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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Two shall be One ~ Tuesday

Hello Café girls!

Wow, two weeks flew by fast. I dearly love getting to know all of you and it has been so fun to meet new friends here.


I have started a series on my blog called “Two shall be One ~ Tuesdays,” so today I’m going to post it here. Here is a link to last weeks, Week 1. I talked about my husband Mark and my “work experience” in marriage ministry and how to "build" on the right foundation.

My husband and I have been married for 20 blissful, uneventful years! NOT!
I interrupt this figment of my imagination for a dose of reality.

Marriage is not always fun. Marriage is work! Marriage is sacrifice.

We’ve been on mountaintops and spent our fair share of time in the valley. I think we’ve also experienced a few times on the sea of life, while a typhoon was roaring through.

In this life, nothing worth having comes easy. There is always a price to pay.
What I have learned about marriage is that the price to pay has to begin with me.
I would like to say that HE (hubby) holds all the responsibility as the leader of the home…and say that if he would just get his act together, things would be fine.
*grin*
I learned the hard way that is not true.

More often than I'd like to admit, I’m the problem. In fact, there are times when we are in a storm and he doesn’t even seem to notice.
Can you believe that?!


How can he just go on as if nothing has happened when he so obviously trampled all over my heart and I am laying here bleeding all over the laundry.

I’m being silly, but seriously…I have spent more hours of my day stewing over something that he did or said that completely offended me and he never even realized that he did it. The argument (that we’re not even having) could be over with and I could stop slamming cupboard doors if I would just let it go.

I looked up the Webster's definition of 'stewing' and it is:
...to be in a state of suppressed agitation, worry, or resentment

Yes, that would pretty much sums it up.

I believe that the strongest marriages are made up of two "forgivers."

Forgive. (Didn’t we talk about that 2 weeks ago??)

I hear you…you’re saying…”oh HE knew what he did, and he meant to do it!”

Well, so what if that IS true?
(I heard you gasp.)

I’m just going to say it again…SO?
So what?

If I choose to let it go, it could be over with. Life could more on. In fact, I could act like it never even happened and possibly have a wonderful day. My kids would be happier, my cupboards would be happier, and I will have done what it takes to make my marriage better/stronger- sacrifice.

Let me just take a little break here and say, I love you all, really I do. I
am telling you this because I know how hard this can be- I've lived it sister!
Please know that I am not pointing fingers... I am just sharing with you what
helped me!

Have you ever watched those shows on climbing Mt. Everest? I would never choose to by my own volition, but my husband loves them.


Do you know what these people go through to get to the mountain top???
Some sacrifice their life! Some of them die on the journey! Some lose fingers and toes or their noses turn black with frostbite.
None of them get to the top of that mountain easily or comfortably. They all suffer along the way.

Are you seeing the picture I’m painting?
The mountaintop does not come without sacrifice.

Being happily married does not come without sacrifice.

Maybe you could not relate to any of my cupboard slamming situations, but I am sure that there have been times in your life when you have "stewed" on things instead of giving them over to God.....MY feelings were hurt, what about ME???


I have often thought that if I could just get “me” out of the way, things would go so much better for me.

Yes, marriage is work, but I like to think about this verse when I consider the sacrifices that I have to make in my marriage.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good,
for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we
do not give up.
NIV



Isn’t that good news?! It’s not all dying and sacrifice…harvest comes! It’s our promise!
Just don’t give up! Oh please don’t give up.

Psalms 30:5
Weeping may go on all night,
but joy comes with the morning.
NLT

I think our nugget to hold on to this week is:
stop stewing!

Let it go, forgive! Yes, that can be hard work, but it's worth it.

A harvest of joy awaits.

I am praying for our marriages!


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35 Comments:

Blogger Denise said...

Bless you dear one, and you are so right. We need to quit stirring the pot and stewing in it. Thank you for this.

January 14, 2008 at 11:41 PM  
Blogger Denise C said...

You are so right...it is all about the choices we make...to let it go or stew on it!

I am guilty of stewing too....I'm ashamed to admit that like stewing.... it makes ME feel better.... but then my Father reminds me, that it is NOT about me! It's about the cross!!! It's about finding that perfect peace in the valleys when everything is torn away and all that is left is you and GOD....total and complete dependence upon Him, the One who knows me better than anyone else and loves me more than I can fathom this side of heaven....! Now that's LOVE!!!

He's blessed me with a precious husband to share life with. Almost 16 years of blissful marriage for us..... ;) He's the most patient and kind man, who lets me stew if I so choose! I grow deeper in love with my sweetie every single day.
Thanks for this very "real" post! You are so precious Sue and I just love your heart!

Blessings to you , my friend!

January 14, 2008 at 11:59 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Amen! Why don't men stew? We have been married for 18 years and we still deal with this difference. I hang on to things and he moves on. I am sure it has to do with how God wired men and women and there are other areas that men struggle but why is it so hard for women to let go?

