esther to name just a few. I've found myself perusing the stories of these characters and those like them. As I've been doing that, I've felt this question tingle at the edges of my mind. I've kind of wanted to keep it at the edges, but as it sometimes happens, God wanted me to look at it. What is the question you ask?



Great characters of the faith fill the pages of the Bible, which one are you most like?


Sigh. I'm not brave like Esther. I don't know that my heart is as sensitive to God's Word as Josiah's. Peter jumped into the water and swam to shore even after he had failed Jesus. I would have cowered in the boat.


Yes, but who are you most like?


It took awhile, but my answer came with humbling conviction. The Pharisees. Sigh. I don't want to be like them.


In Jesus' day there were several prominent groups. One was the Sadducees. (I differentiated them from the other groups by their name and belief. They didn't believe in heaven so that made them "Sad you see." I came up with that in high school, so cut me some slack.) Then there were the Pharisees. (They wanted everything "Fair you see.") They were the rule keepers.


Honestly, I think that initially the Pharisees started out okay. They didn't want to break any of God's commandments. They were very careful about it. They decided to define all the possible ways of breaking a commandment. But, then they added to the law. In essence, they put up a zillion fences, things to do and not do, so that you wouldn't come close to breaking the law.


The problem... In the frenzy of building those fences, they lost sight of God and his people.



I like rules more than I want to admit. I'd rather be carefree and easy going. They make me feel safe. They help me know what to expect and what not to expect. They give me boundaries at times when life feels out of control.


But just like the Pharisees, I lose sight of God. Yes, I may have my quiet time. I may be able to check any number of spiritual things off the list. But if my quiet time was just about the list, did I really meet with God?


Just like the Pharisees, I lose sight of God's people. Sometimes in relationships I am more concerned about being right or more concerned about what is fair than I am about the person. Take, for instance, my job at BN. I do enjoy it. I work hard. However, my dandruff gets up if I think I'm doing more work than so and so. I want it all to be fair. Sometimes I get so focused on a task, I lose sight of the people around me.


But there is hope. Saul was a Pharisee. He went so far as to call himself a Pharisee of Pharisees! He even held the others' cloaks as they stoned Stephen, a leader in the early church. He sincerely believed it was the right thing. He was very good at following rules. He expected everyone else to follow them too. Until one day, he was walking a long and Jesus appeared to him. He was blinded for several days. Then Jesus sent someone to heal Saul's eyes. From then on, Saul became Paul and became a leader in the early church. Talk about a 180!


Was Paul still a rule guy? I think that he probably was. However, he was also someone who had completely experienced grace. This allowed him to give grace to others even when they didn't follow the rules.


Today, I was talking about a situation with someone who knows my tendency to gravitate to rules, to put my expectations on people. She said, "Watch your rules." She was right to say it, but it brought tears to my eyes. As much as rules make me feel safe, I would rather be safe in God's love and be able to love people.


Yes, I would have made a good Pharisee. But as God shows us through Paul, God is more than capable to knock down some fences to bring hope to a heart.


What about you?

Would you have made a good Pharisee?

Does following the rules ever get in your way of loving God or His people?


Watch your rules . . . .

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Fair Isn't Always Equal

Fair. Put one piece of cake on the table in between 2 kids and you'll get an immediate lesson in fair. (For those of you with kids, I've heard the way of making sure things are fair in this situation is to let one child cut the piece of cake and the other get first dibs on which half they want!) Kids are keenly aware of fair. But then, most adults I know are pretty aware too!

I came across this book last night. It had the title that went something like "Fair Isn't Always Equal." Maybe it stood out to me because "fair" was on my mind. Like most people, I like things to be fair. If they aren't fair, I prefer to be in the one up position. Honestly, (like most people, I think) I probably don't even think about fair unless I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

When I was on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, our Regional staff meetings one year were on Racial Reconciliation. They had a variety of activities they put us through and then debriefed. One was a race with candy as the reward. We started out in one line. Then the facilitator said something like, "If you were raised in a two parent home, take one step forward. If you had a library card growing up, take a step forward. If you had a computer at all in your home, take a step forward." After several of those, we also heard, "If you spent time in a foster home, take a step back. If you have ever been refused service somewhere, take a step back." You get the picture.

While we all believed in equality, the game showed us an enormous amount of situations where things weren't fair. In the end, a couple staff were way out ahead and none of the rest of us had a chance. One staff member was actually behind the line where we had all begun. Most had the sensitivity to be embarrassed at being so far ahead. It was humbling.

I don't know anything about that book, so I cannot recommend it. But I do think it is true. Fair isn't always equal.

As I've thought about it, I've also come to realize that God is more concerned about my character than about fair. I don't know where that thought came from. Maybe God whispered it in my ear or tugged it out of some recess of my mind from long ago. Wherever it came from, I think it is an amazing thought and it sets my priorities on end. I am so much more likely to think about fair before my character.

How do I know God is more concerned about character than fair? Look at the cross. The cross is stands in stark contrast to fair. There was nothing fair about Jesus death on the cross. If Jesus was concerned about fair, I would have been nailed to the cross for my sins instead of Jesus.

There is no mercy in fair. There is no grace in fair. Rather, fair is about what is deserved or earned. Mercy is about not getting what we deserve. Grace is mercy's kindred spirit but takes it one step further and offers what we do not deserve and can never earn.

Fair is rigid. Mercy and grace are fluid and in God's love, they wrap themselves around His children.

Fair has it's merits. Merit is it's cornerstone. But stone is cold. I'll choose mercy and grace.

The challenge now learning let go of fair in relation to those around me. Sometimes I get too caught up in keeping score. Someone was late. Someone hurt me in some way. Someone didn't include me. I keep score so that it is all fair, but I forget mercy and grace.

God, help me offer mercy and grace to those around me.

While I'm praying that, it's scary. Choosing those things are hard. God used that book title to remind me. Even last night, I found the words, "That's not fair" coming quickly to mind. Mercy and grace. Mercy and grace. Pray that I remember those words before fair even creeps in.

Do you get caught up in fair?

How would your life be different if each interaction was seasoned with mercy and grace?

Thank God that He cares more about my character, about me, than He does about honoring my sense of fair.

God's Work In Progress,

I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Contentment -- Priceless

I know you've seen them -- those commercials for Visa.

• New shoes -- $20
• New dress -- $75
• New hairstyle with highlights -- $100
• Memories to last a lifetime -- Priceless.

Visa has our number. If $200 can promise something that is priceless, and will last a lifetime, of course we are going to buy.



