The Message of the Words

The Message of the Words

How often have you considered what your child really hears? It wasn’t until God began my healing that I realized how much had been distorted in me. It wasn’t necessarily what a person said, it was what I interpreted their words to mean. As I became aware of things I had believed about myself through another’s words, I had to face the reality that my children had heard things through my words. So many years had passed in my child-raising. Was there any way things could be redeemed? How could I go back and speak truth into those places? I know with God it’s never too late for redemption, but how do I go back?

One day God gave me a front row seat to His never-ending desire to heal and restore. My 2nd daughter was struggling when she came into my room. Being my child who internalizes, it wasn’t evident what was really going on, so I started asking questions. She blurted out. “I’m sorry I’ve always caused you so much pain.” Having just finished an intense time of healing through a set of tools our church uses, (Christ-life Solutions) I knew God was extending an invitation to be involved in a rescue.

I began to question her to find out why she would say such a thing. She said “I was the one who brought you so much pain in childbirth”. Aha, the lie is revealed. She had heard me talk to women, as most of us do, about my child births. She had heard me say that she was my longest, most painful childbirth. But what her mind processed was “I’m the one who caused my mom the most pain.” “I hurt my mom.” “It’s my fault.”

I held her in my arms as she wept. I began to soak her with the truth. “Oh sweetheart, you didn’t cause me pain.” “It wasn’t your fault.” “It was MY body that would not cooperate.” “You tried to get here, but my body wouldn’t let you.” “It’s not your fault.” “It was my body’s fault.” As she held onto me I told her of how desperately I had wanted to hold her in my arms. I told her how greatly she was loved and longed for. A moment of healing came as the truth set her free.

Our words have an effect, whether we realize it or not. Words like “you’re driving me crazy” are interpreted “I drive my mom crazy.” “I’m a problem”. It’s not the child that’s driving you crazy, it’s their behavior. But the child thinks it’s them. When I joked around saying “my kids are my slaves” my oldest heard, “mom just had us so we could work for her.” “You’re not getting this” can be interpreted “I’m stupid, I can’t understand.”

Children hear things through a child’s mind. They can’t reason it out through the mind of an adult. Whatever their minds process is what they end up believing. I know, I was one of those children.

I have hurt my children, because I have not considered what they might be hearing through my words. Sometimes I wonder if it can ever all be recovered. And then I remember:

“I will restore the years the locusts have eaten”, says the Lord (Joel 2:25)

Most heartache and brokenness come through family life. Words get distorted. Things are heard that are not meant. Children get hurt. I’ve heard enough stories to verify that. Listen through the ears of a child. Be careful what you speak. There is one who prowls around seeking to distort what you say to steal, kill and destroy. Don’t allow him to use your words.

I am thankful that it’s never too late. His grace covers everything, even my words. Instead of condemning me, He invites me to be a vessel of healing. I believe in the God who heals. I know, He came for me. What about you? What’s behind your words?

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

Questions for Reflection:

• What are your kids hearing from your words?
• Have you ever considered what you might have heard that’s been distorted?
  

“May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, My God. Prick my heart when they’re not.”

You can find Julie at her personal blog, Jewelz Sightings.