January 15, 2008 at 6:08 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

Thank you so much for this today. We have been married for 19 years and there are times when I just cant let it go. I think women worry much more than men do and maybe that is why we keep "stewing" about things that happen in our marriages.

January 15, 2008 at 6:22 AM  
Blogger Mocha with Linda said...

Ok, I'm AWAKE now!! Nothing like a little jolt of reality in the morning. :-)

Reminds me of the old hymn from my childhood. . . "Lord send a revival and let it begin with me." How many times have I wanted it to begin with him!!

Thanks, Sue, for reminding us that happy marriages are indeed made of 3 little words: "Let it go".

Much love,
Linda

January 15, 2008 at 7:44 AM  
Blogger Linda said...

Sometimes, we need to put on the full armor of God--in marriage! It's a difficult path, but it's part of God's plan to make us holier. Great post.

January 15, 2008 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger Heather@Mommymonk said...

Sue, this is so fun! I didn't know you were doing this Tuesday thing, I might have to check it out! I loved Denise's comment about stirring the pot. We do know how to do that don't we?

January 15, 2008 at 8:35 AM  
Blogger MaryLu said...

Oh boy, I was, (often at times still am,) a slammer, and my cupboards, wooden spoons and pots and pans would show the effects of my stewing.
It is so hard to let go sometimes, we carry around with us a filing cabinet full of wrongs suffered, ready to pull them out and point the finger, "See you did such-and-such on this date, and now I'm mad at you all over again!"
Oh, why is it so hard to just turn the files over to God and not ever take them back?
Good words for today, thank you!

January 15, 2008 at 8:53 AM  
Anonymous Barbara H. said...

*Ouch!* That definition of stewing hit the nail on the head! I have been guilty of it too often. And it really doesn't help anything. These verses convict me evry time:

Colossians 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

January 15, 2008 at 9:29 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I used to create arguments in my mind. I would anticipate my husband's reactions before he even knew there was a problem. Poor guy got blind-sided more times that I care to count. Now I try to give him a fighting chance. And I try to work it out with God first. I do often wonder why it is so easy to hold onto the frustrations rather than giving them up to God.

January 15, 2008 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

I think this is a wonderful idea! With all the distractions in our lives, we must purpose to work at our marriages. It is so important!

January 15, 2008 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger Amy B said...

Awesome post, Sue! You are awesome!

January 15, 2008 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger Macromoments said...

Sue, I love your Mt. Everest analogy. I heard on the radio recently that Mt. Everest is growing at the rate of 2" per year, too. (How they know is beyond me...Who's measuring?)

What a well-written post. You blessed me today!

January 15, 2008 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Shalene said...

Hi Sue, I agree with you 100%. It's amazing that since I quit expecting some behavior or another from my husband, and taking the focus off what I want, the things I do want seem to come in a hundredfold!

I have another question for you. Would you consider making this a "carnival"? I think this would be a great carnival idea. Please forgive me if it is already, and I don't know it, but it didn't look as though it was. Anyway, if you do consider it, and think it's a good idea, I would love to contribute as well. Blessings to you!
Forever In Him.

January 15, 2008 at 12:14 PM  
OpenID etchedbystone said...

lol sometimes we just get so wrapped up in the "small stuff"...

You gotta give it a rest, and give it to G-d. I'm so blessed that my DH's a serious believer :)

happy trails
gp in montana
phil 4:13

January 15, 2008 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger lori said...

I've spent a few days stewing in soon to be 17 years...WHAT A COLOSSIAL waste of time...he never stews and sometimes THAT stews me...LOL
:)
What a wonderful message Sue...The Everest climb is such a powerful analogy...we are climbing...eventually reaching that summit...and it is not a ski lift...it's a LONG and WINDING road....

I keep this postcard on my board above my desk and I look at it and think of Scott...
"piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind
"Pooh" he whispered
"yes, piglet"
Nothing said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw,
"i just wanted to be sure of you."

marraige is tough work...
but the commitment of a lifetime....
now I don't STEW...I just simmer....:):)
I'm KIDDING...
I'm KIDDING!!!

great post Sue!!
hugs,
lori

January 15, 2008 at 12:28 PM  
Blogger windycindy said...

Thanks for your marriage prayers! I totally agree with your viewpoint! My husband and I have been married for 22 years and the longer the time, the more it seems like work! Cindi
jchoppes[at]hotmail[dot]com

January 15, 2008 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Beckyb said...

Powerful - thank you SO much - I needed to hear that today!!

January 15, 2008 at 12:54 PM  
Blogger Mel's World said...

Preach it sista! A Harvest of Joy awaits indeed but only those who are determined to never quit and to let some things go can make it.

Marriage DOES take sacrifice, and it does take work...ah, but the joy, the beauty, the sheer bliss that comes when two truly are one.

Thanks for the good word on STEWING...I think I might finally turn off my crock pot of emotions!