When I was in college, I attended InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's School of Leadership Training. One of the sessions was actually on advertising and all the subtle meanings that are played out before our eyes and that we buy hook, line, and singer. Some of them were dated but some of you might remember them. The question that was raised was, "It looks like they are selling coffee, but what are they really selling?"

• Early morning sunrise. A farm. A colt. A coffee pot -- Folgers, good to the last drop. (Selling peace and an idyllic life that no one I know lives.)
• Cute kid singing, "I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener, 'cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner, everyone would be in love with me." (Selling the idea that everyone should love us.)
• Light bulbs, computers, a vast array of progress -- GE, we bring good things to life. (Selling that all these things are at the heart of what is good in life.)
• And then the Marlboro Man and the ultra thin model and the red corvette selling ideas of how we need to look and act and the car we need to own to really be someone.
  

Really, what advertisers prey on is instilling in us at a young age (think Saturday morning cartoons) is sense of discontent. Our society trains us to think that I want is synonymous with I need.

The truth is that I want a lot of things.

I need just a few -- food, shelter, safety, etc. So much of what we have is a luxury that once we become accustomed to it, we think it falls into the need category instead of a want and lucky to have had kind of thing.


So, I've been thinking about this the last few days. I've found myself trying to think of ways to pare down my monthly expenses. I don't like feeling strapped. (I don't suppose anyone does.) How interesting to face the reality that much of my life is made up of indulgences, luxuries that I now think I need. I find myself resistant to cutting them and looking at others and saying, "But they have X, Y, Z so I should have it too!" Not true.

But envy breeds discontentment.

So, I have to catch myself. What do I need? What if my wants lined up with my needs and not with what society says? What if my heart was fixed on God so that He was all I wanted? What if my heart was set like David's in Psalm 27:4?

One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

That would be true contentment. That would be priceless. Sorry Visa, a credit card isn't buying that now or ever. It's a free gift to those who set the eyes of their hearts on the Lord. Though, sometimes it takes effort to focus on that.

God, show me the pricelessness of contentment in You.

God's Work In Progress,

I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

What Taste Do You Leave Behind?

I have never been a fan of cherry -- even cherry lifesavers. Honestly, I think it comes down to the fact that so many childhood medicines were suppose to be flavored like wild cherry lifesavers. I never met one that truly lived up to this claim. Instead, after a hint of cherry it seemed that they all left some nasty, burning taste behind. Maybe it is just that from that point on, I just haven't trusted cherry.



A few months ago I fell victim to the Facebook phenomena.

Everyone was talking about it. I decided that I had to give in and see what it was all about. One of the things to come out of it was a number of friend requests. Surprisingly, these have included people that I never knew thought of me as a friend. And I don't think they thought of me as a friend in high school.

That took me by surprise as well as my initial thought about a few of them. My senior year in high school, a group of people played a fairly mean prank on a classmate with repercussions that reverberated through the 1,200 plus student body. It was not a little matter and it could not be undone. This prank was the first thing I thought of when I got the friend requests. Knowing about that prank, left a bad taste in my mouth and made me wary even after all those years.

Still, that was 20+ years ago. I'm sure these folks have changed. I know I've changed since high school.

Sometimes we just don't know the impact our actions have on how others perceive us. As Christians, it can also have an impact on how others perceive Christ.

I work part time at Barnes and Noble. I enjoy it, but I am sad to say that my fellow booksellers often want to steer clear of customers shopping the Christian section. Sadly, too many of these customers have come across rude and demanding, a poor reflection on Jesus. I wonder if these customers realize that people are judging Christ based on the actions of His followers. I doubt they realize the impact of those cross words in a five minute discussion.

Paul writes this (NIV) in Philippians 2:12-18:

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

Just like those customers, I know there are times when I hinder the gospel even among those who are already Christians. A harsh word or angry glance make me seem unapproachable. They make me seem petty and mean even among believers.

Praise God that I am not who I was yesterday, that I -- like those kids from high school -- are in the process of becoming. If I was left with who I am today, I would have to give up all hope. God sees who I can become and faithfully calls me to it.

Still, I must be careful -- where possible -- to remember that the taste I leave behind is what people will remember and what will reflect on God.

What taste do you leave behind?

God's Work In Progress,

I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Letting Who I Know, Overwhelm My Circumstances

I would not consider myself squeamish. I don't even know that I have any particular phobias. I can be cautious at times, but I don't get freaked out by spiders or heights or anything like that. In fact, for a number of years I took horseback riding lessons. A series of events and temperament ended up with me taking lessons on one of the biggest horses in the stable. While I was more hesitant at jumps after a fall, I always go back on and set my sites on higher jumps. So, height was not the issue one day at camp.

I stood on the tall block willing myself to relax. I told myself, "Close your eyes. Just lean back. They will catch you." But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I unceremoniously hopped down from the platform assuring the leadership team I was working with, "It's not you. It's me." Even after participating in 7 trust falls as one of the catchers when we had not dropped one person, I could not will myself to fall backwards and be caught.

Trust. I like to believe I'm trustworthy. I often come through in pinch. I go to great lengths to fulfill my promises. but being trustworthy and being trusting are two vastly different thing. The heart of the matter is control. If I'm being trustworthy, I'm in control. If I'm being trusting, I let someone else drive.

My lack of trust means that I am always waiting for a person to let me down, always wary that something good isn't going to last. Unfortunately, this lack of trust is also evident in my relationships with God. I can watch God come through -- like when we caught the rest of my leadership team -- with other people, but there is a wariness in trusting Him in situations where I most need to let him drive. I say, "Let me drive another 15 minutes and then you can.

I don't think I am far from the Israelites in this respect. They saw God move in miraculous ways. He brought Moses to lead them and rained down plagues on the Egyptians while keeping the Israelites safe. They came to the Red Sea with Pharaoh's armies behind them and cry out that it would have been better to stay in Egypt than to die in the desert. God rescues them and they grumble about food. God provides bread called Manna and quail. On and on the stories go: the Israelites crying out, sure that God has led them to their death through Moses and God providing. At some point wouldn't you think that they would see the pattern?

At some point wouldn't you think I would see the pattern in my life?

I have not had bread from heaven, but I have never been forced to miss a meal. I have not wandered the desert, but there have been deserts in my life where God has provided a drink.



