Lather, Rinse, Repeat

“Are you ready to wash?”

Eliana giggles and eagerly begins handing me bath toys, her pudgy little fingers grasping the foam letters and passing them to me as I reach up and deposit them in a mesh bag. When I reach over to the pump that holds her baby wash, she giggles again and holds her arms close to her body, her hands beneath her chin. While I lather my hands together, she watches intently, and when I reach out for her, she is ready.

She offers her arm to me freely, curiously eyeing the bubbles as they drip into the water, her delighted eyes gazing into mine; so trusting, so innocent. She is not ashamed to be naked, nor is she embarrassed at her “filth”. All she knows is that it is time to be clean.

When I lay her on her back to rinse her hair in the water, she responds to my quiet, “Be still,” and relaxes her body into the warm soapy water. And when I wrap her in her fluffy towel, we linger and watch the water as it circles the drain, and finally washes away. “Bye-bye!” I whisper, eliciting yet another delighted giggle from my baby.

"It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.

The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, 'Lord, are you going to wash my feet?'

Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'
'No,' said Peter, 'you shall never wash my feet.'
Jesus answered, 'Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.'
'Then, Lord,' Simon Peter replied, 'not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!'" (John 13:1-17)

To receive the full extent of His love, we must allow Him to wash us.

But.

I approach the basin timidly, covering myself in shame. I pull out of His grasp, resisting mentally, emotionally, and physically. I feel guilt and humiliation at the extent of my filth, and I’m even unsure that this washing will truly bring about the change He desires. I do not offer my arms freely. I disregard His gentle words, “Be still,” and continue to slip out of His grasp.

And the worst part? I’ll be back here again tomorrow, Lord, and I just can’t stand that. What is the point, if I’m only going to roll in my sin again?

Lather, rinse, repeat. Again and again and again. This is the part that holds me back from being cleansed – the fact that it is repeated daily. The defeat I feel when I’m back in that place again, kneeling next to the basin, eyeing the water and the towel that wait to wash me anew. Knowing it is a never ending, heartbreaking process.

But when I washed my baby girl, I did not think of the dirt she would accumulate the next day. I was concerned only with the task at hand. Clean the filth of this day, and this day only, from my beloved.

And so it is with our Father as well. Beloved, let me wash the sin of this day away. No, don’t remind me of yesterday. I don’t want to talk about tomorrow. Be still, and I will make this day new.

Later, as I dressed Eliana in her soft, fuzzy pajamas, I thought upon this passage –

"For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust." (Psalm 103:11-14)

It is not my job to keep track of my transgressions, not when they’ve been washed away, albeit daily, by the Man with the basin and the towel. He knows how I am formed, that I am merely dust, and dust needs washing. I needn’t be a squirming, squalling baby while He is in the process of washing away the grime of my sin.

And so I offer up my sin-laden body to Him. I look into His eyes, allowing delight to race over my countenance as He washes me clean. I shall trust in my heart that He will never remind me of my filth, nor will He dredge up the sin that He has removed and thrown away from me as far as the east is from the west.

I want to stand in the shelter of His arms, wrapped in His love, and watch my filth circling the drain, then washing away.

And...

...repeat.