Love ya girl,
Melissa

January 15, 2008 at 1:02 PM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

I need this reminder in my life. I tend to hold grudges and stew for way too long. Even when I think I have put something behind me, when another thing comes up, I dig the first grievance back up. Even if I don't throw it back out there, it is there in the back of my mind. I am really trying to work on just letting go and letting God handle the situations in my life.

January 15, 2008 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger kdwhorses said...

Sue,
Thanks again for blessing us with your words. I am looking forward to next Tuesdays! My nannie used to always say "Marriage is a bed of roses with some thorns along the way" She and my grandaddy were married 74 years. They even passed away on the same day, just hours apart. Oh the things, I wished I had thought to ask them. Thank for your shining light.
God Bless,
Kris

January 15, 2008 at 1:46 PM  
Blogger Xandra said...

Oh yes...the stewing. And the slamming of doors. And the deep, drawn out sighs. *sigh*

It's so hard to let go of those things that we are hard wired in our sinful nature. Your comment about getting "me" out of the way is so true!

Thanks for your thoughtful words...

Xandra

January 15, 2008 at 2:56 PM  
Blogger Susan Kelly Skitt said...

Amen! I enjoy a good steak over a tough old stew any day - (smile). Great post my friend. Oh how I have stewed over things too. I'm glad God is the God of forgiveness and new beginnings. Praise Him!

January 15, 2008 at 3:57 PM  
Blogger Sherry said...

Loved your post and headed to your blog. I've got your links up and plan to join you Tuesday. :)
Thanks

January 15, 2008 at 4:10 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Sue, that was great!! STEWING, I love it. No I don't love to stew, I love that you came up with that:)Yes the rewards are awesome!! Forgiveness is key, saves on replacing cupboards, done that!! God Bless.

January 15, 2008 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger Linda said...

Thank you! thank you! thank you!What a powerful reminder that I needed today. I have been married 20 yrs and I know when I was a newlywed I thought for sure marriages had it all together by 20 yrs. Why for heaven's sake that is ancient! That's a lot of years to work things out yet after 20 yrs I still stew and act like a baby. Love the Mt. Everest application.
Looking forward your future posts.
Blessings,
Linda

January 15, 2008 at 5:51 PM  
Blogger Monkey Giggles said...

Outstanding!

January 15, 2008 at 6:14 PM  
Blogger Denise said...

Thanks for these encouraging words. You are very inspiring. I forget how I found this link, but it was a message I definitely needed to hear!

January 15, 2008 at 6:59 PM  
Blogger Ang baylis said...

I came over here to read about Lisa's Prodigal Beagle. I accidently came one day late and all I can say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I needed to read this more than you will ever know!!!!!! AMEN, to this post! I'm on my second marriage and it is very difficult. It's harder than the first one! I am not kidding! It could be so easy to run, but if I did I know without a doubt that Satan would be the only one to win. I am not going to quit and it's such a blessing to read a post like this one! Such a blessing and encouragement. The whole world needs to read this blog!

Sorry to ramble, can you tell I liked it?
Thanks again!
Love,
Angie xoxo

January 15, 2008 at 8:35 PM  
Blogger Praise and Coffee said...

Thanks for all your input! I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who stews!

God's doing a work in us all.

Much love,
Sue

January 15, 2008 at 9:21 PM  
Blogger Chris @ Come to the Table said...

Great post Sue! Blessings to you!

January 15, 2008 at 10:28 PM  
Blogger Bev Brandon said...

Have mercy on us, o good God for we all are curved in on ourselves, every one of us. But that's what He died for!

January 16, 2008 at 1:37 AM  
Blogger Darnelle said...

Hi Sue,
(Coming by late - computer issues all day yesterday.)
Why does it make us feel better, somehow, to know that we are not alone in our "stewing"? More than anything, most wives truly, truly want to be blissfully happy with that man of theirs, and yet most days find us miles from blissful... most days we'd be happy with just not being mad at them!
I guess we all learn the hard way that Christ is (should be) our ALL in ALL.
I am so thankful for His patience in this area. Marriage has been the vehicle that God has used to show me "the real me" many times.
We all could probably use this reminder a few times a week! Thank you Sue.
Darnelle

January 16, 2008 at 9:54 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I am working on my 32 anniversary coming up next month. And Yes! I have "STEWED" many, many times. When I just simmer for a bit and get over it, life seems so much easier. It's hard to let go and not have to "win" all the time. I'm to old to play games now and am glad to give it to God to handle. I needed your post 30 years ago!! HA HA! This was a great post and still helpful today. Thanks and God Bless!

January 17, 2008 at 11:50 AM  
Blogger -TNChick- said...

I've been married 14 and a half years... and I still have moments where I stew. I do forgive... sometimes it just takes longer than others. In those times, I pray more... I pray for myself because I know I shouldn't be stewing! I really enjoyed this post. Am glad I scrolled down to read it.

January 22, 2008 at 11:40 PM  

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