Too often, my circumstances overwhelm all that I know about God. Too often when God doesn't answer the way I expect, I wonder if God is there at all. So, I'm making a list of what I know about God:

• He is my defender (Pslam 68:5)
• He is my deliverer (2 Samuel 22:2)
• He is my refuge (Psalm 18:2)
• He is my help (Psalm 40:17)
• He is my friend who laid down His life for me (John 15:13)

What can you add? Will you leave a comment with a verse reference?



Now here is where the rubber meets the road. What if we let who we know overwhelm our circumstances?

I was nervous when I started learning to ride. I was really nervous when I started jumping. I was really scared after the time I lost my balance and landed on my head (seriously). But I knew Eddie, the horse I rode. I knew he had jumped higher thousands of times. I knew that he needed me to put on the gas and steer, but I also knew that ultimately, he knew how to get over that jump better than I could imagine. Getting over the jump after a bad fall was about letting what I knew of Eddie take the place of my fear.

If God is my defender, my deliverer, my refuge, my help, my friend and so much more, I need never be afraid. When I look at my circumstances, I fear. When I let who I know overwhelm my circumstances, I fly.

I may still worry about money or friends or illness, but I can let it go on a deeper level when I focus on who I know rather than what is going on around me.


Will you let God overwhelm your circumstances?

God's Work In Progress,

I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Even in the Dark

At some point in my elementary school days, my parents carpeted the basement and it became a depository of toys. Like most kids, the toys were fun, but some of the best times to be had just required an imagination. There were a couple window wells, but really, the basement was fairly dark. We discovered that playing Hide-N-Seek in the dark was better than regular Hide-N-Seek. If the cousins were visiting, this was a great pass time.

But at other times, I found darkness to be scary. One set of cousins lived in front of a cemetery. It wasn't particularly scary during the day, but it was creepy at night. It was rare for anyone to be able to entice me out of the house for a real life game of Ghost in the Graveyard.

Part of it, perhaps, was that at home I knew right where the light switch was. There were no light switches in the cemetery and flashlights didn't provide enough light. Things in the dark can look very different from things in the day. Just ask any three year old who sees a shadow move in their room. They are not scared of the shadow during the day, but . . . .

Even as adults, we have periods of darkness. Often times these are emotional or situational. I know a good many people in Illinois right now feel the darkness in threatened job loss and state budget cuts and any number of things. For me at the moment it is relational. I feel like I cannot move without bumping into something and knocking something over.

And at times, it is hard to remember that there is light. At times, it is hard not to let fear over take us.

Here is the truth. God is light. The pslamist writes in Psalm 27:1:

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid?

When I was a child, I was disappointed to discover that the moon was just a giant rock that didn't even have it's own light. It seemed so large in the dark sky that there had to be more to it than that. It dawned on me tonight that there really might be more to it than that. The moon reflects the sun's light. Perhaps God placed it there in it's reflective capacity to remind us that even in the dark of night the sun is still shining.


I am never without a light switch. I need only to go to God in prayer.

God's Work In Progress,

I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Great Cloud of Witnesses

This spring I developed a condition that someone I know recently called "adult onset athlete." I had to chuckle when she said it. It fit perfectly. You see, I've never been athletic. But the end of February I got it in my head that I was going to learn to run. Me, who hates to sweat and could never run very far without getting a stitch in my side. Me, who always came in last in elementary school races.

The local running club has a beginning running group called "Catch the Wave." For 10 weeks you meet once a week for an informational meeting and then a run. I heard about it a bit late. By the time I joined, people were running 6 minutes and walking 2 and then repeating the pattern. While I couldn't manage that, I made myself keep going.

The class culminated with the Lake Run. It's a 4.37 mile race. Having joined late and not being in the greatest shape, I was quickly left behind by the pack. But I kept going, sometimes running and sometimes walking. If you've never run 4.37 miles, it is longer than it sounds! At one point, a person on a bike whizzed by. I joked that he needed a wagon so he could give me a ride.

Races are interesting things. There were lots of people watching at the beginning. But as we headed into the loop, we only came across a few small groups of people.

While I wasn't at the very end, by the time I was going into the last half mile, I was discouraged. I was too slow to keep up with the fast people but a bit quicker than the handful of people behind me. So, I had done most of the race alone. My thoughts went something like this: "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't run." And my pace got slower.

About that time, I turned a corner and a crowd began to emerge. People were watching. I had been in a walking stint and then began to run again. As I ran up the hill, Marge (one of the Catch the Wave leaders) ran down to meet me. "You can do it! Just a bit farther." She ran beside me and then, with a sudden burst of energy, I sprinted to the finish line.

It has had me reflecting on the importance of that crowd. It was so much easier to stay motivated when people were there. As the author of Hebrews writes,

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great crowd of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1 NIV)

We are all in a race. And that race is well over 4.37 miles. Like me in the places where the crowds were sparse, it is easy to get discouraged and want to walk or even just plain stop. It's at these times that we need to realize that all those who came before us are watching and cheering. We need to focus on the finish and not on the difficulties in getting there.

We all so need to look at those around us. Will we be like Marge and run with those who are struggling? Will we say, "Just a little farther. You are doing great!" Those words of encouragement can be the difference between someone continuing to move forward and someone dropping from the race.

What is the race like for you right now?

Are you continuing to run or have you dropped out?

Who can you encourage to continue to run in the Christian life?

I have continued to run. It's harder at times not having the Catch the Wave group, so I've joined the Lake Run Club. Every Thursday they meet back out at the Lake to run the 4.37 miles. Two weeks ago, I got discouraged again at the fact that I had been so promptly left behind. People who started after me were passing me. I turned around to go back. A group on the way out asked if I had finished. I said that I was calling it in for the day. They encouraged me to get back on the path and someone opted to run my pace. So, I finished the 4.37 miles and came back again this past week. Never underestimate the encouragement you can give another.

God's Work In Progress,

I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Not the Why... But the Who

Katy, my older cat, loves to sleep next to me. I lie on my side and hold the blanket up and she curls up next to my tummy as I let the blankets gently cover her. Often, I can't hear her purr, but as I rub her belly I can feel the vibrations, the contentment. It's a soothing ritual the two of us have developed.


Often times I have difficulty finding that kind of contentment. I think it is because I am driven to know the why of things. I like to know why it works and why you don't do it this other way. I like to know why things need to be this way rather than that way. I don't know that I actually pestered my parents so much with the questions. (I would have gotten immediate consequences if I had not had immediate obedience.) But, to the extent I was able, there was a quest for "Why?"

Even today, "why" still comes into play. Please don't tell me to do something without explaining the reason behind it. In my mind, comprehension is everything.

