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Friday, October 30, 2009

On Wearing Bras...

My oldest daughter, “Boog” wants to wear a "bra." It's not a real one and it's not like she even needs one. She's 9 and only 9 and there is nothing that shows she is anything but 9. Doesn't sound like a big deal does it? But, my husband (whom I affectionately call in the Blogosphere, Pastor JT) sees it as such. At first I didn't really agree. I mean, what's the harm in wearing a little "bra?" No one can see it and it makes her feel kind of older. Aha, that's the problem. Well, that's part of the problem. In fact, it's not really the problem. wait...

My husband couldn't really figure out why it bothered him so much, he just knew that he didn't want her wearing one.

Modesty? No.

Too "grown up?" Kind of.

It wasn't until he was talking about it with my brother-in-law about the whole thing that it snapped into the real reason why.

Boog wants to be someone she isn't.

She isn't a girl with "girls" yet, but she wants to be one. She isn't a girl who can wear make-up, but she wants to be. She wants to be someone else. Not that she isn't happy being Boog, she just wants what other people have.

Be older.
Wear this or that.
Have what they have.

Is it not the ageless dilemma, dare I say bondage, that women struggle with even as adults? We think we'd be happier if we had a job, or if we stayed home with our kids. We'd sure feel better about ourselves if we had the house she does, or a husband like that. We would most certainly feel better if we had her body or her hair.

"If only I had_____________."
"If only I was_____________."

You fill in the blank.

I want to train her to live in the moment God has for her. It's not so much about her acting out being and feeling "older." It's about her living in the moment of her age, purpose, and calling. Even at 9.

Not that there is anything with dreaming and having goals. No, that's good and right. But, I don't want her dreaming about the latest look, fashion, or boy. So, if that means the bra goes in the trash and some tears are shed, then so be it.

What about at 34? How often have I wished I wore a different bra size, so to speak. Lived on someone else calendar? Had someone else's opportunities? How often have I fallen for wishing I lived on that other, greener grass?

How much effort do I put into my life to make it what I wish it was? Which of those wishes should I go after? Which ones need to come under God's authority? Which ones do I need to stop wishing for?

Needless to say, the bra is going in the trash simply because she got busted wearing it the other day when we went out. It was okay to wear it around the house, but since she lied and snuck it out of the house to go to a party with us, it's going in the big green bin. We will remove the very thing that pulls her to feel like someone she isn't and caused her to sin.

...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...Hebrews 12:1 NIV

Our value is in Jesus and what He has done for us. He has a calling on our lives and we will live it in confidence and with grace. We have to stop believing the enemy who whispers in our ear that we would be happy "if only..." Stop letting those "wishes" cause us to sin against God and lie to ourselves and other about who we really are.

Father, may we find all we need in You!

Is there a “bra” you need to get rid of?

In Him,



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Blogger Denise said...

Wonderful devotion.

October 30, 2009 at 5:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this. I like what you said about 'living in the moment of her age, purpose and calling'. My daughter is 7 and there are things she wants to watch or do or have that don't quite sit right with me. None of the things are bad or wrong in themselves, and I can never quite explain what my issue is with them - but I think you have said it perfectly.

And a message in there for me too - at 32, there are some things which I perhaps need to stop wishing for, and get on with living in the moment just as I am...

October 30, 2009 at 10:04 AM  
Blogger Natalie @ I AM (not) said...

Thanks Denise and Anonymous. I'm glad I could help! We moms need each other!

October 30, 2009 at 10:49 AM  
Anonymous Laurel@FromMyHeartToYours said...

Natalie, I always love your posts. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. So many of these things seem little but when we get to the heart of them, they can be dangerous...I'm talking about your little girl, my children - and myself too!

Dear Lord, thank you for Natalie, for the way she is able to share her heart here today. Thank you for Boog and for that innocent little heart of hers - for the way that Natalie and her husband seek to protect her heart. Give them wisdom as they teach their little arrow(s)and let Boog's heart remain soft and open to hear their encouragement and rebuke.

Let this message seep into my heart, and those reading here today - and reveal to each of us what those little things are so what we can lay them at the cross today. In Your name, AMEN

Hugs from Canada

October 30, 2009 at 11:29 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

This is so wonderful! Wow! I never really thought of it this way. Thanks so much for sharing your heart!

October 30, 2009 at 3:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a mother of a 20 yr old daughter. I enjoyed reading this post and it does make some very good points. But, I have to be honest and say that I feel a little sad for your daughter because she is not wanting something she doesn't have, nor is she wanting what someone else has---what she wants is indeed her destiny----the very thing God is calling her to be----a woman. Young girls just need to be educated and encouraged to be women of God, women who dress and behave modestly and pleasing to God. To desire womanhood is not a sin, but God's calling.

October 30, 2009 at 7:58 PM  
Blogger TCKK said...

Very good! Thank you for sharing. This may be a help with my daughters!

October 30, 2009 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger The Queen Mommy said...

It's so true. Even as adults - how often do we want or want to do something because it helps us fit in better, or feel like we fit in better. Great, thoughtful stuff to chew on!

October 31, 2009 at 5:41 AM  
Blogger BizzieLizzie said...

Well, you know upon reading this post - I felt sad. I have a little one that is 10, and while I don't like the fact that she is growing up and body parts are changing - the fact that she likes being a girl and wanting to wear a bra - really does my heart good. I was JUST the opposite and wanted nothing to do with a bra and was MADE to wear one. I'm in agreement with the Anonymous post. My Lizzie is very conservative and quiet, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a little girl and all that joys and heartaches that it brings. Your daughter may not "need" the bra just yet, but the fact that she wants to wear one and has to lie to wear one would worry me more! Just my humble opinion from a girl that has a girl - that likes being - just that - a girl!

October 31, 2009 at 9:25 AM  
Blogger Natalie @ I AM (not) said...

Anon and Bizzie, thanks for your comments. Oh yes!!! I LOVE that she wants to be a woman and we most certainly want her to embrace her womanhood. It's been about 2 years since this happened and we certainly have dealt with the lack of integrity. :) oOf course, there was more "family" stuff behind all this, but I hope you heard my heart and I thank you for your words.

She truly is becoming quite the young woman and it is indeed a joy to watch! ;)

November 2, 2009 at 9:50 PM  

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