Are You Losing Control?

(This was our first picture of QiuYue, "Lauren Elizabeth.")

In January of 2006 we started the process of adopting our daughter Lauren from China. We were so excited and did all the necessary paperwork, prepared her bedroom, bought her clothes, prayed for her everyday and waited. In September of 2006, we boarded a plane to China to bring home our distant daughter. She was 2 years old when she came home.

Lauren had been found abandoned in September of 2004 as a “red and crying” infant on the steps of a Buddhist Temple and brought directly to an orphanage where she would live until we came to get her.

While waiting for Lauren, I read many books about adopting a toddler and the effects of living in an orphanage during the early years of life. While studying, I learned a new term, “attachment disorder.”

Healthy attachments begin in early infancy. The infant experiences pain, hunger, or discomfort and expresses rage by crying. The infant's primary caregiver (usually the mother) responds to the infant's rage reaction with eye contact, touch, motion, or food. The infant learns to trust his caregiver for comfort and the bonding process begins. This bonding cycle is repeated countless times during the infant's first year of life. Uninterrupted repetition of the cycle results in a strong trust bond between infant and caregiver.

Attachment disorders result when the infant's needs are not gratified. Kathy Miller, founder and president of The Attachment Network in Oklahoma, explains, "When an infant expresses rage and feels no relief for her need, she learns that to survive this world, she must control it. These children actually believe that if they release control to anyone else that they will die."

It has been a long road with Lauren this past year and a half. I have had to deal with and respond to her far differently than I did with my three biological children.

I am thankful to say that Lauren now has a strong attachment to myself and my husband, but it hasn’t been without many tears and trials. She struggled so hard for control, and still does at times. She resisted our love for fear that we would abandon her because she could not trust anyone but herself. Even this tiny little girl had developed survival skills to protect herself. She resisted eye contact often withdrawing emotionally, or raging in anger.

This brings me to my devotional thought. How many of us have not been “raised” with the love of God? How many of us have not gone through the cycle of healthy attachment with our Lord?
We hurt, we cry out to God and He responds with love and comfort. However, many times we are not willing to trust Him and we miss the comfort and security that He brings to our hearts. That in turn cuts off the cycle of attachment to Him.

We struggle for control. We resist resting in His love because we have not grown to know that He is safe for us. We run place to place, person to person, from one vice to another looking for that quick fix and all along it could be found in Him. I believe that many of God’s children suffer with “attachment disorder” from their Savior. And certainly those who have never given their lives to Him most definitely suffer from it.

Getting Lauren through this has been trying at times. I’ve spent countless hours just holding and cuddling her, making eye contact even while at times she was fighting me with all her might. But, through those times, she has learned to trust. She has come to the conclusion that she is not in charge and when she hands over authority to me, she finds security.

If I just left her to herself, to make all her decisions and control every aspect of her life, the result would be a child (and eventually an adult) completely out of control. She would be self-destructive, hurting herself and everyone around her.

Have you ever known anyone like that? Have you yourself experienced this?

He has not left us to ourselves. He promises that He will never leave us as orphans.

His love is unfailing!

John 14:18
18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
NIV

Psalms 36:7
7 How priceless is Your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.
NIV

Psalms 52:8
8 But I am like an olive tree
flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God's unfailing love
for ever and ever.
NIV

The Lord has and will do His part, however we have responsibility in this also. We have to be willing to hand over control to Him. To trust Him completely with our whole life.

It’s time for us to lose control, by giving it to Him!

Gal 2:20
20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
NIV

Lord, I pray that You would open the eyes of our hearts to see and know that we can trust You with all of our heart. Heal past hurts Lord and set us free from the fear that paralyzes us. I hand over all control to You and I trust You. Lord, let us walk in Your love and spread that love to everyone around us.


Come check out my giveaways this week!