I don't think I'm that far off from a lot of people. I may do it more than most in day to day interactions, but when the really big things happen, we all find ourselves asking "Why?"

November 2006 I started dating Bill. After the first date, we pretty much saw each other every day. We hit a rough patch the end of March, but I anticipated getting back together. I didn't think it was a forever break. I thought we both needed to get our bearings. After all, we had been moving pretty fast over the last several months -- to the point that we had spoken of marriage. Bill had vowed, "I'd marry you tomorrow if you'd let me."

The middle of April Bill suffered an aortic aneurysm. His gentle heart split open. They managed to do surgery and he lingered a few days, but he never truly came around. I got to talk to him and pray with him in a one-sided kind of way, but we never had the final conversation that I longed for.

When it first happened I went to a grief support group for a time. Eventually, I needed it less and less. Sometimes I go back to reorient myself. The two year anniversary just passed.

Anniversaries can be tricky to navigate.

One time when I went, lots of people in the room had much more recent losses than mine -- November, December, January. And several expressed "why" questions. "Why so quickly?" "Why with all the medical advances?" "Why wasn't I there at the very end? I only left for a moment."

A number of years ago, I coauthored a book called Faith on the Edge with five other InterVarsity Christian Fellowship staff. One of the chapters that Robbie Castleman dealt with tragedy. She shared the following perspective:

God may not have intervened, may not have stepped in to undo what broke our hearts . . . . We may not understand why God intervened for Peter and not for James. Why some and not all? Why then and not now? All that disciples know is a point in history that gives us hope in tragedy, a point of divine intervention that spans all time: God raised Jesus from the dead.

"Why" questions have their merits, but the better question is "Who?"

• Who walked this earth and is intimately acquainted with our grief? (Isaiah 53:3)
• Who wept when His friend died? (John 11:35)
• Who comforts those who walk through the valley of the shadow of death? (Psalm 23)
• Who prepares a table before us in the presence of our enemies? (Psalm 23)
• Who has compassion on the heavy laden? (Matthew 11:28)
• Who rejoices over us with singing? (Zephaniah 3:17)

Knowing the "why" pales in comparison of knowing the WHO in the midst of any tragedy. Jesus has welcomed our loved ones home and stands with arms open wide to comfort us in our grief. He cheers us on when we face circumstances that make us feel as if we cannot go on. He has run the race before us. As we wrestle with all the "why" in life, He invites us to do so in His intimate presence. Just as Katy snuggles in close to me, we can snuggle into Jesus.

What can you do today to focus on who rather than why? How will that change your perspective?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Let Peace Begin With Me

Memory is a strange thing. I can forget what I had for lunch two days ago but other strange bits of information from my childhood lodge in my brain just waiting for an event or for something someone says to dislodge them. For example, there is the Purple Cow poem I had to memorize when I was in the second grade. (I won't bore you with that rendition here.) More to the point, events over the last few months have dislodged the chorus to a song I learned for a recital in the sixth grade: Let There Be Peace on Earth.

I looked it up on line and found the entire song by Jill Jackson and Sy Miller in 1955:

Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on Earth,
the peace that was meant to be.

With God as our Father,
brothers all are we,
Let me walk with my brother,
in perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me,
let this be the moment now.
With every step I take,
let this be my solemn vow.

To take each moment and live each moment
in peace, eternally.
Let there be Peace on Earth,
and let it begin with me.

Think about the children you know. On the playground or in your home, do any of the children you know want to be the first to say "I'm sorry"? Often by the time an adult walks in to mediate, not only is the object of the fight at stake, but so is a good deal of pride. Why should I have to say "I'm sorry" first when she started it?

I am generally a fairly easy going person. But if something strikes me as wrong, unfair, or unjust a wall rises up in me. I may not get loud, but I do get intense. Over the last few months, some people have encouraged me to go back and make amends for some things. I'll admit, that has been a really hard thing to do. Partly, it is because I don't see some of the situations as entirely my fault. I've struggled with the same question as above. Why should I say "I'm sorry " first when he or she started it?

But scripture is clear in Romans 12:18 (NIV).

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Live at peace with everyone. In out tumultuous times, it seems like an impossibility on a global or national scale. But what about on an interpersonal scale. Did you catch it? Romans 12:18 doesn't promise there will be complete peace in our time. It says as far as it depend on you. No, I cannot make the wars in Afghanistan or Iraq go away, but I can clean up my personal life.

As I've worked on making amends here is what I've learned:

• Throw fair out the window. If I worry about everything being fair I get all tied up.
• I need to own my stuff. I can apologize for my part in the dispute.
• Be humble enough to say "I'm sorry" first.
• Do not worry about how the other person will respond.
  

The last one has been hard this past week. I made the appointment, did my apology, and we talked a bit. Overall, it was probably a pretty good meeting. But the thing that has wiggled in my brain is, "I said, 'I'm sorry' but he never did. He validated some feelings, but there was no 'I'm sorry.'" Honestly, that has rubbed me the wrong way.

But that is where I need to give the situation to God. I'm sure He smiled at my efforts, but if I am to move past the situation, I need to truly leave it with Him and not worry that I didn't hear those words. Ultimately the apology was about me make thing right on my end and leaving the other end to God.

So as far as I am able, I need to let peace begin with me.

When do you find it hard to say "I'm sorry"?

Do you let your children hear you apologize?

How would your life change if owned your stuff and apologize without the expectation of the other person doing the same?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

God's Work In Progress

I dread the signs that tell me road work is in progress. Yes, it is for my own good and those working that I slow down and take a look at what is going on. However, it usually slows me from getting to my intended destination

The last month or so, I've been pondering these road signs in my Christian life. There have probably been signs before this but none that got my attention the way the last few have. Perhaps, if I had been as sensitive to those spiritual road signs as I am cautious about physical road work signs I wouldn't be in the spot I'm in right now.

Recently, I met with one of the leaders at church and we talked about my helping him with some things. We had talked about it several months ago but decided to wait until last month and pray about it and such. I think we were both excited about the help I might give him. We met and I carried out my first little assignment and then we were scheduled to meet again. This meeting did not go at all as I had thought it would. There had been some discussion on the leadership council and they nixed the idea of me being his assistant at this time. There are some areas they want me to look at in my life.

I was crushed, hurt, humiliated.

Feeling as if I had been bitten, I bit back. "What about so and so? Why is he allowed such a public leadership role when it is the same issue and I cannot make copies for you? Why the double standard? And what about ___________?" I had a list ready in an instant.

