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Friday, December 14, 2007

breath of heaven

It was almost 13 years to the day...
I was 9 months pregnant and due on January 8th, or so I thought.
I went to the doctor that morning and he calmly told me that I would be having a baby......................TODAY.

I remember that he would not let me go home. I had to go to the hospital, go directly to the hospital, DO NOT PASS GO.... :) and I remember what happened next...it is so clear to me.

I went to my car ~ a baby blue Ford Escort...it was a frigid day in Chicago, ice and snow covered the ground. That little car needed time to warm up, so I sat for a moment and waited ~
trying to compose myself...
I WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY!
Wow, I had prayed for years, endured fertility treatments that still make me shake my head in wonder...and FINALLY the day had come...not at all how I imagined it would be...

Scott was in downtown ~ had to get him here...
(he had a habit of missing those trains from downtown:))
Mom was not arriving until after Christmas and now she'd miss this...
I still had shopping to do....
I could not even PACK my own bag....

As I sat there in the car, a song came on the radio...
it wasn' t the first time I'd heard it, but the first time I HEARD it...


" I am waiting in a silent prayer. I am frightened by the load I bear. In a world as cold as stone, Must I walk this path alone? Be with me now ~
Breath of Heaven, hold me together, be forever near me...breath of heaven... Breath of Heaven, light in my darkness, pour over me your holiness, for you are Holy..."

In my hormonal state I sat there and CRIED...not sad tears, but for the first time in my life, I imagined Mary ~ and I imagined her hearing the plans for her and submitting out of faith. I am certain that when the angel told her she was going to carry GOD'S child, it was not what she had imagined for herself, nor was the donkey ride to Bethlehem or the stable in which HIS life would begin...she was faithful to the plans that were never hers in the first place....

nor were mine...

It was MY moment.... I have no idea how long I sat there, I eventually drove myself to the hospital ~ and had my beautiful miracle baby. I learned so much that day.....

THOSE words stayed with me...
and 5 years later, in another miracle from GOD, I found myself pregnant again at Christmas...(there was another birth in between, but she was a summer babe, guess God did not think that I could handle 3 at Christmas:) )

With 2 in tow to the Dr. late in the month...I was again in a car...actually a van, going to the doctor...
I was IMPATIENT! Both of my others had been early and surely this one would too...
I was anxious,
and fitful,
I had a plan, I was ready!
mom had been with us for WEEKS now, we had planned this ALL out
and
again HE placed in my life THAT SONG...and again, I cried.

This time, it brought me back to Mary and her patience. Patience with God's plan, not her plan...

and not my plan, but HIS plan...

I THOUGHT I had learned what I needed to 5 years earlier...
apparently not...
another timely message, from the same words.

So, as I prepare my heart this Christmas, I find myself dwelling on Mary...her obedience, her faithfulness and her patience. The lessons from a girl who faithfully said,

"I am the servant of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say." (Luke 1:38) lessons of a lifetime for me.

I still fall to pieces when I hear that song, especially if I happen to be in the car alone and can actually HEAR the words.
The messages were powerful to a Mary wanna be...
like me~

I love when HE does that! and twice! (that blows me away!!)

peace and blessings to you and yours this Christmas. The lessons found at the manger are so powerful, peek inside, linger awhile, it's the visit of a lifetime.

In HIM,



I'm always over here...
learning the lessons of life
come on over, you're always welcome.



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11 Comments:

Blogger Denise said...

Sweet, sweet blessings to you dear Lori.

December 14, 2007 at 12:29 AM  
Blogger Cahleen 何凱琳 said...

Wow, Lori! This was a great story! We're really all better off only focusing on God's plans. They're always so much better than ours!

December 14, 2007 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

This was a powerful post! I loved it. You did a good job on this one. I needed this today. Thanks and Merry CHIRSTmas to you.

December 14, 2007 at 7:16 AM  
Blogger Heather@Mommymonk said...

I loved bearing a child at this time of the year. It always made me feel closer to Mary somehow. My sweet boy's birthday is in a week - 2 days before we celebrate Christ's birth. Yes, Mary had to be patient and trust God's plans. Good wisdom for us moms today too!

December 14, 2007 at 8:57 AM  
Blogger Chris @ Come to the Table said...

Lori,
I loved this!! And the song gets me everytime too.
I learn so much from Mary's obedience and what she faced. Your words are absolutely beautiful!

December 14, 2007 at 9:03 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

This is a beautiful post Lori! So much of our life we waste actually being impatient and pondering the "what ifs". All of that time could be spent at His feet. This is a wonderful reminder. Thanks girl!

December 14, 2007 at 12:15 PM  
Blogger Darnelle said...

A beautiful picture of how very patient He is with us - always! Loved it. Thank you!

December 15, 2007 at 12:39 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

Great post. Oh, how I want to be more like Mary in my faith and obedience and how grateful I am that He is such a patient Father.

December 15, 2007 at 7:28 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

Lori, I have to say...I just came from your place and then was completely undone by reading your post. I have flooded eyes right now, trying to type keys I can barely see, with a bandaid on a sore finger...and an ache in my heart...knowing full well the words to this song...for I have heard that one before. I understand your feeling.
Bless you my sweet friend...

December 15, 2007 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger Tracy Berta-daughter to the King, wife, mother, speaker, writer said...

Lori, this was a BEAUTIFUL post! Thank you! I love this song, too. I have a "Christmas" baby- born on December 21st. I remember being so lonely in the hospital because we had moved to a new home, out of state, and didn't know many people yet........ But, our sweet Jesus brings so much comfort and peace, doesn't he?

Blessings and Merry Christmas!
Tracy

December 16, 2007 at 11:08 PM  
Blogger The Preacher's Wife said...

That song is just beautiful and I am with you on the crying part. I squall like a baby every time I hear it!

I'm behind on my reading but wanted you to know this touched me so much today. Much love to you Lori..:)

Lisa

December 18, 2007 at 9:22 PM  

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