Freedom Reigns - Letting Go
I am a first born. I had an approval addiction.
In an attempt to always earn gratitude, attention, and worth, I became an overachiever. I made A’s. I cleaned my room. I took care of my siblings. I took on my mother’s problems. I helped my sister pay for her wedding. I took in my brother at age 14. I worked 40+ hour weeks on top of being a mother. I tried to do everything. By the time I was an adult I was burnt out and bitter. I had so much resentment towards those who didn’t give me their approval. It became so bad that I was angry at myself for not achieving certain things. But God revealed something to me one day.
I was in bondage.
Approval had become a false god in my life.
He revealed to me that my expectations of myself were causing others to expect the same of me. When I couldn’t deliver I began to have the same expectations of others to soothe my pain. After all, if they couldn’t do it then they shouldn’t expect me to. This was a vicious cycle.
In an attempt to always earn gratitude, attention, and worth, I became an overachiever. I made A’s. I cleaned my room. I took care of my siblings. I took on my mother’s problems. I helped my sister pay for her wedding. I took in my brother at age 14. I worked 40+ hour weeks on top of being a mother. I tried to do everything. By the time I was an adult I was burnt out and bitter. I had so much resentment towards those who didn’t give me their approval. It became so bad that I was angry at myself for not achieving certain things. But God revealed something to me one day.
I was in bondage.
Approval had become a false god in my life.
He revealed to me that my expectations of myself were causing others to expect the same of me. When I couldn’t deliver I began to have the same expectations of others to soothe my pain. After all, if they couldn’t do it then they shouldn’t expect me to. This was a vicious cycle.
Besides, if my mother wasn’t capable of raising her son then how could she expect me to be a perfect mother to him? I was only 24. What did I know about raising a teenager? That is what I thought. However, I still felt it was my responsibility to be the mother he never had. I felt like I had to save him.
I began to fervently seek God and pray for the bondage to be broken. At a woman’s conference I prayed as loud as I could for the generational curses to be stopped at my generation. I got on my face and begged God to take this away from me.
Then, one night, He said, “I already did.”
When? I still feel the same! Why do I still feel like I am shackled? I could not lift my arms in praise since they were bound to my ankles. I could not sing songs of worship because the posture I had to take constricted my voice. I was not free. Why?
I began to feel the words that were coming forth in worship:
Where the spirit of the Lord isThere is freedomWhere the spirit of the Lord isThere is freedomIf you're tired and you are thirsty
There is freedom
If you're tired and you are thirstyThere is freedomFreedom reigns in this placeShowers of mercy and graceFalling on every faceThere is freedom
Tears began to stream down my face. I felt God holding me. He was speaking to me through this song…
We lift our eyes to JesusThere is freedom
We lift our eyes to JesusThere is freedomFreedom reigns in this place
Showers of mercy and graceFalling on every face
There is freedomJesus reigns in this place
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on every face
There is freedom
I heard Him say “let go.”
“Let go of what?” I asked.
“Control” He said.
Whatever you're burdened with tonightWhatever you struggle with tonight
There is Freedom
There is freedomNobody is looking at you tonightNobody is looking at you tonightThe eyes of the Lord is moving to and fro throughout the EarthSeeking an heart that's completely His
“But how do I let go?” I asked Him.
God said to me, “Look down”
When I looked down at the chains that bound me…
…they were already broken.
All I had to do was take them off. They had been broken the whole time. I had prevented my own freedom.
With my eyes closed and tears pouring from my eyes, I went through the motions of removing the chains from my wrists. I didn’t care who saw or what they thought. I just did it.
I raised my hands higher than I ever had before. I began to jump up and down, smile, and sing louder than I ever had before.
Jesus you reign in this placeShowers of mercy and graceFalling on every faceThere is freedomFreedom reigns in this place
Showers of mercy and graceFalling on every faceThere is freedom
I had to give up control of my emotions and mindset to God. I accepted my freedom from this bondage.
I sometimes still fall back into this old mindset. It is during these times that God reminds me to remove the shackles and to stop holding on to things that I think I have control over.
"I will walk at liberty and at ease, for I have sought and inquired for [and desperately required] Your Truth and Your Wisdom." - Psalm 119:45
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed." - Luke 4:18
What are you holding on to?
I'd love for you to visit me at my personal blog: Amy Bayliss.com
Labels: Amy's Articles, Freedom
posted by Amico Dio @ 9:41 AM
12 Comments:
This was so awesomely beautiful, bless you.
Aside from your specific circumstances, this could be me you describe. This is an eye-opening post for me. Thanks, Amy!
as Christine said ~ you could have been describing my life too. thank you for sharing, I really needed this today ~ I have fallen back into my old habits and I don't like it. I desire freedom and its mine for the taking. ;D
May the Lord continue to bless you and yours.
from one oldest child to another, you wrote this about me huh? Great article Amy.
Amy,
So many in bondage. Praise Jesus....He as already freed us. Powerful post and well written. Thank you.
The falling "back into this old mindset" is the stumbling block, isn't it? We've got to not only know that we're free, we've got to STAY FREE! I'll keep falling- it's a sad truth- but I'm going to fall forward into His arms.
He'll keep lifting me up.
Beautiful imagery...reminds me of a story i read once about how circus elephants are held by a tiny chain around the ankle they could easily break, however, they are resigned to bondage...
praise God you weren't...
blessings on you!
Lisa
Wonderful, truthful and timely. Thanks for writing this!
What an eye opener. I too am in this bondage. With God's help, I hope to remove the broken chains. Thank you.
Gery
Oh, my, my, my. This sounds so familiar.
I've fallen into the approval trap so often. God pulls me back on the path with this:
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
Thanks for the meaningful post.
This was so perfectly timed, thank you. God has really blessed me through you today. :)
WOW Amy - powerful post! (((HUGS))) and Blessings your way!!
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