But they weren't the issue at hand.

I was.

I've hated every minute of it. But slowly I am coming to the conclusion that it doesn't matter (even if it doesn't seem fair to me) what the standard is. God is asking me to look at an area or two. Ephesians 4:12-24 puts it this way:

Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

This reminds me of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader from the Chronicles of Narnia. In it we are introduced to Eustace. He is a cousin of the children. When Edmund and Lucy get pulled back into Narnia, Eustace gets pulled in as well. You quickly discover that he is an absolutely beastly boy -- mean, arrogant, selfish. At one point, an enchantment turns him into a dragon.

To become "disenchanted" Aslan tells him to go into a pond. But before he can go in, Aslan tells him that he must undress. Eustace correctly determines that he must shed his skin. He does this, but as soon as he does, another dragon skin appears. Aslan says that he, Aslan, must help him. Though it is very painful Eustace lets Alsan sink his claws in and peel off every inch of the dragon skin. It is so like the help we need from Jesus to shed our old selves and be made new!

At the end of the chapter, Lewis writes the following:

It would be nice and fairly true, to say that from that time forth Eustace was a different boy. To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun.

These great words can apply to our lives as Christians. We are beginning to be different as God strips us clean. But like Eustace, we may have relapses and days when we are tiresome. But God knows that is not that end of the story. Hopefully those around us give grace because they know the cure has begun and we are in the process of becoming.

But I am a work in progress and must own up to my short falls.

How thankful I am that I am God's work in progress! He will not abandon me half way done.

What areas is God calling you to make progress in?

In what areas do you need to give grace to others because they are under construction?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Code Adam

"Attention all booksellers. We have a Code Adam. Will please proceed to the door." If the words hadn't caught my attention, the urgency in her voice would have grabbed it.

Announcements over the speaker are pretty common. Typically, they are things like "Bookseller to the cafe at your convenience" or "Assistance to customer service."

Code Adam was not the usual message.

Named for Adam Walsh who disappeared many years ago, "Code Adam" meant that we had a missing child hopefully still in the store. We were to go to customer service to get the description. Will would keep people from exiting.

There was a great sigh of relief when seconds later, before most of us could make it to customer service, Code Adam was canceled. The missing child had been found.

I hate seeing these kinds of fliers on telephone poles and bulletin boards. They too often mean that a much loved pet is missing. Canvasing the neighborhood with fliers is often the only way to get the word out.

The last few days I've been reflecting on the Adam and Eve's pre-fall days in the Garden of Eden. But my thoughts have also been mixed with all things lost: pets, keys, a book. And as I've thought about it, the moment Adam and Eve chose to eat the fruit of the tree, they became lost.

I have no doubt in my mind that a heavenly "Code Adam" was called for these first lost children. All of heaven probably held their breath to see what God would do. Adam and Even hide in the garden. And God confronts their sin/their sense of being lost or separated from God. The Bible is clear that sin makes God angry and there are definite consequences for their sin. God's anger is not what strikes me but rather a deep sense of sadness. As Adam and Eve hide, God walks into the garden and this is what follows in Genesis 3:8-10 (NIV):

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord as he was walking in the cool of the day and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?

He answered, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

The rest of the verses has God drawing out through careful questions the story of what the serpent had said and the choices Adam and Eve had made. Yes, there are consequences and it says that God drove the man out of the garden.

But at that moment, I believe God grieved for his lost children. Throughout the Old Testament God is calling to his people to come back. He is actively seeking them to bring them home again, preparing the way for Jesus.

The original "Code Adam" was for two wayward children -- Adam and Eve. I wouldn't be surprised to discover that God had Adam and Eve's picture plastered through heaven and labeled "Lost." Every person born after that was labeled lost as well. All God longs to do is spray paint "FOUND" over each one.

It's nearing Christmas, but the heart of Christmas is not that baby. Rather, it was Jesus knowing fully that every beat of his human heart would take him closer to the cross and He did not turn away because you and I were lost.

Who do you know that has a heavenly lost poster plastered through heaven?

In what way can you share with them what it is like to be found?

If you feel you are one of the lost ones, won't you contact me or someone else from the Internet Cafe so we can share with you the joy of being found in and by God?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Expectations

We are already beginning to get a bit of Christmas traffic at the book store. We have our Thanksgiving display out and are quite ready to put out the Christmas stuff. We've had calenders for 2009 for several months.

All this getting ready for Christmas reminded me of a conversation I overheard last year between two men. The first announced happily that he had received a $300 bonus from his company. The second man was less enthusiastic. He said, "Well, you want to know what I got? A $25 gift card. Enjoy yours . . . ." Actually, he pretty much slammed whomever gave him that gift card.

There is a big discrepancy in the amount of money received. I will grant that. However, I wonder about the circumstances around the gifts. Does one work for a small company and another a large one? Were the gifts from the company or the individual bosses? What were the thoughts behind the gifts?

I was actually a little taken aback. There was so little gratitude for the gift given to the second man. Clearly he expected more or thought he deserved more.

I like to give gifts but I hope the price tag attached isn't what the people see. I hope they see the heart behind it. I hope I receive gifts being grateful for what has been given rather than looking at what I would rather have had or comparing it to what someone else received.

As we begin to wind ourselves into the holiday season, I thought it would be good to reflect on the three Wise Men (also known as Magi or Kings) that followed a star from far off lands to see the King of the Jews.

In Matthew, they initially stop at King Herod's palace to ask where they can find this new king. It seems realistic that since the star was announcing the the birth of a king that they would find him in a palace. Herod doesn't know of this new king but is suspicious and asks them to find him and return and tell him where to find the new king. But God warns them of returning to Herod.

Tradition often indicates that the Magi show up the night of Jesus birth. But in Matthew, it indicates that they found Jesus in a house rather than a manager.

On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense of myrrh. -- Matthew 2:11

Either way, manger or house, it was probably an infinitely more humble dwelling than they might have expected for a king! They seemed to initially think that they would find him at the palace.

My take on this is that they didn't find what they expected. They could have turned away, convinced themselves that this was somehow a mistake -- this isn't where you find kings. However, this did not deter them from worshiping Jesus. They were willing to have their expectations adjusted. As a result, they didn't miss out on a unique opportunity.

Which are you like? The Magi or the second man in the story above. When things don't look as you had hoped or anticipated do you reject what is offered or take it gratefully?

I would like to be like the Magi, but I think that I am often like the second man.

