All the Things I Cannot Do
“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13 NIV
I have scoliosis. Defined, this simply means curvature of the spine. For most, it is easily treated with no long term effects. For some, it has major repercussions.
I was diagnosed with this disorder in the sixth grade and had to wear a brace 23-hours a day for two and a half years. During a time when I wanted to wear the latest fashions, I dressed to conceal the brace. Instead of playing sports with my friends, I cheered them on from the stands. Instead of being a go-getter, I hid to avoid ridicule.
At the end of the two years, it was determined that the curvature of my spine was still progressing and I underwent spinal fusion surgery. This brought another onslaught of preteen issues as I spent the first half of my eighth grade year in a hospital bed in the front room of our house taking classes from a state paid tutor.
The years ticked by and I hid this disability beneath the appearance of a normal body. With no outward expression of the metal fused to my bone, no one need know that I was limited; including me.
I lived as if the problem did not exist. Despite the pain, despite the physical limitations, despite the second fusion 14 years after the first, I lived as if there was not nor had been a disability.
My cloak of denial was dismantled when my disability took on an outward appearance. Now, at times, I walk with a cane. Not only did my limitations become visible to those around me, they were now visible to me.
I was angry. I cried out to God, “Why can’t I do the things everyone else can do? Why can’t I be normal?”
These cries were followed by a laundry list of everything I wanted to do, but am not able too. I cried on the shoulder of my God until he moved upon my heart.
“Sweetheart,” he whispered, “I know.”
Peace swallowed me as I realized what I was doing. My God, the one who knew me in my mother’s womb, knows the circumstances of my life. I was spending countless hours telling God what He already knows. But, if I will get quiet before Him, lay my circumstances down at His feet, fall at the foot of the throne and listen; then I will be primed to find out what He wants me to know.
Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (NIV) My God purposed me for a destiny created just for me. He knew my limitations before I did and that did not change His mind about the things He created me to do. When I let go of my predisposed beliefs about my purpose and I take on the purposes of God then I realize that “I CAN do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13
Now, I spend time listening to the heart of God. Using my gifts, strengths and abilities in alignment with Him allows me to overcome my disability and further the kingdom of God in a way I never could on my own.
Is there a circumstance in your life that has limited to you? Is there something you need to lay at the cross? Let’s take time today to get in touch with the one who created us and find out the purpose He has for each of our lives. In doing so, we can overcome our circumstances and become that which God created us to be.
Dear Lord, forgive me for telling you what you already know and neglecting that which you would like me to know. Help me receive the purposes you have for my life and the strength you provide for me to complete that purpose. In Jesus’ Name,
Spring M. Fricks is a freelance writer, co-founder with her husband of Harvest Care Point ministry and a speaker. She lives in Jacksonville, Fl and can be reached via her website at www.princessandtheking.blogspot.com.
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