God's voice

Carol had the hard job. She started this blog off with a wonderful post, reminding us of why we are in this community of women to begin with. I can now settle us into our coffee break, as we share in fellowship and encouragement, by highlighting 2 Cor. 12:9 (which I do very well, by the way, cracked pot that I am):

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Cor. 12:9

When my sister and I were kids, we had an hour limit on our TV time. For many years we chose to watch Little House on the Prairie (5:00pm on channel 11) as a family, foregoing other less-valuable shows in favor of the adventures of the Ingalls family. We would all settle down in the family room, my dad lying on the floor with a magazine, as we got wrapped up in Mary's quiet obedience, Pa's hard work and love of family, Carrie's little-girl smile, Ma's gentleness, and Laura's buck teeth and spunk. I think every little girl related to Laura above all. She had an energy and fire about her that rang true for us, and we loved her.

Now with Colin, our 6-year-old, I am reading the second book in the Little House series. We came across this passage and it has stuck with me all week.

Then Ma said, "Laura." That was all, but it meant that Laura must not complain. So she did not complain any more out loud, but she was still naughty, inside. She sat and thought complaints to herself.

Wow, that Caroline! What a mom! I don't remember ever hearing her speak a harsh word or raise her tone of voice. There was always gentleness in her spirit and soft words from her mouth. Ma simply spoke Laura's name and, even in the midst of Laura's frustration and little-girl tiredness, calmed her down as I only wish I could do with my own children!

But Laura still complained internally. I sense more in me that reflects Laura in this passage than Ma. I respond to God's soft whispers and the Holy Spirit's nudgings with internal grumbling, even while obeying Him.

Then God said, "Christine..."

How many times do I hear that still, small voice and argue with it? More often than I'd like to admit.

"But God, I'm tired and I don't want to cook dinner. I'd rather just call for take out..." Grumble, grumble, grumble.

"But God, the way they treated me is not fair, why should I forgive?"

"But God, I really want to look at a few more blogs instead of clean the bathroom..." Complain, complain, complain.

"But God..."

"But..."

And you know, if we argue and complain enough, God's voice doesn't get louder, as mine would if my children were to complain, but softer. God doesn't draw nearer to make sure we hear. Instead He withdraws and lets us go our own way for a time, till we realize that we need Him to guide us and correct us if we are to remain in communion with Him.

I so want to be able to practice "first-time obedience" with my Father, in the same way I teach my kids to respond to me. Not that they have that down pat, mind you, but we're working on it. Why? Because, as their mom, I am to have only their ultimate good in mind, and they are to trust that that's true. Because of God's perfect nature, and because he told us so, we know that God only has our best interests at heart.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jer. 29:11

If I can trust that, then the still, small voice will be enough. I will listen, and even if I just hear, "Christine...", I will know that I am to follow His voice. I am to take every thought captive for Christ, even the grumbling and complaining, and let myself be led. Then I'll be able to rest in God, who knows me fully, and sit back in full obedience and comfort, regardless of the circumstances.

Though I wish I was more like Ma, I can learn from Laura. I can learn that even in disagreement, displeasure and reluctant obedience, God wants what's best for me and will stop at nothing to gently call me back to the place of contentment- the place where I am in complete communion with Him.