Maybe not so much with gifts but more with my circumstances. Things look nothing like I dreamt of as a child or even what I dreamt of a year ago. I need to be reminded that my hope is in a living God who know what is best for me. He gives good gifts to his children -- even when I don't always understand them.

My prayer is that I would be able to fix my eyes on that hope and the good things He has given.

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Warning Signs

About a year and a half ago, my carbon monoxide detector began going off. I climbed on a chair and tried to get it to shut off, but I couldn't find a battery. I called a friend's husband. He came over and showed me how to reset it. It turned out that it was hardwired into the house. There was no battery I could simply pull out.

Every day that detector went off. and every day I climbed on the chair and hit the reset button. I was telling someone how annoying the sound was, and she was incredulous that I hadn't gotten it checked out. I was in the midst of depression. Honestly, I didn't care much if CO was a problem. Life would be so much simpler. This wasn't what she wanted to hear. She made me promise to get it looked at the next day.

I found it impossible to find a non-emergency local fire department. They were the only people I could think of to call. So, I had to call and clearly state up front that it was not an emergency and that I was okay. But they were concerned enough to send someone out.

Well, I expected someone.

FIVE guys showed up to "clear" my house! The CO detector was pronounced defective but I had to get it fixed that day. CO is pretty serious business.

Have you ever tried to ignore the warning signs in your life?

I have. Particularly with depression. I know what it does and how it makes me feel. I often know the precursors, but often times my denial is larger than my sense of self preservation. Sometimes I ignore the tone in someone's voice and state my opinion too loudly or harshly and provoke a fight. I ignore the hardness in my heart when I turn away from the homeless man.

Jesus said that it is not what goes into a man that makes him unclean but what comes out of him makes him unclean. What comes out of him is a sign of a diseased or healthy heart.

The Bible is full of stories of people who failed to heed God's warnings:

• Lot's wife turning back towards Sodom and turning into a pillar of salt.
• The Israelites who grumbled again and again against God and his people.
• Over and over in the Old Testament, the Israelites are told to "remember," but by the time King Josiah came around, they had lost the book of the law and hadn't had a Passover celebration in ages.
• There is the rich young ruler in the New Testament. He wants salvation on his timing. He is proud of what he has done and asks a good question, "What else must I do?" Jesus looks at him and loves him and then says tells him to give his wealth to the poor and come and follow Him. And the rich young ruler, more concerned with this life than heaven, turned and walked away.

You get my point.

The Bible is full of stories where warnings go unheeded.

So, what warning signs are you ignoring?
Bible study slipping?
Resenting your family?
Allowing unforgiveness?

For me at the moment, the signs are wrapped up in the fact that I am turning 40 in December. Happily, I still get asked if I just graduated from college! But I can feel the resentment building. I want a husband and kids and the white picket fence. I know it isn't a perfect life, but going to bed alone and getting up alone and eating most meals alone is not pleasant.

The warning sign is that I am focusing on all that I WANT rather than what I HAVE and what God has done in my life. The "I'm feeling sorry for myself detector" is going off, now I need to choose how to replace it.

I haven't decided yet, but I am considering doing "40 to 40" on my personal site. For the 40 days before my birthday I am thinking of committing to write one thing I am thankful for, some way God has blessed me, and pleasant memories. I'm still mulling it over. But I think it might replace that detector!

So what warning signs are you not heeding?

What can you do today to begin to correct that?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Esther's Choice

My sister and I were about fifteen the summer we drove to a North Carolina beach with my mom, younger sister, aunt, and cousin. We passed the mornings at the beach, returning about 1:00 to the rented condo for lunch, and cycling back to the beach in the late afternoon.

One late afternoon when we returned we found that the tide had come in and filled in a lower almost gully type area. Thinking that it would be shallow, we started to wade through. It quickly came up to our waists and everyone decided to walk to the far end and cross on the sand. I remember watching a man wind surf in this gully. (Will some beach savvy person tell me what the correct term for something so deep is? Tide pool doesn't seem to cut it!)

After a couple hours we started to make our way back to the path. One of my sisters and I stopped at the shallow end of this strange gully to rinse the floats one last time. Two very small children scampered by and into the water. My thought was, "Tell them how deep it gets." I dismissed it thinking that their parents would be keeping an eye on them. The thought came more insistent, "Warn them." But it wasn't my responsibility, so I kept quiet.

I dunked the raft one last time and moved to follow my family. And as clear as a bell, I heard, "AMY!!!" from behind me. I turned in confusion because no one I knew was back there. In that instant, I saw the little girl bobbing and gasping and her brother going and staying under. We could barely touch the shifty, sandy bottom but we managed to pull them out.

The little girl was gasping and crying and the boy spewed saltwater onto the sand. He looked so gray I yelled at his distraught sister, "YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR PARENTS!" Away she flew. They scooped him up without a word to us and whisked the children away. A couple days later we would walk by a resort pool and glimpse them all in the shallow end.

It is one of the few times that I believe God audibly called my name.

There were lots of choice points in this story. God made two attempts to impress upon me the need for action. I dismissed those children, that situation, as "not my responsibility." I didn't respond until there was a crisis.

Sadly, my mom and my aunt didn't respond at all. My aunt was trained in first aid and CPR as a routine part of her job. She didn't come to check how things were but stayed on the opposite side of that gully. She simply said later, "He was coughing it up. That was good enough."

It reminds me of the Esther. She was a young Jewish woman who through a series of events hid her identity as a Jewess and became a queen. At one point, a man named Haman -- seeking revenge on Esther's uncle Mordecai -- plots to annihilate the Jewish population. Mordecai learns of the plot and goes to Esther and beseeches her to intervene with the king. The catch is that no one can enter the king's presence without being bidden to do so. If the king is in a bad mood, it could mean death. If he looks kindly upon someone, he might extend the royal scepter and they will be spared.

So, Esther is in a predicament. To intervene would risk her life. She hesitates, but Mordecai is insistent. In Esther 4:12 - 14 (NIV) says, "

"Do not think because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relieve and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

Could Esther argue it wasn't her place? Yes. Could she say that it wasn't her responsibility? Yes. Could she say the risk was too great? Definitely.

Esther does act with much prayer and thought and exhortation. God miraculously turns Haman's plot on it's head. But what would the cost have been if she had chosen not to act? Thousands might have lost their lives.

Yes, the story on the beach is dramatic but true. At times I wonder what might have happened if I continued my belief that "it wasn't my responsibility" so I could not act? The results may have been horrific.

