Internet Cafe

Friday, December 12, 2008


We've all heard the phrase--"SHE wears the PANTS in THAT family!" We shake our heads and talk about how controlling THAT woman is. We wonder how she can be that way and how her husband can let her do it.

Every time a woman complains and is discontent with her "prince"...
or corrects or criticizes him...
or tells him what to do...
or interrupts him...
She is controlling!

I see it so clearly in others, but the truth of the matter is...

I am a controller. I wear the pants in my family.
It's a part of who I am.
It's a part of EVERY woman.

The Word of God tells us that ALL women want to "wear the pants" in the family! All of us want to be in control!

Genesis 3:16 tells us of the consequences of the fall of man. It tells us that because the woman usurped her authority that she would "want to control her husband, but he will dominate you.”

So the truth is that we, as women, are ALL controllers...It is the a part of "the curse"!

So if it is a part of who we are--what can we do about it?

When I see OTHER women being controlling it motivates me to work harder at NOT being that way! When I see the ugliness of it--it causes me to cry out to God and confess my own rebellion and pride! Only as I cry out to the Lord in repentance and depend on Him and His strength am I able to CHOOSE to not be an overbearing and controlling wife. But...I must see my need.
I must be able to acknowledge that I am a controller and that I need help.

I must ALLOW MYSELF TO BE CONTROLLED by the holy spirit and choose...minute by minute. Situation by situation! I need to allow my husband to lead lead my lead in the church.

I need to crucify that part of me that is controlling!

Romans 12:1 "Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship."

I need to WORSHIP GOD by choosing NOT to be controlling.
And when I do that...
He is seen.
And He is glorified!
1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Peter 4:11 "If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

"Oh, Father! Please open our eyes that we would see the ways in which we are controlling, overbearing women. I pray that You would enable us to glorify YOU in the way in which we interact with our husbands. I pray that we would CHOOSE to be godly women who CHOOSE to treat our husbands with respect, not just because they deserve it...but because it's what YOU desire...even when they DON'T deserve it! Amen."

(You can visit Gina at her personal blog: Chats With An "Old Lady")

Labels: ,


OpenID christinnjon said...

The one thing that I have learned as I give up control is humility. The world today frowns upon wives who submit to their husbands...they think we're weak. However, quite the opposite is true! It takes a woman of strength to give up control to her husband and be submissive. Any woman can allow her "natural" (sinful) desire to be controlling overtake her husband, but it takes REAL self-denial and REAL work of the Holy Spirit to give this up for a higher purpose.
Excellent word this morning, thank you!

December 12, 2008 at 6:50 AM  
Blogger Celeste said...

thank you for this blog! I really enjoyed it... and how true it is! Have a blessed day!

December 12, 2008 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Oh Wow! I thought that was just MY family trait! What a relief to know it is a widespread curse! Not that we don't need to work on it but...thanks for the revelation.

December 12, 2008 at 7:20 AM  
Blogger a woman found said...

Gina you're right on. It's all of us, not just the stand out "wear the pants in the family types," we all seek to control our husbands in our natural fallen state. One of the hardest things for me to grasp was that I was being that controlling woman not by saying, "Jump" and him responding "how high?" but by being manipulative in a doormatish way. The Spirit had to teach me that using crying and pouting and a "martyrdom" attitude to control my husband was just as much being a "wears the pants in the family" woman as the other women I was judging around me. I thought for so long I was being submissive, but really I was being controlling and manipulative. The respect and quiet confidence that doesn't compete with my husband for the reigns but surrenders all to Jesus came only when I finally aggreed with God that my way was wrong! He's been faithful daily to teach me how to be a strong woman with a gentle and quiet spirit by keeping my eyes on Jesus not on my husband.

I'm still a work in progress and when I let that old dead me drag me down I hate the controlling woman I become... Lord help us to keep our eyes on You!


December 12, 2008 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger Jennifer Dukes Lee said...

Great perspective on this. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

December 12, 2008 at 8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What advice can you give to a woman who:
-After a lifetime of legalism has a new relationship with Christ
-Has a longstanding marriage with a husband who is a nominal Christian
-Has no idea what godly submission looks like in everyday life, having never witnessed it
-has a husband who refuses to lead, who operates purely on mood rather than on any kind of principle, and who, because of his general directionless-ness doesn't even have an idea where the family should go?

