Internet Cafe

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Cafe Chat - January 10th

First of all, I want to say thank you to all that participated in answering last week’s meme question. I think we set a record. Well, as promised I want us to dive a little deeper with each other through this meme, so today’s question should help us to do just that.

NOTE: This week’s question is going to be very personal, and perhaps hard to share, so if you would like please make sure to post your answer, but you can do it anonymously. If you post anonymously we will still get the opportunity of learning from each other, but you still have your privacy if you would like it that way. On the other hand, if you feel led in freedom to post using your name that would be great as well.

What is one thing that you feel you cannot share with another person about yourself? (You think if they knew this one thing or struggle that they may not accept you).

**Only share information that you feel is not crossing the line with the Lord. I know there are things that are just to be between us and the Lord, or us, the Lord and our spouse, but there is much out there that we are carrying around that needs to be shared with other brothers and sisters in Christ**

If you are on the other side of this already, and have shared some information with someone that you felt wouldn’t accept you; what happened when you shared the information?

I know this is a lot to take on, but I want to see what answers we get this week, and we will do a couple of follow up questions in the weeks to come. We need transparency with the body of Christ, and maybe we can start here at the Café, and help each other in the process.

Be brave sweet friends, God wants us to be free …



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Blogger micey said...

Just discovered the chat! Love it!

January 10, 2009 at 1:45 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

I struggle with this particular conception quite a bit, i actually did a blog titled Would they like me...the feeling of if people knew the real you would they see you as a fraud.

It is never one particular issue that I wonder if people knew, I think it is that whole idea that somehow I am so different and strange that no can like me for me.

January 10, 2009 at 4:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When my first husband and I separated, and subsequently divorced, I began living a rather wild lifestyle. While I'm not necessarily embarrassed about the few partners I had, I am embarrassed that I became pregnant and had an abortion. Now I do believe that people have a right to choose what is right for their own bodies after having the all important conversations with the Lord, but it's not for me to judge anyway. However, being a rather reverent person now, I feel like it is something I NEVER should have done: the life I was leading was not one that I should have been participating in and the whole thing was a disaster. I'm truly ashamed!

Despite knowing that God is my Judge, the only Judge that matters, and He has forgiven me, I cannot still bring myself to do it! I know that God has forgiven me and I experienced an amazing rebirth in the Lord but really - admitting to having had an abortion to ANYONE outside my safe conversations with the Lord is really impossible for me. I absolutely cannot discuss it with anyone...

January 10, 2009 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger Shannon Jacobyansky said...

I tried to post this earlier, but I couldn’t get it to accept because I was over the word maximum. So I sat counting the words in the post and discovered it wasn’t over, but every time I tried to send it, it wouldn’t accept. Finally, after several tries, I gave up thinking God must not want me to share. I did some daily prayer and study time with the Lord and felt maybe it wasn’t God, but Satan who didn’t want me to post. I’m trying this again we’ll see what happens.

I was diagnosed about five years ago with depression and a chemical imbalance. As a Christian, it is hard to swallow that you need to be on medication on a daily basis to counteract the serotonin deficiency in you body. Often society puts a stigma on people who suffer from this sometimes debilitating frame of mind. I’ve heard some say about others who have depression, “just get over yourself and find the joy of the Lord.”

As a result of answer like these, I am reluctant to tell others about my depression. I have to be sure the circle of trust would not be broken before I let me secret escape. But to my surprise, each time I have shared with my fellow sisters in Christ, I am met with hugs and not harshness, understanding and not ugly words, and most of all love.

I have come to realize each time I share I open myself up to be a more real person to others. I hold firm to the scripture in Romans 8:28 which states God works all together for the good. Maybe…just maybe…God is using this obstacle in my life to reach others through the Holy Spirit to know Jesus.

January 10, 2009 at 11:51 AM  
Blogger Wife of Rob said...

As an active member of a very large church, and being that I am involved in various ministries in the church, I have always worried that if people understood just how hard that I struggled with the area of forgiveness, they may not want to be around me. I appreciate this question and am very thankful that you asked it. The Lord deals with me heavily in this area, since it's been struggle in my life for a very long time. Unforgiveness can cause roots of bitterness to take hold, which is the last thing that I want. Again, thank you for asking this question. I could do about 80 follow up posts on nothing but this issue!

January 10, 2009 at 3:53 PM  
Blogger Deanna said...

Well first I would like to recommend that the anonymous poster might want to read the book Broken into Beautiful, as it might provide some help for her in this area.

Now for the thing I tend not to share with anyone, and only few people have ever heard me share this as it still has some power over me. For years I have carried lots of shame over something that was out of my control entirely but I felt like if people found out that they would turn their backs on me and decide I was not worth liking, loving, or even being around. You see I found out at 18 that I was born of incest. Well that shattered everything for me. Caused my already shaky self-esteem to totally up and leave and over the years it drove me into depression, I isolated from everyone and everything until in 2005 I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety disorder and Depression. However I have been med free for over a year now.

The few people that I have told over the years, did not respond as I thought they would. Those were the lies of the devil although my greater fear is that somehow the general population would find out and it would be held against me. Or that my church family as a whole would find out and it would change how they accepted me. However I don't feel at liberty to share to really break that fear as lately I have been trying to get my mom to attend church with me and don't want people judging her for it.

January 11, 2009 at 1:49 AM  
Blogger Reesa said...

thanks for your testimonies and encouraging words.

The thing I don't tell many people about is that I wonder what my life would be like if I'd not married or had children. Sometimes I wonder if I ever should have. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for my 4 healthy children and my fantastic husband, but there are times I'd love to change my decisions. I have gone so far as to imagine and plan "the life that could have been."

I feel badly and even guilty about these thoughts because I know that my current life could be worse. I understand that these are gift from God and he has a plan, but there are days I'd love to go back and check into the Other Life.

January 11, 2009 at 11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bless all you dear ladies that are responding! I do truly mean that but sometimes I feel like a fake. Or maybe it is just Satan trying to ruin a testimony. At the end of the day, when I am thinking about all the things I've done or said to my family/friends/strangers/fellow bloggers, I get this nagging thought in the back of my mind that maybe everything was not sincere and strictly for God's Glory. I try to do/say things that I feel I am lead to do by the Holy Spirit, but I still struggle with this daily and have not felt comfortable sharing with anyone. When I pray about it, a temporary peace comes over me, but the next day the doubt is there again. I need VICTORY over this!

January 11, 2009 at 12:33 PM  
Blogger Toknowhim said...

Just wanted to stop and say thank you to all that have shared this week. You have encouraged me so much, especially since you have answered a very challenging question this week.

To the first Anonymous post... I so know there are so many women that share your secret. Thanks for being brave and sharing with us this week. May God bless you as you open your heart to others...

Also, to the last anonymous post, I totally know what you are talking about...Although, I think this type of thinking has been really good for me...deep thinking, getting to the heart of why I do things...It can be a stronghold for me that turns into obsessive thinking. I need God every step of the way to instruct me in the way that I should think and go. Please feel free to stop and visit me at my personal blog anytime (any of you, please feel free to come and visit)

Blessings, and thanks so much for your participation this week.


January 11, 2009 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger life is a blessing said...

Now that I have figured out how the chat part works I can be a part - yay!

Thank you ladies for sharing these things, I too deal with depression and I am using medication to help me. I know one day the Lord will heal me of this and I will no longer need the medication.

I do not feel that I can share how sensitive I am. I think this goes along with the depression, but my feelings get hurt at the silliest things. I know in my head that I am usually overreacting, but my heart hurts from it. I am scared to say anything to even my best of friends, because I don't want them to feel like they can't joke around me or be themselves.

Every night I ask God to take the sensitivity away and I know that He will. I praise Him because I know that as much as things might hurt me, I know that He loves me no matter what, Thank God!

January 11, 2009 at 3:48 PM  
Blogger Cristine said...

Okay, Kim... I was brave and got my post up. Better late than never!

God Bless!

January 11, 2009 at 8:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that i have a hard time forgiving. I have a brother that did things to me when i was young that was very hurtful and wrong. It is very hard when people brag about what a great christian he is I want to yell you don't know him like i do. he still acts like he is mr perfect. when i know the other side the side that is still mean and hateful. i tried to forgive and then something happens and it is so hard. I know God says to foregive but how do you do that when someone has hurt you so much?

January 11, 2009 at 8:21 PM  
Blogger Norma said...

One thing I have come to realize is that the "character flaws" I think I am hiding from others are really not hidden at all - they can see them better than I can sometimes. I often feel like if people really knew me, they would not like me, but feeling this way only causes a division between me and my spiritual brothers and sisters.

January 11, 2009 at 8:23 PM  
Blogger Deanna said...

Norma, I would say that most of us struggle with this one. I know I do. I have one friend who works to hold me accountable and remind me that my problems do not make me so different from anyone else. And that she does know me and she does like me.

There is nothing new under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

January 11, 2009 at 9:24 PM  
Blogger Deanna said...

Life is a blessing, I too struggle with being overly sensitive and have found that honesty truly is the best policy. I would recommend finding a time when you are not hurting and tell your friends then matter of factly, and they will probably be most glad that you shared and will be a little more mindful of what they say, and help you to see that they don't intend to be hurtful, and when I did this it helped to strengthen my friendships as they were able to help me begin the process of working through it.

January 11, 2009 at 9:27 PM  
Anonymous Angie Ellis said...

I feel like in the last two years the Lord has really taught me how to love my children. It sounds awful. . .I stay home with my kids, I homeschool, how could I not love my kids? I think, though, that He has just broken some deep selfishness in my life that allows me to love them in such a new way, it is almost like I didn't love them before.

January 11, 2009 at 10:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have come to realize that I have to hide the fact that my husband smokes. People have actually said he cannot be a Christian if he does this. I thought God judged us by what comes from our hearts..our actions towards others and how we reflect him. My husband is a Christian, why is obesity, rx drugs for depression etc ok but not this? I struggle with these comments and sentiments on a daily basis. I have to come back to how many of the people who are treated for anxiety would smoke if they got cut off from rx's? I kill myself cleaning and trying to keep the smell out and the evidence cleared away, why should I have to do this? he smokes outside or in our bedroom so as not to cause health issues for every one. Does any body have any positive thoughts on this?

January 12, 2009 at 9:46 AM  
Blogger Toknowhim said...

To Anonymous (about forgiveness)... Oh, although I am not in your position, I am sure that it must be so hard to see your brother act one way in front of others and you know him to be different. Although I am not in your situation, I do know that forgiving someone is more about our freedom than it is theirs.. God wants us to forgive because He forgave us, and at the same time it frees us up to live the life God wants us to live. There are so many good books and Christian speakers out there that talk about forgiveness... I have never read the book, but R.T. Kendall has a book out there (Total Forgiveness..I think that is the title) that I have heard is a good book on forgiving...Hope this helps a little, and stay connected to God as you walk through this process...

Angie Ellis... No your comment doesn't sound awful at all... I think we can only love so much in our human state, but God is Love, and when He loves through you than it is the best, most pure love. I need God to work through me to love my kids better everyday..

To the last Anonymous... My husband who has been a Christian for a long time, just stopped smoking about 6 months ago. Smoking is an outward sin, like many outward sins (my overeating). When I was younger, my husband's smoking embarrased me to death... I didn't really want people to know, but that is because I cared what people thought and how they would judge me... I was in sin myself.. There will always be people that judge us for one thing or another. We should care about what God thinks more than what people think...on the other hand we are here to help each other when we are struggling... Take everything you are feeling and pour it out to God in prayer. Thanks for sharing this week.

Dear Chatter... Just want you to know that I am not an authority on any subject we have talked about... I just share and try to encourage you all the best way I know how... I could get things wrong at times, but I press onto know God more and grow in Him more each day.

Thanks for sharing this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


January 12, 2009 at 2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How interesting that this is the topic of the week. Actually, on Friday I was musing on this topic. I had just been to the dr for help in sleeping. I am also on meds for depression. He gave me a new med to try - telling me that sometimes meds are given for a reason other than the intended use.... but because of things I have told him, this drug might be a good fit for me. It's an antipsychotic drug. He says I have shown symptoms of psychosis. How, can I, a "normal" person(to me), a Bible study teacher, a school teacher, a wife, a mother, etc. have a psychosis? What would people thnk if they knew that sometimes I have heard conversations in my head - not the Holy Spirit speaking, not my conscience, not God - but people talking to each other. I just thought my brain was bored and invented entertainment! How can I be effective in ministry, in teaching, in life if I have a psychotic condition??? What would people think? Also, what would they think if they knew I often have negative thoughts about myself and verbally say them aloud when I am alone? I'm fat. I'm worthless. No one needs me. etc. I know it's false, in God's eyes, but to me, they are true...... JD

January 12, 2009 at 7:12 PM  
Blogger Toknowhim said...


Thank you for being so brave and sharing your comment... There are situations that don't have an easy answer, but I do believe that God doesn't want us to walk in darkness and secrecy and struggle all alone... That is why we have each other. I hope so that there is someone you are close to that will share this journey with you.

Praying for you JD.. Keep seeking HIM!!!

January 14, 2009 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger micey said...

Hi JD,

Don't forget we live in a fallen, broken world where we are falling apart physically until the day we die. I know that goes for the chemistry in our bodies as well. You have no reason to feel ashamed. Your condition is a medical condition, it is not something you are doing wrong as far as faith goes. Diabetics have a chemistry problem, hypothyroidism is a chemistry problem. The body runs on a delicate system of hormones and chemicals and they have to all be in sync in order for us to be well. I hope and pray you find peace from the Lord in this struggle. His peace passes all understanding!

January 16, 2009 at 9:02 PM  

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