Though they may not be so dramatic, how often do I dismiss "smaller" things in life because I believe they are not my responsibility. No, I cannot do everything. But anything on God's heart warrants a response on my part -- a prayer, a kind word, a gift, an action. I just need to trust Him to prompt me how and when to respond and obey the first time rather than the third.

What small or large "Esther's Choice" is God asking of you? Could it be that you were placed right where you are, working, caring for children, or even in the line at Walmart for such a time as this?

Sometimes I wonder about that now thirty~ish brother and sister pair and what God might be doing in their lives because two teens chose to respond (somewhat belatedly) to a commanding voice in the midst of the sand and the sea.

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Remember

In high school and college, I discovered the trick for learning lists of things was using a mnemonic device. Basically, you line up the beginning of letters of each word to form a word or, failing the ability to do that, making up a silly sentence in the same way. One that we probably all learned in elementary school is for the names of the Great Lakes, HOMES: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior. It associates hard to remember items with easy to remember ones, creating a series of links.

Over the summer I've been rereading C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia. In the Silver Chair, Eustace and Jill are called into Narnia by Aslan. Eustace has been before, but the two get separated. So, Jill meets Aslan on her own. He gives her a task: to find a lost prince and bring him home or die trying or have been called back to her own world.

Then Aslan carefully gives her instructions -- signs to remember to aid her and Eustace in their search. As He prepares to blow her into Narnia on his breath he says:

Stand still. In a moment I will blow. But first, remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear, as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs. Nothing else matters.

One year when I was reading through the Bible, I started marking all the times God said, "remember."It never failed that when His people forgot all that He had done for them or His commands that they royally messed up. This passage tickled that command to remember in my mind.

One of my favorite Biblical characters is King Josiah. (You can find his story in 2 Kings 22-23)

Josiah is eight-years-old when he becomes king. When he was in is early twenties, he gave the priests money to restore the temple. In the midst of the restoration, they find a book. Josiah has it read to him. In response to the Book of the Law, he tears his robes and recognizes that God is angry that they have not followed what is written. He has it read to the people, tears down the idols and shrines, and finally tells the people to celebrate the Passover.

"Not since the days of the judges who led Israel, nor throughout the days of the kings of Israel and the kings of Judah, had any such Passover been observed. but in the eighteenth year of King Josiah, this Passover was celebrated to the Lord in Jerusalem." (NIV 2 Kings 23:22-23)

The first Passover was key to God delivering the Israelites from the hands of the Egyptians. He had told them to remember but they forgot. In the frantic pace of life they neglected remembering and even lost His word. They built shrines to and worshiped other gods. They were running headlong to disaster as a nation because they forgot.

My church celebrates communion every Sunday. It is a time set out to remember what God has done. We do it in "remembrance" of Jesus death. But, I confess, that even with the time set aside, sometimes my thoughts pull me other directions. I need to grab groceries after church. There is laundry to do. Then there was that favor I needed to do for a friend.

What happens to me when I fail to remember what God has done in my life or neglect His word?

I get swallowed up by depression and anxiety. I let my time be eaten by the TV or the computer. I build shrines to other gods like work or relationships. I lose my bearings. Like Jill in the story, I find that air is thick and it is hard to remember. The harder it is to remember, the less likely I am to walk out the path God wants for me.

What does remembering do for me? It shows me all that God has done for me. It points me in the direction I should go (when I choose to be obedient). It lets me know God's love on a daily basis. It gives me hope.

Here are some things to help you remember:

• A couple times month jot down stories of how you have seen God work in your life. They don't have to be detailed. Bullet points will work if you think it will jog your memory enough.
• Look back on those stories.
• Thank God for how He has met you.
• Read scripture every day.
• Get into a Bible study and dig in deeper.
• Memorize. It's not just for "sword drills" at AWANA.
  

I've found that the verses or passages that I've studied come to me at the times I need them most. One set of verses for me is, Philippians 2:3-5.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

It reminds me how I should relate to others. And it is a reminder that I'm not imitating an Emmy winning actress. I am called to model myself after the King of the Universe.

I know I threw out several things. Don't feel the need to try to do them all at once. But will you pick one (jotting down stories, reading scripture daily, joining a Bible Study, or memorizing scripture) to commit to today?

Remember. It will make all the difference in the world in your life.


God's Work In Progress,


This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

He Knows My Name

Can you imagine going into labor almost 6 weeks early and then when you finally fully come around, you have not one baby but two? That's what happened to my mother. We were born at a time with twins were a rarity. Until we were in the fifth grade, we were the only twins in our elementary school. If I remember correctly, we were only one of three sets of twins in my high school.

Some twins out grow some of their identicalness. That has not been the case for us. Last fall, she went to the Hearts at Home Conference in Grand Rapids, MI. One of my best friends is the founder and several people from my church went to help out. My sister had person after person greet her with, "Amy, I didn't know you were going to be here!" She got tired of explaining that she was not who they thought she was.

As a child, we were both fairly shy and quiet. To our horror, when we would go out somewhere, people would stare and point and say, "Oh, look at the twins." It made us want to sink beneath the table.

Being a twin became my primary identity. People couldn't tells us apart, so they opted for "the twins" and things like "whichever one you are." I felt like no one apart from the pair. Add to this the fact that my family was abusive. We learned that it was better to be invisible than seen.

Over the years I've realized that this "one of a pair/many" mindset has played out in my faith. I took John 3:16 (NIV) to heart:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

For God so loved the world. My faith had kind of global feel it. Yes, I was loved and accepted but only because I was one of the masses.

Several years ago I went through a very rough patch. While I still believe in God, I decided not to go to church, not to make any more effort in my relationship with Him. I felt with the things that had happened, He had deserted me.

After 9 miserable months, I was even more desperate. I showed up on the doorstep of my current church. I was befriended and loved on, but I remained wary of God. Each week when communion was passed, I let it pass me by. There was a fear that I had in some way "snuck in the back door" and that I could only stay as long as God didn't notice me.

This went on for about 6 months. I do not remember what the pastor was preaching on, but one Sunday I had the overwhelming urge to take communion again. I whispered to my friend, "If I take communion do you think God wills zap me?" I honestly imagined a lightening bolt from heaven. "No," she assured me. And then, she said, "Let me serve it to you." In those precious moments, God began to reveal to me that he indeed saw me and loved me.

