Standing on the Edge of Peace
To call me edgy would be somewhat of an understatement. The past few days have shown that me that all of civilization is annoying and I am the only sane and rational person left. Okay, maybe I have somewhat of an unrealistic view of myself and the world surrounding me.
The truth is that I am wearing a large red button with a sign that taunts, “Go ahead. Just try pushing my big red button!” Whether it’s my child “forgetting” to clean his room, a long wait in the Walmart checkout lane or my husband questioning my dinner choice, I am a walking time bomb, waiting for someone to bump into me and challenge my patience.
I could blame it on hormones. However, being only 33 years of age, I can’t exactly throw out the suggestion of menopause and the timing just isn’t quite right for PMS. Although, I have to admit, the thought that I could blame any flare up of irritation on hormones is enormously appealing.
Truth is…if I care to come clean with myself. The truth is I am tired. I have nothing left.
I am so weary of people begging for my attention. Everyone wants a piece of me. I feel like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, bits of me scattered here and there, wondering how to put myself back together.
My kids? What don’t they want from me? “Where’s my lunch?” “Elijah hit me!” “Why do we need a bath?” “Mom, I wet my bed.”
My husband? He walks in the door and says the ugly words I’ve come to resent, “what’s to eat?”
My friends? “Can you babysit my kid while I run to the store?” “I need your advice.”
Oh, for the love!!! I am worn out. Finished. I have nothing left, world! Stop talking to me. Leave me alone. I am tired. So tired.
I just want peace.
Peace from the demands of my life. Peace from schedules, dirty clothes, troubled friends, high energy kids, busy husband, vacuuming, dusting, noise, conflicts. The list goes on and on and I am pretty sure that there aren’t enough trees in this world to list all the things I may need peace from.
I love the enlightening definition of peace:
“a calm and quiet state, free from disturbances or noise, a state of mental calm and serenity, with no anxiety, freedom from conflict or disagreement among people or groups of people.”
Peace. The thought of it almost drives me to a utopian state of mind. Imagine an existence without noise, anxiety, conflict and disagreement!
How is it possible to “cook” up this type of life? One ingredient: Jesus.
When my mind and emotions suffer from a lack of peace, I know it’s because my mind and emotions are not aimed directly at Jesus. I’ve left Jesus behind and tried to tackle life my own way, with my own strength. Lack of patience with others, frustration with situations, difficulty loving friends and annoyance at my family are all symptoms of a greater problem…my relationship with Jesus.
Isaiah 26:3 “you will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.”
When my mind is set on Jesus, when my heart is focused on God’s will for my life, when I am determined to live life God’s way, the world around me falls away in view of heaven. All of these irritations in my life mean nothing in comparison with Jesus and what He did for me on the cross.
And to tell you the truth, I am pretty sure that in about 2 weeks from now, I won’t even remember that my husband was an hour late coming home for dinner.
But, what will matter 2 weeks from now is how I responded to him when he walked in the door after all the dinner dishes had been clean up.
“Lord Jesus, you will keep me in perfect peace when I keep my eyes focused on you. I am determined to trust in you, believing that my edginess will be replaced by peace as you give me the strength to lovingly distribute your grace to those around me.”