Is anyone watching?

We have reached full toddlerhood in our home. Elliot, our youngest at 16 months, our easy, fit-into-our-family-with-no-effort baby, the joyful glue that brings his siblings together in caring for him, has become a bit....difficult. He loathes being changed. The writhing, squirming, fighting, kicking, and screeching that accompanies a new diaper and a box of wipes would easily get him accepted into a college-level wrestling program with full scholarship. He has begun pushing his older sister when she has something he wants, throwing food on the floor just for kicks, and displaying dissatisfaction with the slightest attempt at discipline.

A few days ago, when my mother (who's here to help during my bedrest) was horrible enough to take something away from him, he began wailing and crying and carrying on as if his life was ending. He threw himself on the floor, arms splayed, and with a thump dropped his forehead to the carpet.

Then, for a moment, he lifted his head to peek and make sure...

"Is she still watching?"

...and, seeing that she was, continued his tirade.

Oh, my, is that our human nature so obviously rearing its head in our little sweet boy?

I have to admit that I did the unthinkable and laughed. Maybe it's because this time I am not in control of the discipline- it doesn't work very well from the couch. And yet his tantrum and obvious desire for attention got me to thinking.

I am prone to doing the same thing.

When I am frustrated, disappointed, angry, annoyed, I want someone to notice. I try and hide my emotions for a time but they will inevitably make their way to the surface and I know you'll agree with me when I say that there's no satisfaction in throwing a tantrum by yourself. I'd much rather have a sympathetic ear, someone that clicks their tongue in understanding, to keep me company at my pity party.

But maturity brings a different view. Sure, we have friends, spouses, family to lend an ear if we need it and God can certainly use them for comfort, healing and encouragement. But what does the scripture say about airing our grievances?

I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy.
I spill out all my complaints before him,
and spell out my troubles in detail.

Psalm 142:1-2

Ahhhh, now doesn't that feel better?

I receive so much more reward when I lay out my list of complaints before God instead of those around me. I receive refreshment, perspective, grace, relief, love and a new start. It is tempting to complain to others, and I do still fall into that trap, but it often will leave me feeling more lousy than before I vented my frustrations and will most likely leave the hearer with some of my negativity as well. God is the healer. God is the author of forgiveness. God is my creator and knows my thoughts before I even give them voice. With Him I find acceptance and accountability and can leave His feet with a renewed sense of peace.

Elliot, I hope, will learn this lesson too. If I do my job, I'll be able to point him in the direction of the one who is always watching, no matter how badly we act, and willing to pick up our pieces and recraft them into a new creation time and time again. His toddler tantrums will eventually be a thing of the past, so I can snicker a bit now, but as he matures Elliot will learn of the One who loves him enough to listen to his complaints and turn the time of sharing into a relationship with Him.