Recently, I went to Proverbs 31's She Speaks conference. I had the privilege of meeting many of the friends I've made in blogland. I was surprised how many people recognized me by name and threw their arms around me in delight. I still tend to think of myself as "overlooked" or "uninteresting." Those few days were a precious reminder that not only the lovely women I met saw me, the God of the universe sees me. He delights over me. He knows my name.

Isaiah 43:1 says the following:

But now, this is what the Lord says -- he who formed you, O Israel; "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine.

Praise God, that He knows my name and He knows yours as well!

• Which do you relate more to, the global thought of God loving you or the personal thought of Him knowing your name?
• What do you think is behind your feeling that way?
• How can knowing God knows your name and has redeemed you change your perspective today?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

Do Not Stop On Tracks

Do Not Stop On Tracks

I pass this sign on a daily basis. The tracks run between a tiny section of Linden Street between a set of stop lights a block or two apart. Much to my chagrin, trains often use this track when I am in a hurry to get somewhere.

But please, who would be silly enough to stop on these tracks? Still, it seems to be human nature to ignore these kinds of signs. And children who live near train tracks have to be told over and over not to play on the tracks. Sometimes, it seems, that we flirt with danger.

I'm law abiding (I've never gotten a speeding ticket!). So, stopping on these tracks isn't really an issue. But, I found God asking me, "So, what tracks do you stop on?" Me? Law abiding, Amy?

I have recently become acquainted with a woman who is new to my church. A friend told me I had to meet her because we process the entire issue of singleness in the same way. My interest peaked. However, we barely got introduced when she needed surgery. My friend was trying to find meals for her and I volunteered to make something and took it on Sunday.

Monday night I made my famous chocolate chip cookies. I always make plenty to share, so I decided to drop some cookies off to her as the medicinal impact of cookies is well known.

When I stopped in, her nieces were there to watch a movie with her. The cookies couldn't have had better timing. I was there for minutes, but I felt my heart sink as I left. I stopped on the tracks.

I have always wanted children. Barring that for the moment, I have always had this fantasy of "aunt-dom." In "aunt-dom" I imagined being the perfect aunt. I would go to soccer games and basketball games, plays and parties, take my nieces and nephews to McDonalds, let them stay up late, raptly listen to their stories, and be an all-around-cool kind of aunt. It hasn't worked out that way. We live too far apart and there are certain family dynamics that have made it an impossible dream.

But still, I dream of it. Walking in on them was like walking in on part of that dream. There was an easiness about it. One niece was helping with something. The woman from church teased the younger of the two about what her present for her upcoming birthday might be. My heart lept-- I want a day like this with my nieces and nephews! But, my heart also fell because I was instantly seized with jealousy. And then, I dawdled along those tracks for the rest of the day and evening.

As I prayed about it, God brought to mind this sign. He also brought to mind a friend's comment the other day. My friend Jill was with me when I dropped off my meal. We talked briefly and somehow it came up that I often spend time with Jill's children. Jill said something to the effect of not having family in town and me being an "adopted aunt" to them. God reminded me of the tough spring I had. When I was feeling a bit better, I had them over. One of them said, "It's been 2 months since we spent the night!" I was astonished they had been keeping track. There couldn't have been a sweeter compliment.

How do we get off those tracks when the bars have come down and the lights are flashing? Philippians 4:8 has some good advice.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (NIV)

So I'm counting my blessings. My nieces and nephews might be far away, but God has granted me several other kids to invest in -- to go to track meets, play games, indulge in little ways, cheer on during basketball, and hopefully help mold in positive ways.

Questions for reflection:

In what ways do you stop on the tracks?

How can you follow Paul’s advice to the Philippians?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog:

May 7, 2008

No Forfeit

I enjoy strategy games like Backgammon and Reversi. The goal is to out think your opponent. It's all a question of, "If I do this, then what will they do?"

To a degree, this strategy orientation has served me well in life as well as on the game board. I have the ability to plan for the future. I planned my college courses so well that as a senior I was finishing up two core classes and taking CPR and tennis! I strategized grad school too. How could I fit all of the courses in so that when it was time for my internship I wouldn't be too loaded down? It's meant saving now and playing later. It's meant knowing when to say, "Yes" to people or opportunities and when to say, "No" or "Wait."

It's meant that when needs have dictated (that I haven't planned on or strategized about) that I've had some flexibility. For example, my senior year in college, I did take a lighter load. But this was offset by the fact that my mom was terminally ill with cancer. The lighter load let me travel to be with her more.

Does strategy work with faith? It is a yes/no kind of answer. (It seems that the older I get, the more I tolerate the grey the areas of life.) It's helpful to have a strategy for growing in my walk: regular time with God (prayer, Bible reading, reflection), regular time with God's people (church on Sundays, a small group study, etc, and times with people who have been on the journey longer than I have), listening to the Holy Spirit in whatever capacity he chooses to speak to me (the still, small voice or the claps of thunder or the flowers a friend helped me plant . . .). All those things are good, maybe even great, pieces of strategy.

I play Backgammon on-line. A game is 1 point each. A match is 3 points. The goal is to win the match. Lots of times, I can tell when I am going to win or lose. If I think I am going to win, I'll send a request to double the points. This forces the opponent into accepting or rejecting the offer. (If they reject the offer, they automatically lose.) Likewise, if I'm fairly convinced I'm going to lose, I'll send an offer to forfeit that game. It drives me bananas when my opponent won't take my forfeit offer! Why waste time playing a game I can’t win?

In the game of life, I can have the best strategy in the world (at Backgammon or faith) and still come up on the losing side when I do it alone. All of the things mentioned above are great but without Christ they are just works, going through the motions. By themselves they get me nowhere. In that sense, my "strategy" isn't worth much.

I'm thankful that God has never (and never will) take me up any forfeit offer!

I am thankful that God had the ultimate, unyielding, unbending, unbeatable strategy from before the world began.

He knew I couldn't work my way into a right relationship with Him, so when He planted the Garden of Eden He also planted the cross on top a distant hill.

His strategy is that He would bear what I cannot bear and on a daily basis that I would simply come to Him (triumphant or broken, happy or sad, healthy or bruised) and let Him lift me up to places I could not (though I might think I could) ever go without Him. It's a humbling strategy for someone who relies so heavily on their own efforts. I cannot think my way or work my way to heaven. Where I might give up in despair, God says,

"There is no forfeit. You are too precious to me for that."

Questions to reflect on:

Is Jesus at the center of your life strategy?

God's Work In Progress,

This year I'm focusing on hope. I'd love for you to visit my personal blog: