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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Peace in the Midst of the Storm

"I feel defeated," I wrote in my journal and struggled to keep the tears in check.

Around me beeps, chirps, and bells sounded, alerting the nurses to check on the sick babies lined up in the beds along the wall. I walked into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit that morning to find my tiny daughter back under the blue light to help rid her of jaundice. It was her ninth day of life – her ninth day in the NICU.

I was tired. I came alone that day because my other children were home from school. My husband stayed with them, while I kept watch over our newest child. One, two, three, four, five – I counted the wires, tubes, and cords coming from her small body and stared at the mask over her face to protect her eyes from the special light. How could this be? Why did this happen? Thirty-six weeks didn’t seem that early to me. She was so much bigger than the other preemies in the unit, but she was dependent on the oxygen and monitors the same as them.

No one was in a rush that day – a rush to get me out of there. My nurse that day made me feel like an intruder continually encouraging me to leave, reminding me my other children needed me. Like I needed any reminder. Without my husband by my side I was vulnerable and weak. I sent up a prayer of desperation. Oh, Lord, I can’t take much more. I feel defeated…

Seconds later, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into a smiling face.

“Are you okay?” one of the front desk receptionists asked.

“Yeah,” I drawled unconvincingly.

“Are you sure?” she probed again.

That was all it took. That one little push sent the tears running. She leaned down and embraced me in a tight, all-encompassing hug. With her mouth right by my ear, what she told me had the hairs standing up on the back of my neck.

“God is still good. All the time.”

I knew the employees couldn’t come out and share their faith at the risk of offending someone. How did she know what I needed to hear? She straightened up as I thanked her for the hug, still reeling over what I heard. She tilted her head with a grin, winked, and disappeared in the cacophony of sounds.

God sent her. There was no other explanation. He longed to fix my hurt. He was keeping watch over me the same way I kept watch over my precious child. My Abba Father knew how alone and overwhelmed I felt and sent someone to tell me He was near.

Do you feel all alone?

Have you felt like shaking everyone around you and shouting, “Fix it”?

I don’t know your circumstance, but I know One who does. Our Almighty Father has a message for you, too. Let me be the one to tell you…

God is good. All the time.

You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. Joshua 23:14 NIV

Visit Carol at sheep to the right!

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Blogger Nancy said...

As I read your post, my 3 week old baby nephew is getting ready for surgery. I was at the hospital with my sister who is alone,just like you were. Her husband, in the Army states away, getting ready to leave for 1 year in Iraq. I saw her last night and witnessed the same tubes/beepings/crying/machines. I saw her fear and anxiety. But, through it all, God is in control. Yes, He is good... all the time. You are right. Thank you for that reminder, especially during this trial.

October 8, 2009 at 7:59 AM  
Anonymous Marie said...

My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. As I write, my new niece is in the hospital. She was born 2 1/2 months early. I will see my brother's family this evening to pray for them. Please keep us in your prayers as well.

October 8, 2009 at 9:22 AM  
Blogger Angie said... I'm home sick with some sort of silly sinus/head/chest something. I NEEDED your words. Desperately. Feeling in a pity party of good reason...but as a woman...who needs a reason? I NEEDED the confirmation that GOD IS every every way.

Your words brought the tears flooding my eyes and washing my heart. That's what I needed.

Thank you dear darlin'.

October 8, 2009 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

What a sweet reminder of such a precious promise...I needed this...thank you for sharing this....

October 8, 2009 at 7:46 PM  
Blogger Shelly said...

This was such a great post. I love when God brings the right person at the right times. He knows. That's all I need to know....cause if He knows, then He can take care of it.

October 8, 2009 at 9:58 PM  
Anonymous alisa said...

What an absolutely beautiful story -- I'm crying! I'm so glad that God is good all the time, even when the storm is raging!!!

Thank you for writing this faith-story!

October 8, 2009 at 11:36 PM  

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