You have fear of what??

Being a devotional writer guarantees two things in your life, one God is going to mess with you; teach you, stretch you, develop you. Secondly, you will go through things in your life so you can make applications. At least I hope that to be true because the story I tell you today I pray that someone will be blessed because I am still trying to figure things out. First off you have my permission to laugh with or at me, but what may come across as funny was not funny at the time.

Fear is not something I really have had to deal with on a daily basis. I know there are some sweet sisters that do deal with phobias, or fear due to failing health of a loved one, etc.. I don’t want to make light of any of that, fear comes in all shapes and sizes. I found in the last few weeks that I had to deal with some fear and God being God had to get my attention in a funny but very real way through two different circumstances. I have to say part of me is embarrassed to share this, but “Lord please let it bless someone else…”

I have had opportunities that have been coming my way. These opportunities are God blessing me, I know, but in reality they are having me step out of ALL my comfort zones. I have always known that the Lord wants to work through me in one way or another, but I am going to have to be willing to step in the water first before He takes over. I have to be willing to jump off the cliff so he can help me fly, so to speak. Well some of these “blessings” have caused me great anxiety. Fear of the unknown, fear of making a fool of myself, fear of failing. I am sad to admit a big part of me wanted to walk away from some of the blessings because they seem “too hard” and frankly I was just scared. How sad is that? It was a battle going through my mind constantly, and fear had been affecting my health and basically paralyzing me. To be honest I think it was God bringing to the surface things I have stuffed down. Like I said God being God had to drive the point home. (I can be so thick headed sometimes...ok ALL THE TIME)

I was doing laundry about a week ago (do you see that it has take me a WEEK to even breath a word of this), anyways I was doing laundry like I always do. My washer and dyer are located in my garage. As I was picking up some clothes to toss in the washer, there sitting on the washer was a spider of epic portions. I have lived in Arizona and now in Florida, but I have NEVER seen a spider this big outside of a glass. This spider was so big it would not even begin to fit through my vacuum hose if I wanted to suck it up, which we do to all the other little spiders we find along the way. I was paralyzed with fear. I dropped the laundry and walked in my house and locked the doors. Hubby went out later in the evening after he got home and could not find the spider, but there were still clothes in front of the washer piled up so I was sure the spider was still there.

That night I had nightmares about the spider. This had truly terrified me!! So what is a girl to do? I head to Target the next day and purchase a Raid Fogger that I set off in my garage to kill anything whatsoever living. You would think that would have given me comfort but it did not. I KNEW I had to do laundry again. So I opened the garage door (mind you this is a day after the spider was found, and AFTER I set the fogger off to kill everything), took a shovel and proceeded very carefully picking up the dirty clothes (with the shovel) because I was so scared the spider was in the clothes and/or under the lip of the washer. I shoved the clothes into the washer, knocked the washer shut and reached over very quickly with the extra hot water setting and washed the clothes. Ran back inside and locked the door. Once the washer was done, I got my tongs I use in the kitchen, laid a shirt over the lip of the washer in case the spider was under the lip of the lid, that way the shirt was blocking it. And I used the tongs to get the wet clothes out and into the dryer. The whole time my eyes were darting everywhere.

Yes it is funny, but I had real paralyzing fear. My poor boys have listened to my screeching about doors being opened for the past week for fear the spider will get back in. Somehow I knew the spider was not dead, I just knew it. But VERY S L O W L Y I have been doing my laundry again. I would be lying if I told you I can walk in to my garage today without a little bit of fear right now.

Well a few days ago, my oldest son come running in the house and yells for my middle son, “You have to come see something really quick. Come fast!!” I was only paying half attention, but middle son runs out of the house. Then a few minutes later he comes back and says, “Um Mom do you have any bug killer?” I said “why?” And oldest son is yelling, “don’t tell Mom she will freak!” See my kids knew about my fear. It turns out the HUGE spider was now in my front yard (think bigger than your hand, including fingers). I wish I could say I went out there to protect my sons, but I handed them the bug spray and as they said, “they sprayed the daylights out of the spider.” And hit the spider with the hose, etc…

God was trying to get through to me about fear. Do you want to know what I came across in my devotional? Sometimes when you want comfort and understanding, you get a quick kick in the butt. The verse said:

The sluggard says, "There is a lion outside!" or, "I will be murdered in the streets!" Prov 22:13

God was telling me….. in fact I felt the admonishment of “GET OVER IT” there is fear whether it is in circumstances or in bugs!!! I don’t feel God was calling me a sluggard, but he was telling me to let go of my (fear, excuses, lack of faith) so he could move in my life. This has been a difficult two weeks, and the “getting over it” is a process that I am, with his strength, overcoming albeit slowly.

God said, “Girl I want to use you, but we need to get over the hurdle of paralyzing fear.” I love how God drives homes points in my life sometimes. How thick headed of me that it had to take a spider of epic portions to do it. Do I know where the spider is now? I think it is dead due to the destruction of three ambitious boys that love to protect their Momma. What about the blessings that are causing me fear? They are still there but because of the spider incident I know I can move forward knowing God is with me always….even in the laundry room.

Do you have a fear that is in the way of being all God wants you to be? Hit it head on girl, the Lord is going to walk you through it. Notice I did not say deliever you from it, but walk you THROUGH IT.

PS- I know you will all be happy to know I did do many loads of laundry this weekend, and yes I was very proud of myself. I know it just would not fly with hubby if I said, "but honey I have a phobia of doing laundry..." Like I said, yes this is a funny story but it has formed one big lesson on my heart. And I had to chuckle because after I wrote this devotional the song, "Dive" from Stephen Curtis Chapman was blaring....

My heart is racing and my knees are weak, As I walk to the edge, I know there is no turning back, Once my feet have left the ledge, And in the rush I hear a voice That's telling me it's time to take the leap of faith, So here I go......

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