I'm not asking this in order to provide some sort of excuse for not submitting. I want to become a godly wife. I just don't have a clue how to submit in this situation. Practically speaking, what does it look like? What should I do? I welcome any and all help on the subject!

December 12, 2008 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger Gina@Chats With An "Old Lady" said...

Dear Anonymous,
Would you be willing to email me? I'd be happy to "talk" with you!
you can email me here:

December 12, 2008 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

This is right on... I hadn't really thought of it as part of the curse in quite some time. God had convicted me in this area about 4 years ago and it has been life changing. Here are a few nuggets that I learned:

1) My children will learn how to rebel against authority by the way I rebel against my husbands. Ouch.

2) If I want my husband to grow in God in the big things I must trust him in the small things. Examples (dressing the baby, not 2nd guessing how her parents, etc.) Mathew 25: 14-30 Parable of the Talents

3)My plan may be better but my husbands plan will be blessed. I'll take the blessing. Example (mud in your eye to cure blindness) Anyone know the address to this story?

4) I was made to birth his dreams. I had to ask myself if I even knew what his dreams were. I was a dream masher as his dreams weren't practical. Who ever had a practical dream.

5) I was made to be his helpmate not the other way around. Remember ladies this is earned. He is not going to trust you with his heart till you have proved yourself in the small things. Example (Can you get me a drink, make me a sandwich, come to bed, etc.) If we say do it yourself these small things why would he ask us to carry his heart, team with him is ministry, etc.

That's all my nuggets for now.

December 12, 2008 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Great post, Gina! This is an area I struggle from time to time, but I so want to be the woman God wants me to be. Thanks for your words and your message.

December 12, 2008 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

I want to give hope to the anonymous new christian with the directionless husband. I am not a new Christian but I was where you are 4 years ago. Remember you have probably married your oposite. This means that if you are an assertive, list making, make it happen kinda of gal you probably married a laid back, take it as it comes kind of man. This is his strength. He will not lead in an overt overbearing kind of way and the more you presure him to lead the more he will retreat. My husband has always been the leader I just didn't see it. Hopefully the nuggets I just shared will help now that you can see them in the prospective of the kind of man I have. I also wanted to say that God showed me that I was NOT to question if his leadership was God breathed. As long as my Husband wasn't asking me or my kids to be in direct defiance of God's word (rob a bank) I was to submit. This doesn't mean that I don't give my opinion. It just means I ask him if and when I can give it and then I drop it and only talk to God about it.

December 12, 2008 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger karin said...

Excellent post and comments here today! Sometimes a husband will not bother to provide leadership and direction only because that role is already taken by his wife. My husband DELEGATED me to be responsible for and provide leadership in certain areas in our family. Now that is not usurping his role, but following his direction. He seeks my advice and input ~ sometimes he takes and sometimes he leaves it! That's his choice. The same passage that talks about the wife submitting to her husband, also speaks about submitting to one another. The only person I should control, should be me!

December 12, 2008 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger LauraLee Shaw said...

Incredible wisdom as usual. Thanks for ministering!

December 12, 2008 at 11:26 AM  
Anonymous Willow said...

Ouch. This one hurts because I see me all over it.

December 12, 2008 at 11:29 AM  
Blogger Kennisha Hill said...

WOW! What an incredible post today! Thanks so much for sharing this with the blog world! My prayer is the one you wrote out! I give ya three thumbs up and a loud AMEN!


December 12, 2008 at 12:20 PM  
Blogger Denise said...

Bless you for this sweetie.

December 12, 2008 at 1:58 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

Isn't it amazing that He has set us free from the curse of control.
I no longer have to control.. I have been crucified with Christ. I have the mind of Christ.

I have found that behind control is fear.... we fear so we control...

If that's true (which it has been for me) then as I live in love...true, genuine, God love...the need for control will pass away, because perfect drives out all fear...therefore, control....

December 12, 2008 at 6:14 PM  

Post a Comment

It is good to hear from you... thank you so very much for leaving a note on the table. That makes us smile!

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home