breath of heaven

It was almost 13 years to the day...
I was 9 months pregnant and due on January 8th, or so I thought.
I went to the doctor that morning and he calmly told me that I would be having a baby......................TODAY.

I remember that he would not let me go home. I had to go to the hospital, go directly to the hospital, DO NOT PASS GO.... :) and I remember what happened next...it is so clear to me.

I went to my car ~ a baby blue Ford Escort...it was a frigid day in Chicago, ice and snow covered the ground. That little car needed time to warm up, so I sat for a moment and waited ~
trying to compose myself...
I WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY!
Wow, I had prayed for years, endured fertility treatments that still make me shake my head in wonder...and FINALLY the day had come...not at all how I imagined it would be...

Scott was in downtown ~ had to get him here...
(he had a habit of missing those trains from downtown:))
Mom was not arriving until after Christmas and now she'd miss this...
I still had shopping to do....
I could not even PACK my own bag....

As I sat there in the car, a song came on the radio...
it wasn' t the first time I'd heard it, but the first time I HEARD it...


" I am waiting in a silent prayer. I am frightened by the load I bear. In a world as cold as stone, Must I walk this path alone? Be with me now ~
Breath of Heaven, hold me together, be forever near me...breath of heaven... Breath of Heaven, light in my darkness, pour over me your holiness, for you are Holy..."

In my hormonal state I sat there and CRIED...not sad tears, but for the first time in my life, I imagined Mary ~ and I imagined her hearing the plans for her and submitting out of faith. I am certain that when the angel told her she was going to carry GOD'S child, it was not what she had imagined for herself, nor was the donkey ride to Bethlehem or the stable in which HIS life would begin...she was faithful to the plans that were never hers in the first place....

nor were mine...

It was MY moment.... I have no idea how long I sat there, I eventually drove myself to the hospital ~ and had my beautiful miracle baby. I learned so much that day.....

THOSE words stayed with me...
and 5 years later, in another miracle from GOD, I found myself pregnant again at Christmas...(there was another birth in between, but she was a summer babe, guess God did not think that I could handle 3 at Christmas:) )

With 2 in tow to the Dr. late in the month...I was again in a car...actually a van, going to the doctor...
I was IMPATIENT! Both of my others had been early and surely this one would too...
I was anxious,
and fitful,
I had a plan, I was ready!
mom had been with us for WEEKS now, we had planned this ALL out
and
again HE placed in my life THAT SONG...and again, I cried.

This time, it brought me back to Mary and her patience. Patience with God's plan, not her plan...

and not my plan, but HIS plan...

I THOUGHT I had learned what I needed to 5 years earlier...
apparently not...
another timely message, from the same words.

So, as I prepare my heart this Christmas, I find myself dwelling on Mary...her obedience, her faithfulness and her patience. The lessons from a girl who faithfully said,

"I am the servant of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say." (Luke 1:38) lessons of a lifetime for me.

I still fall to pieces when I hear that song, especially if I happen to be in the car alone and can actually HEAR the words.
The messages were powerful to a Mary wanna be...
like me~

I love when HE does that! and twice! (that blows me away!!)

peace and blessings to you and yours this Christmas. The lessons found at the manger are so powerful, peek inside, linger awhile, it's the visit of a lifetime.

In HIM,

I'm always over here...
learning the lessons of life
come on over, you're always welcome.