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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I WILL NOT LET HIM WIN!

Accusation.
It stops you in your tracks!
Like a sharp knife being thrust into your stomach!
That's how it feels!

Yes.
That's how it feels.

The accuser. Satan.
He's looking for that opportunity to...
Attack. Defeat.
Sidetrack...
Accuse!

That is exactly what he has been doing.
I barely even recognized it for what it was
until I found myself in a heap on the floor.


Almost defeated.
Crying.
Saying, "I quit".

I am not the one to lead a small group of college girls.
I am not the one to meet with a college girl on Tuesdays.
I am not the one.
I am not qualified.
I am a hypocrite.
I have not responded well to life's challenges lately.
Withdraw into your home...
into yourself.
Quit.

I often feel guilty for FEELING.
For feeling sad about life's circumstances...
when God is Sovereign.
For feeling angry at injustice...
when God is in control.
For feeling lonely and longing for fellowship...
when God has not provided it.
For feeling hesitant about the future...
when I know that God has it all planned out.
For feeling overwhelmed and like I've had too much...
when I know God says He won't give us more than we can handle.
For feeling, at times, like what I have is not enough...
when God says He will withhold no good thing from me.
For feeling...


Then comes guilt
and accusations...

While reviewing the book of Acts,
and thinking about the disciples
and what kind of men they were,
some verses stood out to me.
It was like they were placed on a billboard
with neon lights!

They said this:

Acts 4:8,13
"Then Peter,
filled with (and controlled by)
the Holy Spirit...
Now when they saw the boldness
and unfettered eloquence
of Peter and John
and perceived that they were
UNLEARNED AND UNTRAINED
in the schools (common men with no education)
they marveled;
and they
RECOGNIZED THAT THEY HAD BEEN
WITH JESUS."

The disciples were:
Imperfect. Sinful.
Simple. Untrained.
They doubted. They fought among themselves.
They were prideful.
One of them even denied Christ in His darkest hour!

Was it right?
No!

But God used them anyway.

He chose to fill them with His spirit
and enabled them to speak with
"boldness and unfettered eloquence"!
He used them.

As I wrestle with my feelings
and then choose to offer them up to Him.


Repent...when necessary.
Submit.
YET...STILL FEEL
He chooses to fill me and use me.

I am so grateful.
What a mystery!




You can visit Gina at her personal blogs:

Chats With An "Old Lady"



and

Bearing Burdens

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15 Comments:

Blogger Denise said...

Great post.

February 11, 2009 at 12:34 AM  
Blogger Shannon Jacobyansky said...

A great post today! I have been struggling with this very subject. I must remember when Satan knocks and fills my head with lies; I need to take each thought captive and give it to the Lord and praise Him even amidst the storm!

February 11, 2009 at 5:50 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I find that if I would allow it, satan would keep me beat down with everything I feel. It seems as if he tries to make me rationalize every feeling I have is wrong and goes against how God would have me to live.
I, too, have to remind myself that God used many sinful, imperfect people--because that's ALL there is--to fulfill His will.
Thanks for the reminder!!

February 11, 2009 at 7:19 AM  
Blogger Mrs.Naz@BecomingMe said...

Yhank you for this. It really resonated.

February 11, 2009 at 8:31 AM  
Blogger mom2six said...

Just where I am today! Thanks for the encouragement.

February 11, 2009 at 8:38 AM  
Blogger you gotta wonder said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing. This touches me. I have been feeling much the same. I'm in the middle of an Esther study and I am reminding myself several times a day that God has prepared me for just this time and place and He will not abandon me here. I am doing His work. I trust in Him and not myself, and that is okay.

Bless you.

February 11, 2009 at 9:25 AM  
Blogger Darnelle said...

Well, I feel as if I've just "had church!" Today you preached it. Today you threw out some truth - good old, Holy Ghost truth! And many of us needed it. Awesome word, Sister. Awesome word. Thank you.

February 11, 2009 at 10:10 AM  
Blogger Susan Storm Smith said...

Powerful writing and able to acknowledge our need for God hourly!
Thanks so much for sharing the struggles of so many!

February 11, 2009 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger Lauren Ann said...

great post!

Lauren Ann

February 11, 2009 at 3:13 PM  
Blogger Today's Christian Mom~ said...

What a wonderful post! This is exactly where I am and I just wrote about it for my column that comes out this Friday.

http://www.takerootandwrite.com/columns_single_moms/index.html

Thank you for reminding me I am not alone and I am not the only person that is not perfect!

February 11, 2009 at 3:29 PM  
OpenID alittleilife said...

Why is it so easy to forget who Our Father is, and that He can handle ANYTHING???

Thanks for the post.

February 11, 2009 at 9:02 PM  
Blogger micey said...

I so needed to hear this. Thanks!

February 11, 2009 at 9:08 PM  
Anonymous Promise In My Pocket, God's Word on the Go... said...

Perfect imperfection. Thank you for sharing yourself - I needed that. Ann

February 11, 2009 at 11:19 PM  
Blogger Susan D. said...

Thanks, Gina. We all need to be reminded of where those negative feelings of unworthiness come from. Great post.

February 12, 2009 at 8:49 AM  
Blogger Rona's Home Page said...

I also needed to read this post. I've been feeling guilty due to having great jobs, income and a home.
I didn't realize that I was feeling unworthy till my husband brought it to my attention.
I will continue to do the goodworks, tidings and daily prayers, in the honor of our Heavenly Father.
He has blessed us and I shouldn't be disrespecting it.

February 12, 2009 at 10:50 AM  

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